There's only one way...

In my life, I've probably seen and watched porn on few slightly awkward occasions when I first was given my own computer in 7th grade. Back then, I wasn't into boys or kisses or dates and make-up because in reality, I didn't want to date the jackasses at my school. Nor did they want to date a frumpy, pubescent Erin. So all was right and fair in my world. But I was interested in what sex was. The enigma behind it ate away at me since 5th grade when sex ed. consisted of memorizing politically correct sex jargon and knowing what it looked like on the corresponding diagrams. I believe 5th grade sex ed was aimed to teach the "science" behind sex rather than the feelings and/or physicality associated with the phenomena. I failed 5th grade sex ed. Rather than absorb the material like most of my anxious 5th grade peers, I chose to distract myself with disassembling my pen because I was too nervous to take a second glance at the penis and vagina diagrams.

Again in 9th grade, the state jammed sex ed down our throat in a quick, visceral slide show of what penis's and vagina's looked like when you had herpes, genital warts, etc. It's my understanding that this is how they taught abstinence. They did show us the condoms. They did say it was "okay" to have sex if you really loved someone or had feelings for someone of the opposite sex. They went through what I should do if I was date-raped -or just plane ol` raped- or if I thought I had an STD, was pregnant, or became abnormally itchy in my pubic area. But as someone who didn't quite "get it" the first time around, I was still much a virgin to these ideas, let alone the issues that tagged along with them. I wished they would've gone back and taught us the biology behind sex because it was then that I was mature enough to retain the information. But no, I had a whole new set of worrisome ideas on my fragile plate.

I feel like I progressed up the sexual ladder at about the average speed as most girls. I dated my first boyfriend when I was reaching the end of 10th grade. I ruined it with nonsensical self-anxiety most girls get with any first boyfriend, had a first kiss, and moved on. My confidence grew and I promised myself I wouldn't let the same anxieties arise with the next boyfriend. I didn't date again until I was a senior. It was boyfriend number 2 and first love. I loved him, he loved me, and although I wasn't quite ready to "give it up" I let one night get out of hand. Losing my virginity was horrible. It hurt like hell, I cried, Surprisingly sex didn't end the relationship.

Anyway, back to now. Now I am 21. Now I have a long-term boyfriend (Dan) with whom I've had a healthy relationship (and sex life). Recently I saw the new series "Tosh.0" on comedy central. In the last few minutes of the show, a clip of Dave Attel playing beer pong with Bree Olson (a new popular porn star) played. The clip was censored to the point that I could barely piece together what might have been happening. At the shows closing, Daniel Tosh urged viewers to go to tosh.0.com to view a less-censored version of the clip. So I went. The clip was slightly easier to understand, but I was disappointed that it was not full-flesh. Being that I was slightly drunk, I decided right then and there, what the hell. I’m going to watch some good ol’ internet porn. That is, after all, what the internet is for.

So began my porn endeavors. As someone who had never before intentionally searched for free internet porn, I kept it simple. I google searched Bree Olson. Her official website was the first to pop up, so there I went and agreed to my first “18 and over” disclosure. Olsons members-only website prevented me from seeing anything worthy of what I would call “full-on porno”. A few promo clips were scattered about to lure the customer, but anyone seeking a quick thrill via internet would have to search elsewhere.

I hit the back button a few times on my browser, and scrolled down to a more promising website, porneskimo.com. This was the first website I stumbled upon where I felt a sharp fear that I might accidentally pick up a virus and kill my computer. I felt the anxiety piercing through me as I imagined having to explain to the tech-heads at best buy how my computer fried, not to mention first having to explain to Dan how despite his best efforts, I killed the monster computer he built me.

But alas my worries dissipated when I realized that porneskimo was authentically free, and most videos were embedded flash. So as I rifled through Olsons videos, I noticed my feminist train of thought building. Why wasn’t I getting aroused? The question in fact was easy enough to answer after subjecting myself to over a dozen clips of Olson. Maybe I needed to find another girl.

I was happy that I didn’t have to find a different website. I was lucky to stumble upon porneskimo because I dreaded the thought of having to sort through numerous websites that only offered part of the meal. Porneskimo is kind enough to list the top 50 popular girls, a list of other top 10 free porn websites, along with links guiding you to more material from your girl of choice.

Anyway, I started going down the list of the 50 popular girls. Instead of giving every girl a great amount of consideration, I chose to limit each girl to only two video clips. Jenna Jameson, Sara Jay, Ashlynn Brooke, Eva Angelina, Tera Patrick, Lisa Ann…the list goes on. I was disappointed. Why couldn’t I pinpoint my problem?

I then started talking to one of my guy friends and the feminist thought process lead me to my answer. I wasn’t getting aroused because most of the porn I was watching was like watching animal planet. There are a few issues particularly I need to point out.

Why can’t there be “happy medium” porn? I can find porn geared towards men, but I have a hard time finding porn geared toward female viewers. That being said, I feel a tinge of sexism in my voice as a writer. Exactly what kind of porn would appeal to the average woman? Are there specific features? I’ll stop myself there in fear I may wander too far in the philosophy of what we seek as a man or woman. All I know is that I would totally watch porn more often (quite possibly with my Dan) if the following aspects were addressed:
1. The guys are generally gross. Where are the men of today? Where’s the boy I had a crush on in high school? It seems no matter where I go, the men in porn fit the stereotype I thought they might. Sure the girls aren’t much better at breaking the porn star mold, but at least they are tolerable to the gaze!
2. Why is there no lead-in? It very well could be that the free porn on the internet is edited down, but I’ve yet to see a porn clip where it hasn’t started right in the middle of the act. The finish-but-no-start strategy of these clips really didn’t bother me at first, but clip after clip later I’m left wondering if porn stars own anything aside from clunky heels and holy cross necklaces.
3. There is no “love making” in most porn. Sure, It may sound petty, stupid and dare I say, girly? But I don’t understand how monotonous pumping for 20 minutes with only the fake moans of the girl in question is supposed to get me aroused -albeit I’m a woman myself. So then who’s the audience? This goes back to the issue of porn situated for the arousal of men.
4. Guys, please speak. Granted the men of porn can keep it up, and it may be a girls dream for her man to last so long, but can we please give the men a voice? So many clips of only the woman moaning and spitting demands left and right, why never the man? Reverse sexism within the sex industry is my guess. Maybe I’m old fashion, but I’ll admit I’m turned on when my man dominates the scene. The neo-porn industry needs to remember that it’s okay for the woman to be the submissive one every now and again.


The broader issue at hand is that boys and men watch porn, if not only for arousal and stimulation, to inadvertently learn how to have sex with women (or men if your gay) Maybe the porn industry needs to address this issue further if they hope to better the relationships of their viewers seeking something deeper and more psychologically arousing than the ol’ in-and-out. Make no mistake, I don’t claim that this is the aim of the industry; I simply think that porn needs to consider their audience a little more. I’m sure there are plenty of people out there who enjoy watching Jenna Jameson getting SOMP, but there are also plenty whom would rather see the love unfold. Is it too much to ask the porn stars to do a bit of acting apart from orgasms? Bring porn into the 21st century already!

Anyway, it could be that I’m just an amateur in knowing where to find my cup of tea in pornoland. But I also feel like maybe I’m not the only one who has these little issues with most porn.

Thanks for reading!