Diana's world

I'm blowing up, maybe I shd just have a heart attack and get over with this...I cant seem to find myself or any trade of who i am, plus paranoia is taking over me or maybe not, maybe is karma time or maybe i am truly and honestly loosing my mind, i've been back stabbed by each one of those who ever sweared they loved me and i don't believe in that word anymore, i don't believe in good intentions, i don't believe in angels or saviours, i still have faith in God tho.
the source of all this craziness is love, ironically love. such an amazig feeling that only brings destruction, love it might just be a big desire of our hearts, something we want to believe in to make our existence less pathetic and meaningless, a cruel way to turn someone into thousand peaces, yeah i know how that sounds, sounds pathetic, sounds pesimistic, sounds very sad...but is true, i wont get into arguments with those who think they know it all so this is just my point of view and if someone tries to criticize it then i got to words fu@&k off!

I'm confused, i can't keep living from moments anymore and i don't know what's going through my love's mind, forcing things is not really meant to be, i guess that word doesnt really exist, no one is meant to be for anything, we wanna believe we are coz making our lives special makes the word interesting for each one of us...but why is it too hard to leave? why is it so painful to leave when is not supposed to be real? why does my heart feel so sad? why do i stick around when i know is not going anywhere...why do i waste my time trying to avoid the inevitable? something that became doomed to burnt into dust.

So i wanna hate but i can't, all i'm getting is tons of anger and frutrations, my professional life don't make sense, my personal life is a mess and all i got is this stupid blog to let go some random thoughts before i officially loose my mind for good.