Breakdown

Monday, 26. March 2007, 06:00:59

I'm depressed...I just can't pretend anymore, is hitting me hard and is a horrible pain in the chest, is like I can't breath, it hurts so bad I've never felt like this I don't wanna lose her, I don't wanna be pesimistic but I'm just too down and she's not getting better or she does and then she gets sick again, I've cried like what? 2 times since she got sick...I want to be strong but I can't I'm falling apart, I wish I could turn back time and I would of took her to the doctor on time, I wish I would of listen instead of being self-centered in my own head all that time, maybe if I wasn't so sefish nothing would of happened...the radioteraphy burned her, is like literaly her skin is falling off she can't even sit because she's too burn and I can't do anything to stop it, I gotta see her standing so much pain, the radioteraphy has destroyed her red globules and she might need a transfusion too, I can't donate because of my blood sugar problems, I can't even help on that I didn't even ate healthy I feel so useless right now...I don't understand why bad things happens to good people, I can't really. I don't wan to study either or even go out but I don't wanna be here either, I mean why isn't me? I'm younger I'm stronger I could of handle it...why her, why can't she die old in peace...this life has no meaning and is a cruel joke, I'm dissapointng of it everyday more.

My Birthday =)Another boring update of my life =D

Comments

u dunno how much i'd like to give u a hug now =( and the life has meaning, at least for me , dunno what u think , i only know ur sad and i wanna be there for u (8) *kisses ur cheek* ur strong but u know it shdnt be u either , what would i feel then ?

By Netizka, # 26. March 2007, 12:20:07

you need a big hug!

By wickedlizard, # 28. March 2007, 22:52:33

Writing about your frustration is a good thing. And your damn justified to feel that frustrated. Make sure you take a little time for yourself, when you can, it should be important. Best of luck. Keep talking.

Yum

By WillYum, # 29. March 2007, 04:09:15

When everything is going wrong and u r feeling very low, just think of those thousand hands who r ready to help u. Distance does not count. U r passing thro' a cyclic time. Be courageous . Face the emotional crisis boldly. I m sure u will come out of it with flying colours. This is my own experience,I lost my parents at my younger age. My dad was hospitalized for 7 months. Keep head cool. We all pray for u . Life is beautiful. Dont allow distress to ride on u. Gain confidence with full grace. Aniruddha from " INCREDIBLE INDIA"

By kavishwar, # 31. March 2007, 01:43:31

I added u to my friends.I hope that would change ur mood....

By kafanksi_princ, # 10. June 2007, 18:04:44

I'm with the top two, you do need a hug. Surely there's someone around who can at least offer a shoulder to you. It sounds like you can't handle this burden alone.

By Furie, # 16. June 2007, 19:49:36

wow... sounds like your life pretty much sucks right now (not to be disrespectful, its just the way that I talk). Anyway, I really feel for you and what I would say to you, if you had asked me, is to just let yourself go and have a breakdown. Just dont go and do something crazy and remember that there is always someone else to turn to, you obviously havent found him or her. sorry for being blunt i just thought that i really felt how you felt before, having felt the way you described your feelings.

By SolidD, # 19. June 2007, 23:23:19

Take care...my friend.. let go.

I hope you feel better..

May you be happy...

regards

a friend

By newage1, # 21. June 2007, 16:49:36

I`m glad you`re writing this to us..
It`s good to let go from the frustration.
If you need a hug, I`m here!

By Shelush, # 27. June 2007, 05:25:38

I hope things have gotten better for you. I too, have felt many times about having breakdowns. I lost my firstborn ( a son) at 18 months old. Due to my many medical issues (seizures and 2 brain tumors), we are now filing for bankruptcy and losing our home.

I can't work anymore, which I have ever since I was 16. So it is frustrating just sitting around pratically doing nothing. My disability will not allow me to do much.

There are many days I just want to scream and some days I actually do scream.

So I can understand your frustration. I can't understand your particular problem, but I can understand depression. I only hope that things have turned around for you.

I will pray that they have.

Christy

By greathoneybear, # 22. July 2007, 04:20:13

i'm so sorry for the pain and heartbreak your going through. i can tell you from firsthand experience, that blaming yourself or feeling like somehow you caused this, is not a path you want to go down. it's self-destructive and no good can come from it. the best advice i can give is to talk to a good friend. i will keep you in my prayers.

By siran11, # 29. July 2007, 06:10:06