Nigeria is definitely among the most laughable countries in the world. Anybody can become a minister or diplomat; as long as you are a graduate with connections aka long legs. Even if you fail to recite the national anthem in front of a committee of ‘sinators’, you are likely to be cleared of any wrong doing at the ministerial or ambassadorial screening, like that of Nigeria's Ambassador to Portugal Ijeoma Bristol, wife of Nigerian Ambassador to France. The private excuse could be that you were not born or bred in Nigeria. It does not matter if other members of your family are already Ambassadors since your gatekeeper can dream of lobbying to ‘become’ a commissioner for special duties in his state of origin.
As if all the mockery in President Goodluck Jonathan’s cabinet were not enough, the Minister of Power Light Bulbs and Darkness (LBD), Professor Barth Nnaji prefers to bribe people with light bulbs rather than tender his resignation as a failed minister, of a failed ministry, in a failed state. Nnaji might as well give a pair of Chanel's (Open-toed Goatskin) light bulb shoes to every female Nigerian citizen that qualifies for the brand's shoe sizes and range at a staggering cost of $2,200 per pair. Students would be able to use it to read their books when electricity is not available than fail exams. As far as we are concerned, a light bulb is a light bulb in whatever fashion.
What kind of light bulbs is the LBD Minister plotting to give out? He mentioned energy saving light bulbs but refused to state how many would be given away. What is more important, constant electricity or energy saving light bulbs in darkness? Is he planning to copy the European Union ban on outdated light bulbs by introducing energy saving light bulbs in Nigeria? He should tell Nigerians how much he will spend on buying them light bulbs. We hope it wouldn't be a disappearing act, where a section of the capital disappears and reappears in foreign bank accounts.
When Jonathan and his wicked fuel crew unleashed terror on the masses by inflating the cost of petrol, he said he would ‘cushion the effect’ with luxury buses. The LBD minister is doing the same thing with light bulbs after tariff increment. He has no conscience and assumes that the masses are feeble minded people without options and social benefits. Helpless Nigerians are fed up of living in darkness or adapting to the Stone Age era. Renewable energy is what Nigerians need. The hot climate is the advantage that the Nigerian government has failed to exploit. Solar and wind energy can be used as alternative, effective and cheaper form of power supply.
We were gobsmacked when a Nigerian government adviser disclosed on BEN TV (Sky Channel 184) that some wind turbines were languishing away in Nigeria’s former capital ports because the state government that bought them did not know how and where to install them. Why were some jobless electricians and engineers not trained to install solar panels and turbines before the arrival of the wind turbines? If the governor and commissioners do not know where to install the turbines, some Nigerians in the Diaspora are ready to help. Nevertheless, officials should not install turbines in their hometowns by using long legs.
The Puerta del Sol plaza eviction saga in Madrid, on Sunday: AP
International 'Occupy' protests took place in London, New York, Athens, Moscow and Madrid cities yesterday by anti-capitalism protesters. The "Global Day of Action" protests were carried out by thousands of protesters. The Police arrested 11 people in London. A grandmother and protester from Blackpool told the BBC that the London demonstration was planned on social media networks.
The police and a demonstrator during the London protest
CAF president Issa Hayatou said: 'I remember him well - he was a solid attacker - it was so difficult to take the ball from him. ---Daily Mail
Rashidi Yekini (23 October 1963 – 4 May 2012)
Rashidi Yekini, 48, was a famous Nigerian footballer and international striker. He died on Friday and was buried on Saturday, in accordance to Islamic rites in his hometown at Irra, Kwara State, Nigeria. He played for Abiola Babes, IICC Shooting Stars, Super Eagles, ‘Portuguese side Vitoria Setubal, Greek giants Olympiacos and Spanish team Sporting Gijon.’ He also played for FC Zürich (Switzerland), among others. He may be remembered as the footballer who scored the first goal for Nigeria in a World Cup tournament. He was also the first Nigerian footballer to win the African Footballer of the Year in 1993.
Last year, online and press reports strongly suggested that Yekini was depressed or mentally ill. Should people have 'certified' Yekini as a 'madman' and did he undergo a psychiatric test? According to some people in his area, he was not mentally ill although he lived a secluded life. He was friendly and was also a silent philanthropist, who gave the widows in his neighbourhood money on a monthly basis.
Yekini allegedly invested most of his money in a Bureau de Change at Sabo suburb in Ibadan, Oyo State of Nigeria, which was controlled by his childhood friend Ibraheem. Unfortunately for Ibraheem, armed robbers reportedly robbed him and stole a lot of money.
Yekini became depressed after the alleged death of Ibraheem and probably went bankrupt. He was seen barefooted on the streets and people realised that something was wrong with him. A member of his family said that he kept to himself and refused the monetary assistance of some people in high places while his mental health deteriorated.
According to the BBC, “Two years ago he rejected the chance to be a Nigerian football ambassador to the 2010 World Cup, a move which was never explained.” Yekini’s mum has revealed that 2010 was the year that he began to suffer from a mental illness.
According to the Sunday Sun, Yekini who is survived by wives and children probably became depressed after 'a failed affair':
... he was agile and healthy until the last Easter Monday, when his mother and two siblings simply identified as Wasiu and Sekinat in company with two Alfas (marabouts) took him away by force.
“He didn’t want to go with them, so they leg-chained him. He was bleeding. It was obvious he struggled with them. You know he was a tall and heavily built man. He just arrived from Liberty Stadium, where he did his regular work outs, when they came. Apparently they did not know that anybody saw them. He asked us to call the police.”
Sadly, he reportedly died in a herbal home last Friday.
Swedish Culture Minister (right) cutting the cake (Youtube; Photo: Jerry Nell)
The Swedish Minister of Culture Lena Adelsohn Liljeroth has apologized for cutting the racist cake, which was designed by artist Makode Aj Linde, on display at the Museum of Modern Art in Stockholm on World Art Day. According to newspaper reports, the Afro-Swedish Association has not changed its stance that the minister should resign.
On the other hand, some people did not see anything wrong in the ‘show of shame’ that gave artist Linde international fame. It was probably because they could not see anything wrong with racism in this type of Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) or female circumcision awareness display. It is not a funny issue and neither should it be demonstrated with laughter or with any form of cake cutting amusement.
Linde mimicked a crying black woman whose genital was cut off as the cake was sliced. The ‘show of shame’ has not shown awareness since it was staged to mock FGM in the first instance. Instead, it was a display of insensitivity to generate laughter at the expense of the psyche of circumcised black women. It would not be surprising if the latest jokes are based on FGM. Such foolery in the cause of ‘awareness’ should be discouraged.
Some Muslims and Jews 'practice' circumcision. Why did the artist not start his awareness campaign there? The answer is very simple. The artist, minister and the Swedish authorities knew that it could lead to terrorism. Poor, defenceless and circumcised African women are 'better' and easier to mock.
The Palm Wine World Records Committee recognized and selected the First Lady of Nigeria, Dame Patience Goodluck Jonathan as the World’s Most Important Woman 2012. Why? Recently, she attended a ceremony tagged ‘Thank You and Advocacy Event’ in Lagos State and successfully paralysed activities for five to ten hours, depending on location. Roads were closed and some security officials made it clear to the masses that their freedom of movement was restricted until Dame Jonathan left the state because she had no patience at all. It was the first time that a First Lady held parts of a state to 'ransom', especially in Nigeria.
Bio
Name: Patience Faka Jonathan
Age: 54
Education: Mathematics, Biology and Psychology
Profession: Banker/Teacher
Spouse: President Goodluck Jonathan
Children: Two
Hobbies: Speaking English, Delivering 'Rib-Cracking' Speeches and Blocking Roads
Heroine: Former First Lady Imelda Marcos of the Philippines
Favourite Book: Failed States: The Abuse of Power and the Assault on Democracy by Noam Chomsky
The racist cake shocked a lot of people on the Internet. How could a group watch in amazement as the Swedish Culture Minister Lena Adelsohn Liljeroth sliced the cake and fed the ugly nude black 'woman' that looked like a golliwog, if not worse? The National Association for African Swedes has called for the resignation of the minister.
The racist cake of our time was made by shameless Afro-Swedish artist Makode Aj Linde who claims that people misunderstood his work of art on female genital mutilation, on display at the Museum of Modern Art in Stockholm last Sunday. His black ornaments and statues also have racist connotations with frightening ugly lips et al.
Who should be blamed for the racist show of shame, the minister, the artist or both? At the moment, the wrong impression may be that racism is acceptable in Sweden. The minister should tender an apology or resign. So far, she is not ready to resign. The artist should apologize too. After all, he was responsible for the display of 'offensive art.'
The minister should have walked away and not bother to cut the cake in order to mark the 75th anniversary of the National Organization of Swedish Artists on World Art Day. The black artist may just be mocking his DNA for fame and money. Did any of his ancestors look like this? The cake was very offensive indeed. Nonsense! Black women do not need ‘holier-than-thou’ artists who pretend to 'fight' against female genital mutilation with art.
Goody: We are fine. As soon as I saw your name I knew it must be urgent; any problem?
Wahala: It’s about your new Greek Gift. I just hope it will not affect me as a norminee; after all, it was not my gift but yours.
Goody: Is that why you phoned me at 2.00am?
Wahala: I didn’t want earwiggers to listen to our conversation.
Goody: I have not done anything wrong by allowing a foreign construction company to build or renovate a church in my house. Only a fool would see a free show and turn away by preferring to pay.
Wahala: I hope it does not affect me on Election Day.
Goody: What are you trying to imply? Don’t use me as a scapegoat. I'm warning you in advance. Who influenced me to increase the pump price of petrol in order to make life harder for the masses? Didn’t you lie that you had nothing to do with it? The riots led to the death of innocent people and I had to bite my tongue in order to bring down the pump price. At the election, that may be used to judge you and not my new holy church that you called a Greek Gift.
Wahala: Am I the first person to call it a Greek Gift? So, you don’t want me to tell you the truth! I will... Are you aware that the President of ‘20%ers’ Association of Naija Mr Oletoba Oleremilekun sent me a copy of a signed petition against you and a foreign construction company? Of course, you must have heard or read that one of the opposition parties has called for your impeachment by the National Assembly.
Goody: I am immune to prosecution under the immunity clause. That is not my fault, is it? Oleremilekun is a useless embezzler and trouble shooter. The State Security Service should arrest and interrogate him as soon as possible. As for the National Assembly, as soon as metal cases that are stuffed with dollars are circulated, any impeachment motion will be called off, just like that. I don’t think anybody can threaten me with impeachment. Moreover, my party members in the National Assembly are there to defend me.
Wahala: Oh yes! You are immune to prosecution but not impeachment. Have you forgotten that I am one of the initiators of ‘Due Process’ in this country, during my first tenure as a minister? The Public Procurement Act of 2007 aka ‘Due Process’ saved the country 88.5 billion within 2 years. In 2010, the '20%ers' took bribes of about 480 billion ($3b).
Goody: And so what? It was not during my tenure as the president. So, it had nothing to do with me.
Wahala: Let me land now, let me talk ooo.
Goody: Go on...
Wahala: The ‘20%ers’ or fraudsters in the civil service want your Greek Gift revoked otherwise they will continue to collect 20% glaringly. That will be 20% of every contract. After all, it is not bribe to them too. I just hope the new association of ‘5%ers’ led by Mrs Amaka Kushi-Barawu, which comprises of low waged workers, will not send a petition because she phoned my secretary on the same issue.
Goody: This is blackmail. They will see the wrath of god. The bible says, 'Touch not my anointed ones, ...' (1 Chronicles 16:22; Psalm 105:12). It is a sin to demolish a house of God. It is a hue and cry because nothing will happen to my church. It is protected by the blood of Jesus. It wasn't a bribe.
Wahala: What is your definition of bribe? Allowing a company to build the church free of charge can be classified as gross misconduct, bribery and corruption.
Goody: How dare you talk to me like that? Who do you think you are?
Wahala: How dare you mention that the building was a gift during a church service? Did anybody force the words out of your mouth when you knew the election was around the corner? You talk too much. You don’t read blogs. If you did, you would have noticed that a blogger tried to warn you of your major weakness months ago.
Goody: All you care about is your global ambition. The Yankees do not like you anymore. Can’t you accept that? They have their own candidate for the election. You shouldn’t have accepted this job if you knew you wanted the other job. As they say, you cannot have your cake and eat it too.
Wahala: No, no, no! Wrong! The Yankees do not hate me at all. I will put you all to shame if I win. Was I the one who was undiplomatic and rude to the Yankee Secretary of State during her trip to our country in 2009? Our undemocratic senate leader and PinDyPee lambasted the Secretary of State. They condemned her statement on Naija e.g. policy reform, corruption, abuse of women's rights and human rights, now they want me to head a global institution. It is hypocritical for them to think like that.
Goody: I was a vice-president at the time. It had nothing to do with me.
Wahala: Sort out your Greek Gift brouhaha because it is bugging me. Good night, sorry good morning.
Goody: (Speechless).
Joan Rivers’ California Coke Joke
American comedienne and actress Joan Rivers, 78, made a lot of viewers giggle on The Wendy Williams Show (Black Entertainment Television aka BET) as a Co-host. Audiences had to laugh at her joke on California residents. Did anybody say that it was not a joke? Well, a male doctor on the show said everyone is on prescription in California. Host Wendy Williams 'revealed' that Joan Rivers 'smoked' weed. Rivers said everyone smokes in California. Not just weed but stronger substances. In a beauty shop, she saw a woman with bad dandruff but when six women started to sniff the substance off the woman, she realized that it was something else.
Rivers said, “They sniff the white line off the street.” Would most California residents find the joke funny? Anyway, Rivers is very funny and has 'had 5,611 procedures.' She thinks having plastic surgery is like going to college. Crazy?
Hostess Ms Arunma Oteh To commemorate the N44 million bribery allegations and counter allegations by the Director General of Securities and Exchange Commission, Ms Arunma Oteh and the former House of Representatives Chairman of the Committee on Capital Markets Honourable Herman Hembe, Ms Oteh is holding a special buffet at her Abuja rented house on 1 April 2012 at 1pm – 4pm for 200 guests, regardless of tribe, class or sex. Apart from lobsters assorted menus will be there.
Seminar Paper: The Police, Perverting The Course Of Justice And Attempted Wife Murder In Nigeria By President of Powerless Police Officers' Wives League
Seminar Paper: Avoid Domestic Violence: Marry A Man With Good Luck By First Lady Patience Jonathan
Seminar Paper: Domestic Violence: Stop Beating Your Wives By Hon. Adejoke Orelope-Adefulire
Seminar Paper: Domestic Assault: Anger Management For Barbaric Police Husbands By Professor/Divorcee Biala Ajagbemokunrin
Seminar Paper: Don’t 'Marry' A Policeman By Anonymous Battered Police Officer’s wife
Seminar Paper: Remain With Your Man by Wife Set Ablaze By Police Inspector Husband
Book Launch: Wife Battery: Naija Policemen Are Above The Law By Nigeria Police Wife Beaters Association, Lagos Caucus.
A long time ago, an African man bought four new car tyres. He gave two tyres to his wife and also gave two tyres to his new girlfriend. Initially, he was a faithful husband and father until members of his extended family turned him against his wife because of a specific reason that we do not want to disclose. They encouraged him to start a fresh affair that could lead to traditional marriage in a polygamous society. It must be emphasized that the extended African family can make or mar a marriage.
Anyway, the man was gobsmacked when his girlfriend furiously asked him, “How dare you buy me two tyres? I don’t have a two wheeled car, do I? What kind of lawyer are you?” He was very upset but kept mute and regretted dating such a rude lady.
When he got home, he gave his wife two tyres. She knelt down on her knees, in their cultural way and thanked him. He was speechless and wished he had bought her four tyres. After all, she was the woman that stuck with him when he was a struggling student.
Nigeria's Minister of Foreign Affairs Olugbenga Ashiru
The South African government deported 125 Nigerians on March 2 for allegedly travelling with fake yellow fever vaccination cards. The Nigerian government retaliated by refusing to allow the entry of some South Africans into Nigeria in a face-off that generated from a cold war in the Libyan crisis; after Nigeria supported the incoming government and South Africa supported late Colonel Muammar Gaddafi.
Popular broadcast journalist cum legislator Mrs Abike Dabiri-Erewa toldThe Nation that 'the illegal deportation of 125 Nigerians by the South African government is "inhuman". She explained that the Nigerian Immigration authorities were not asking South African citizens for yellow fever vaccination cards in Nigeria since it was within the requirement of visa application.
Some more South Africans were later deported from Nigeria in a rush. Nigeria eventually deported 131 South Africans after the Minister of Internal Affairs Abba Moro said that Nigeria may reciprocate 'if the deportation was done in bad faith'. It was simply tit-for-tat. Some Nigerians call it “do-me-i-do-you...” in Pidgin English. The Nigerian government clearly wanted the South African government to adhere to five conditions for reconciliation:
•unconditional apology to Nigeria over the deportation of 125 Nigerian travelers last Friday from the Oliver Tambo International Airport in Johannesburg; •compensation for all the victims of the harsh treatment; •disciplinary action against all the officials involved in the cruelty to Nigerians; •a review of the Yellow Fever Vaccination Card policy; and •a commitment that such a diplomatic slip will not re-occur. ---Daily Post
The South African government has apologized to the Nigerian government and both counties have reconciled. Nigeria initially 'threatened to kick out big South African companies that operate in Nigeria, like MTN and South African Airways'.
The National Publicity Secretary of Congress for Progressive Change Party, Rotimi Fashakin told Vanguard that the Nigerian deportees were not allowed food and water for 24 hours and denounced such inhuman treatment by the South African government.
On Vox Africa (Sky Channel 218), Nigeria’s Minister of Foreign Affairs Olugbenga Ashiru was angry and said that some South Africans were suffering from xenophobia. They assume that they are better than other Africans and are scared that other Africans would want to take their jobs. Both countries ‘deported’ 256 people during their diplomatic row.
In 2011, it will be recalled that the British authorities stopped Arik Air from flying to London. The Nigerian government and Aviation minister Mrs Stella Oduah Ogiemwonyi quickly ‘slashed’ British Airways' routes to Nigeria until the issues of Bilateral Air Services Agreement were resolved. Tit for tat?
The Killing of British and Italian Hostages
Boko Haram terrorists' spokesman claimed that they did not kidnap or kill hostages in Nigeria but who killed the British and Italian hostages in Nigeria last Thursday? Hostages Chris McManus and Francesco Molinara were reportedly kidnapped in Nigeria in 2011 by terrorists called “al-Qaida in the land beyond the Sahil” until they were found dead after a rescue operation that was unsuccessful. Boko Haram terrorists are 'linked' to Al-Qaeda terrorists.
British Prime Minister David Cameron allegedly ordered the rescue operation without telling the Italian government. It led to a diplomatic row. The failed rescue bid was carried out by the Special Boat Service - Maritime Counter Terrorism, Royal Marines and Nigerian security forces.
We block the east On guns of Biafra you feast All Hail Ojukwu! Biafran troops persist Gowon you have Nigeria Let the civil war cease Oh! Free the east
On Aburi we stand Biafra is our fatherland
Some pot bellies are nothing but kwashiorkor Free us from this bloody rancor Oh guns of Biafra Our bones are frail
On Aburi we stand Biafra is our fatherland
Effiong, you salute, surrender We wonder and ponder Ojukwu, in Ivory Coast exile you roar To end 30 months of war
(Written in 1989)
Occupy London: St Paul’s Campsite Eviction
Some Bailiffs and riot police evicted Occupy London anti-capitalist camp protesters from St Paul’s Cathedral overnight yesterday after 137 days. According to media reports, about 20 protesters were arrested by the police. The protesters lost their appeal at the Court of Appeal to challenge the High Court eviction decision in favour of the City of London Corporation.
At the Court of Appeal, three judges - headed by the Master of the Rolls, Lord Neuberger - dismissed a request to appeal against Mr Justice Lindblom's ruling at the High Court in January. ---Metro
My Opera
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