Yesterday I was cleaning my mailbox. Usually I recieve my E-Mail via POP3 protocol with feature of leaving messages on the server. It's very good idea I think because I can keep messages even if I'll loose'em on my laptop. Not a problem to refetch. But sometime my mailbox is full of letters and there is no space available. And I have to clean it up via HTTP protocol also known as web interface. There is antispam feature (usually I don't recieve any spam because my mailbox is too private for spammers database). How this antispam works? It doesn't put the strange letter to incoming folder but there is very special folder for spam. And it doesn't give letters via POP3 protocol I usually use. I've cleaned my mailbox and was interested what is there in spam folder. There were three letters. Just three letters and only one was unprofessional handmade spam. Second one had just "hello" message and it was test letter. I do remember it when we've checked if my friends mailbox is working fine. I was interested why I didn't recieve first letter? So, antispam robot thought it was strange letter and I shouldn't recieve it. But third letter... Well, I was surprised too much. My heart've been beating so strong and I could even hear it in my ears. My face've been red because I've been worring too much. This letter was recieved 3th of march this year, 2009. Well, one month ago! So, let me explain full story. In this year I've been thinking too much of one woman I know for a looong time. More than six years (err... maybe few time for some reason). I felt how much I miss her. And I've started to write long letter for her. And some posts here you can find in my past. Night again after time, Thinking in fire and some other posts, but not so first plane. You can see there some color of miss in post started new year. I've started this letter 28th january 2009. I've shared all my thoughts as they are. Nothing to lie and nothing to hide. Share, share and share. I've told I am thinking of her day by day and even when I do sleep. And I really didn't know why it happened. I wrote that I'll not recieve her answer in many reasons. She didn't answer my last phone calls and SMS. Ofcource no one answer via E-Mail. I've shared one more thing: "I'll never know if you've read this letter". And I didn't send this letter and it was stored to drafts. Well, 17th of february... I've started to continue this letter. Because 19th february she was burn and I was waiting when the Moon will be in Sagittarius constellation. I've noticed it in my Beauty post. There I wrote how I was wondered when I was in hospital with mortal illness and felt she's excluded me from her life totally. And about our common friend who was worring about me too much. Like sister. And even more. And I wasn't crying for this reason. In next day, 18th, I've completed this letter. I've added some thoughts about her. I've told her about my friends who follow me even in different cities! And about my 10000+ people I know. Both in real life and virtual reflection via misterious network. I do remember all of them. And I've told her how I sow death and my reflection in this world in minds of these people. Everyone of them knows something about me. And summ of these things is almost me. My reflection, my embrion awaiting for next life and sometime I feel myself there... I sow it when I've seen death. Face to face. In hospital. It even touched my shoulder. Terrible pain from hell. When all world become as secondary thing in my life, because first one was pain. Neverendless pain to blur feelings of time and space. When halucinations are dancing in mind... And I've shared it. At last I said I am proud to know her. Because she was someone who built me.
This letter was suspended and 27th of february I've just pressed "send" button. One second later something changed in my self. I've understand she is nobody in my life. She was just my imagination! In real life she is absolutely different! She is not interested to me, she doesn't answer to all my messages of heat. She closed eyes and turned back from me when I was talking to death. I've heared thought in air... Her thought. About me. Nothing happened if he will die. Just sigh and nothing more. I've been laughting about myself. And I've shared these thoughts to her too. In another letter. It was 2th of march 2009. Yes, one day before 3th march, a date when letter I've found was recieved to my spam folder. I've got answer 3th march and antispam robot wasn't pleased to give it to me. Because it was too early, because I didn't move to another city yet and this answer could make some damage for me. But not now when everything's OK. When All OK. So, I was happy to recieve it. Opening it and listening to my heartbeats. There was negative answer and it's negative was growing line by line. Well! In the middle I've read first uncensored word!!! I never heared it from her. Then second! Third!!! WOW!!! I was smiling very much and I felt happy to read when she was talking about bad guy, about me, very, very bad guy. Even men in russia don't talk so much uncensored words. I was right about my imagination of her person. She couldn't answer to good letters because there is nothing to answer. Too crappy soul. But there was so many thing to answer negative side! I've sent just one letter of negative. Very little letter. And I've got answer. And I am happy and absolutely free of her! I left her heart and she's gone from my mind.

oday I had my first day of new job. I like it for now. Good people around, 12th floor office (I love to see a city from above in a window) and quiet atmosphere in air. I started my new work day at 11 o'clock, morning. And so fresh and happy went to work. Whole day I was researching existing code of software build system and I see I have a lot of work in near future. Whole system needs refactoring and there is nothing documented. All information aportioned in the heads of developers and I feel I have to use my great communication skill. It's not problem for me. Everytime when I get new job - there is no any internal documentation and I have to hack the system to understand how does it work. And later make documentation. I like it! Next time I see the truth about dreams coming true. Whole universe answers to our questions with all the best. You just have to want it. To ask it. And at last - to take it. And today I've done last step of this magic chain. I've got a job in this hard economical time. And more. I like this job. I did believe there will not be a problem to get this goal. Everything you want, everything you wish or dream - all will come true if you'll dare to believe. Nothing more. All other things will come true theirselves. It's not a luck or Gods' gift. It's finish line of your wish. Just come to your goals. Even little step will make you near and near day after day or minute after minute. Well...
After the end of workday I was walking to home. Halfway on my legs and another way on the bus. There was snow in the street and it made me smile and more happy today. Next step now. I have to sleep.

Goooood time! And good morning!

I thing the echo of this morning well be read more times.
Like a wind of time of our lifes.
It smiles to us and make us grow!
Why not me?! Can't you forgive me?

Time is flowing and the wind is growing.
Just good morning my shine of my glass!
Smile to the rainbow or say goodbye to Luna.
Touch first rays of the Sun and make first step today.