BigDadGib Photo-Blog

I was sent the following story by a lady from England. She agreed to let me share it with my readers. It made this old geezer giggle.

The Gooseberry Puddin' meets The Lemon Squeezer

Alright Guvna (hello). I was in me jam jar (car) the uva (other) day, drivin' dan (down) the frog and toad (road), on me Jack Jones (own), When it started to bloomin' Andy Cain! (rain) It was throwin' it dan, the road was like a bleedin' shake and shiver (river). I was gonna stop 'n' 'av' a spot a kidney punch (lunch) when I notice me haddock and bloater (motor) was feelin' a tad sorry 'n' sad (bad). So I stopped 'n' 'ad a butchers (butchers hook = look). Well I'd only gone 'n' got a bloomin' monkey's tail (nail) in me tire! Well I was none too chuffed (not happy), I began to kick up a right pen an' ink (stink)! I was gettin' soaked to the bone. Me dixie deans (jeans) an' me dicky dirt (shirt) were soppin' wet from all the pleasure 'n' pain! (rain)

Then this nice lemon squeezer (geezer = nice man) pulled up in his chicken 'n' rice (nice) big truck, to give me an ivory band (hand). He helped me change me tire. He was a kindly heap of coke (bloke = man), had a bald Uncle Ned (head) 'n' a load a brothers 'n' sisters (whiskers) on his boat race (face). Said 'is name was BIGDADGIB. I thanked him for helpin' me out, I was a bit Kate Moss-ed (lost) when it came to changing tires. There's not many a kind pot 'n' pan (man) who would stop to help a gooseberry puddin' (woman) these days!

I gave him a tenna (ten pounds), it was the least I could do, and told him to have a lovely couple of cold Britney Spears (beers) on me down the rub-a-dub (pub) later.

Now all I had to do was go and get me tea pot lids (kids) from the Jah Rule (school) then I can put me feet up an' 'av' a nice cuppa sticky toffee (coffee).

The End

Thanks to English*Twinkle