BigDadGib Photo-Blog

Recently, I made a trip to the Doctors office. I did not have a primary physician, so I found a new doctor and went to see him.

When I arrived, I immediately knew he was very young by the “Fisher Price” on his stethlescope.

First thing, he listened to my heart. I asked, “How do I stand?” He said “That’s what puzzles me?!?!”

Next, he had me step onto his new, digital talking scales. It grunted and said “One at a time please”.

The doctor told me I was fat. I said I want a second opinion. He said “You’re ugly too”.

Next, he grabbed my wallet and said “Cough”.

He had me take off all my clothes, stand in front of the window and stick my tongue out. “What’s this for?” I asked. He said “I’m mad at my neighbor”.

He asked, “What’s wrong with your mouth?” I explained "I accidentally brushed my teeth with Preparation ‘H’. It taste terrible but I sure can whistle good”.

The Doctor looked at my chart and said, “You only have six months to live”. I said “I can’t pay my bill in six months”, so he gave me a year.

The nurse came running in and said “Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health just dropped dead out side the door”. He told her, “Turn him around, make it look like he was coming in”.

The doctor told me I have Poison Ivey on the brain. “How do I scratch it”, I asked. He said “Think about sand paper”.

As I was leaving, he asked if I was making plans for old age. I told him I was learning to sign my name with my left hand. “Why”, said the Doctor. I said, “So I can still sign the disability check when I have a stroke. Now, who’s the smart one, smarty pants?!?!”

End Physician Expedition