902

I was about 6 and my parents (who were not yet separated) thought it would be a good idea to send me on holiday with my childminder and her family. Nearly from birth I had been spending my days in the care of various childminders until I said to my mother that enough was enough and begged to stay at home on my own.

Summer 76, the year I was 6, I left with the F. family in the car and we drove to the south of France. It was a long drive and arrived at night time. The tent was put up for the kids to sleep in and the caravan housed the parents.

The next morning we were woken up by Mr. and Mrs. F and they were all chirpy. Still half asleep we walked to the table for breakfast. We were outside in the middle of some woods and the morning air was fresh. Then Mr. F said:
"Hey, kids, we have a big surprise for you!"
We, the kids, looked at each other...
"Stay where you are"

They rushed back inside the caravan while we waited in silence.

Then the door of the caravan opened on two stark naked adults!!!!!!!! I had been in their care for over a year and had never, obviously, thought that I would ever see them in the nude.

They triumphantly chimed: "Now it's your turn!!!"
"OH NOOOOOOOO!" I screamed in my head, "This cannot be true! I am going to wake up and realise that I just had a bad dream...." but their kids were already gone to "change". I was still at the table terrified. Mrs. F came to me and soothingly said: "It's all right! It's nature. No one is going to judge you. Every one in this place is naked! Look around you!" And I did.... and I realised that I would have to stay in this place for 3 whole weeks!

I had not been warned beforehand by my parents. I was sent there with no explanation and I felt so sick! Even if this was "nature", I wanted to curl up somewhere and die (already at that young age). I could not move! I was looking all over the place desperately seeking a piece of clothing on someone. Nothing.... Once more, Mrs. F coaxed me into taking my clothes off. I was not listening anymore, unable to move, my head screaming inside me that I had to leave!

So seeing that I would not move. She pulled me from my chair and into the caravan where she undressed me. I was totally paralysed and my body suddenly felt like it did not belong to me anymore. I started to cry silently. She wiped my tears but the damage had been done. She told me to go out and play with the other children.... I went back into the safety of the tent. But they came to fetch me and told me that I was not to stay in there.

I was now walking in a daze... watching people milling around me. I was standing there on the side of a woodland path staring. There were some kids but mostly ageing adults. I started to stare at each one of them wondering what possessed them to take off their clothes and walk around naked. It was just too much to bear for me. Nothing in my education until that point made it totally normal to walk around outside naked...

I cannot remmeber how long I stayed there staring... my next memory is of going to the local grocery store, dragged by the hand by Mrs. F and the family tagging along. Again inside the shop the same vision: people totally naked and joyous holding baskets full of food!

Then I remember that we had to play a treasure hunt game... Again, I tried to stay out of the way and hide next to a bush, but Mr. F came and dragged me out. The only positive thought I had was when we had to drive to the public swimming pool and we had to wear swimming costumes! BLISS. I then asked nearly every day when we would go back to the swimming pool...but we never did. When I got back home again I felt very down and my parents never asked me if I liked the holiday. They had probably been told.

It was so overwhelmingly painful for me that I cannot remember all the time I spent there; as if my mind put a veil on all this to stop the pain.