River and Birch

Pregnancy, birth, and the postpartum experience was so different the second time than the first. This time I knew what I was getting myself into right from the very beginning – the challenges and joys ahead. I also knew not to have expectations because things were guaranteed to be different. However, we did plan to have the same midwife and have a home birth, just like the first time.

Already a mom, I had much less time to take care of myself during this pregnancy. My exhaustion was exacerbated by my very active son, Birch, who was toddler when I became pregnant and was nearing three as River came to join our family. I had a hard time imagining chasing after two boys. The laughs and the frustrations were about to multiply! I had to keep reminding myself to take things one day at a time.

The second pregnancy itself was very similar to my first pregnancy. The first three months were wrought with nausea and vomiting and I was exhausted. It was all I could do to get through each day. Then I felt great during the second trimester. Right as the third trimester was beginning the fatigue returned, but except for a few difficulties I was able to keep moving right up until the birth. During both pregnancies my body carried the baby like a basketball and I had the same weight gain. Because of that, the second time I was 99% sure it was going to be a boy. This baby was even a bigger kicker inside the womb than Birch was!

In mid-December my dear friends had a Blessingway for me (similar to a baby shower). Many wonderful friends gathered to bless my journey into labor and mothering a second child. I felt so supported – a feeling which will continue for a long time. A heartfelt thank you to all of my friends and family for holding me up during this time. The journey of growing a child is so much easier and more beautiful when traveled in community.

Although the baby was due on January 1st, I was feeling like he would arrive a little early. On December 16th I was having a lot of braxton hicks contractions and by evening the contractions were increasingly regular and closer together. That night they were so strong I was not able to sleep, not painful, just very strong. I woke Richard up at 3am and we started getting prepared for labor.

At about 4 am the braxton hicks transitioned into labor contractions. I started to listen to Hypbirth – a relaxation program that I also used when giving birth to Birch (if you want to know more about it please ask – I’m a huge fan!). I thought I would be meeting my new child within a few hours. But instead I drifted off to sleep. When Birch came in at 7am and woke me up the contractions had stopped, so I went to sleep for the rest of the morning. What an experience! It was so weird to be prepared to meet my baby that day and then to have labor stop.

For the next week I hardly had any braxton hicks. When I started having more regular braxton hicks on Christmas Eve I didn’t think anything of it. The contractions continued during the night, but I was able to sleep through them. On Christmas morning I got up and put up the stockings and put out all the presents before Birchy got up. We had a lovely Christmas morning with lots of excitement and love and even a light dusting of snow! I kept feeling a tightening in my lower abdomen that reached all the way around my back – very different from braxton hicks, but not the menstrual cramp feeling that I had experienced with labor in my first pregnancy. So it took me a little while to figure out that I was having labor contractions. But once I realized what was happening we set the wheels in motion. At 10am I called Mary, the midwife, and Annique, her assistant and our friend, to give them a heads up. And we called our friends Mike and Brin who had offered to take care of Birch.

From 10am until around 1:30pm I was having labor contractions that were about 5 to 3 min apart, but weren’t painful. I didn’t have to breathe through them. I was able to finish opening presents, eat brunch, take a shower and get everything ready for the birth, including sending Birch off at around 12:30. When we told him that I was going to have a baby and he was going to stay at Mike, Brin, and Lyla’s house for a little while he asked, “Will the baby come after my nap?” Looking back on that we laugh because the baby was born before Birch even woke up from his nap!

Once everything was ready for the birth and my contractions were consistently 3 min apart, but still not painful, I decided to listen to Hypbirth to see if I could bring on the labor more strongly. It made me cry a bit to be at a transition point where I had to make a decision to go inside myself and bring on the labor – I was a little scared. I lay down in bed at 1:30pm. Listening to Hypbirth definitely brought on stronger contractions and 45 minutes later with a BAM I felt the baby’s head slam into the water sac and then right into position for labor. The water broke all over the bed and just kept coming. My water didn’t break like that with Birch, so I was totally surprised.

Richard called Mary and Annique right away – who both got right in their cars. I asked him to lay out a cloth by the side of the bed, the only place I could imagine being, and I knelt on the ground with my elbows on the bed. The contractions came on strong. He started the Hypbirth for me again, only it was hard to figure out the right timing. With the very first contraction I felt the urge to push. At 2:30 I asked Richard if he was prepared to catch the baby because I was pushing. He said “yes” so calmly that I felt very reassured and unconcerned. But I was using the Hypbirth to breathe through the urge to push so that I could hold onto the baby until the midwives arrived.

At 2:40 Mary and Annique showed up. Phew!! Just in time! They rushed around getting everything set up, taking the baby’s heart rate, encouraging me that I was doing great and to follow my body’s urge. And with that I pushed out the head (the only truly painful part) …then what seemed like a very long time in between contractions … and then pushed out the shoulders…and then Mary pulled out the rest of the baby. River Nelson Berkfield was born at 2:59pm on Christmas afternoon. Wow! Wow! Wow!


I got turned around and sat down on the ground so I could hold my baby. Richard cut the umbilical cord. I was shaking and crying and so was Richard and it was all just so amazing that there was already a baby in my arms and that he was healthy and that he was the River I knew was in there. He started nursing pretty quickly. It was amazing how beautiful he was. He weighed 8 lbs and 6 oz and measured 20 ½ inches long. His skin was olive toned and he had dark hair and a barrel chest. He looked a lot like Birch – which was so cool to see. He was calm and alert. I felt an instant connection.

It took an hour or so for the placenta to be born. And then I got stitched up (also quite painful). Then we got cleaned up and snuggled in bed. Mary and Annique left around 5:30pm – they were only here for 3 hours and made it home for Christmas dinner!

After he got up from his nap Birch came to meet his brother. It was a beautiful meeting, as I had imagined. Birch was so sweet, giving kisses and asking questions. The first thing he said when he saw me was, “The baby came out! Now you can pick me up!” He has been waiting for months and months for me to pick him up – what patience. After about half and hour of baby time he was ready to go back to his friend’s house for a sleepover. It was a very exciting day for Birch – presents, sleepovers, a new baby brother, and Grandma Rose and Grandpa Frank coming the next day. We were so grateful that there was a place for him to go so we could rest and focus our energies on the new baby.

The birth of our second son was as wonderful, special, and celebrated as the birth of our first. Life just keeps getting better. I’m so thankful for the three boys in my life and so in love with all of them.

Birchy’s top ten must see and do in Mexico:
1. Check out the Shoe shiners
2. See if you can borrow a broom from a Street Sweeper
3. Skateboarders - wow!
4. Eat a bag of popcorn in the plaza
5. take a swing at a piñata
6. Donkeys! Lots of donkeys!
7. dance to Street music
8. get a balloon from a Clown
9. take corn off the cob - kernel by kernel
10. eat cake with lots of frosting

Five things to avoid:
1. stay away from Mimes - very scary
2. Napping - there are too many other fun things to do.
3. Mean dogs - or just woof right back at em
4. Ladies who try to hold and kiss you
5. Merry-Go-Rounds that don't stop!

Mexico - December 19, 2010 - January 9, 2011
Many times in our travels in Southeast Asia and Central America I have seen parents traveling with young kids and thought, “How cool – I’m going to do that some day.” But then I had a kid of my own! And I changed. When Richard and I started talking about our hope to travel to Mexico I started to get nervous. How was I going to carry a backpack and a kid? How was I going to keep him from getting really sick? What about kidnappings in Mexico? Things that I had never worried about for myself, all of a sudden became a big deal. I found myself backing away from the idea of travel with a youngster.

I wrote to our friend, Libby, who we were planning to visit in Oaxaca, to ask for her advice. She reminded me of the beautiful side of travel – all the kids that Birch could play with, and how welcoming people are. She also let me know that things were relatively calm where she was living and that bus travel was pretty easy. And so it was decided… we had to try it, especially before he turned 2 and we had to start paying for his plane ticket!

We are so glad we did. Birch is an amazing traveler. He embraced Mexico wholeheartedly. He was completely engaged with his surroundings. He wanted to know what everything was. He was excited to be in new places and meeting new people. He loved sitting on Richard’s shoulders and looking out over the crowds of people and busy city streets. He loved all the attention (even though he pretended he was mad) – lots and lots of comments and compliments and attempts to touch him.

We traveled with Richard's brother and sister, so Birch got to spend 10 days with his Uncle Johnny and Aunty Bee. It was a blast - even though it took him awhile to warm up and he would never actually let them carry him. But it was definitely a bonding time. He also got to spend 10 days with our friends Libby and Gera - it was great practice for them since their baby is due on Jan23rd! We spent Christmas at their house in Huajuapan de Leon. Christmas Eve is also Gera's birthday and we had a kickin BBQ with grilled nopal cactus and lots of meat. We also had a hot spiced punch made with in-season fruits and sugar cane. Delicious. Birch didn't last until the 11pm feast, but he did get to enjoy "Christmas cookies" before he went to bed. The best part of Christmas was his new guitar which he didn't want to let go of for days. A close second was playing with a parrot named "pollo".


The highlight of our trip was 4 days in Santa Maria Tataltepec, a Mixteco village of about 200 people in the Oaxacan mountains. We spent New Years Eve with friends of our friends, Libby and Gera. They are a big and lively family who opened their arms to us and welcomed us as part of the family. Our first night in the village was a big New Years celebration with lots of delicious food, piñatas, dancing and firecrackers. We spent the next couple of days recovering with coca-cola, leftovers, swimming in the river, playing basketball in the evenings, and walking around town. Birch made lots of friends and his Spanish was notably improved after our time there. He loved all the donkeys and other farm animals. He also loved all the piñata candy – so much for not letting him have any sugar! Since we live on a farm we had a lot to talk about with the people there. We spent a good amount of time taking corn off the cob and talking about corn growing/harvesting practices. Richard even got up before dawn one morning and went with the men to clear the corn stalks from the fields. The friends we made while in Santa Maria made our whole trip worthwhile. It was sad to leave.


There were some difficult things about travel. Birch still loves to explore everything with his hands – including the floors of bus stations, everything in bathrooms, and all kinds of other pretty gross places. And he is getting in his two-year molars, so his fingers were constantly in his mouth. I did my best to keep his hands washed, but it was nearly impossible. Luckily he didn’t have too many health issues. He did have the first bout of diarrhea in his life. But it only lasted a couple of days and he didn’t have a fever so we didn’t worry too much. And another night Richard and Birch ate something that was off and both had stomach issues, but it cleared up quick and was very minor.

And sleep was difficult, as expected. He didn’t want to miss anything and didn’t have his own quiet space, so he just didn’t sleep much. And he woke up often during the night. Sleep was the one reason that we were all ready to come home. Ahhhh it was so good to sleep for 8 hours in a row again.

It was such a fun trip. We loved it and so did Birchy. Near the end we asked if he wanted to go home or stay in Mexico. He said, “Stay in Mexico.” And there were many requests to keep Birch in the village. I think if he were there for two months he would have almost as much Spanish as English. We’re definitely considering a trip to Mexico again in the future.

The last 6 days, or i guess i should say nights, have been absolutely amazing. I have to tell you about it.

Thanks to everyone for your words of support - it is so helpful to hear from other parents and friends and to know that I'm not alone. And a special thanks to my MOM for her winning advice, it is the advice that changed my life. She suggested that Birch and Richard and I sleep in an empty rental unit on our property and let Birch "Cry it out". The night before she suggested that there was an event in our house which demonstrates the need for that. Birch was sleeping in a crib in his new room. We have a baby monitor so we can hear when he wakes up. However, the monitor wasn't working so well because Birch had been playing with the cord. It must have come unplugged sometime during the night. So he cried/wailed from 4 to 5am. Everyone else in the house woke up. Richard and I were so exhausted that we didn't hear him. When I woke up at 5:30 I thought "Wow, he actually slept from 3 to 5:30." And then I heard the real story from our housemates. Yikes - we were so exhausted. Thus illustrating that to try the "cry it out" method we needed to be in a place where we didn't wake up our housemates.

We slept in the rental unit for 3 nights. Starting the very first night I didn't have to nurse Birch from 8pm until 5am!!!! It was a miracle. He woke up a few times, cried for about 5 minutes, and then went back to sleep. We decided to try it out in our house. The first night he woke up a few times, but I still didn't have to breastfeed him until 5am. For the last two nights he has slept from 8:30pm until 5am, without waking up!!!!!!!!!!! It is a miracle. I feel like a new person. I have energy. I have ideas and thoughts and even feelings. I enjoy playing. I have the patience needed to handle a busy 16 month old. Life is good again.



A friend with a newborn daughter asked me if I would do anything differently. I don't think I would. I'm glad that we slept with Birch in our bed and then that we had him in a bed in our room. I wouldn't change that. It was just time for something new. If I had been in a different living situation I might have tried the "cry it out" method earlier, but maybe not. I think it was easy to do now because Birch really seems to understand what is going on, so I didn't feel bad about letting him cry. Turns out that he was ready to take the step to put himself to sleep.

In this experience of parenting I've found that whenever I get to a point where I am frustrated or confused, something always shifts and the "problem" is resolved. It does take some creativity and some support from my community, and it definitely helps to voice my internal concerns and frustrations (i think writing the blog was helpful in turning the crisis around), and then things shift and i can see the rainbow in the sky.

Mamas...follow your intuition. Every baby is unique. And every mama/papa is unique. You have to do what is right for you and what is right for your baby.[/FONT]

Yes, we went to Hawai'i with Richard's family over the New Years and I haven't posted any photos yet. I guess life just got kind of crazy. Not sure what I do all day every day - other than change and wash diapers, wash all of Birch's other laundry (how does he get pee on everything!!), feed Birch 3 meals of solid food and breastfeed about 5 times a day as well, put him down for two naps a day, clean the house, cook for housemates, and try to find activities for a super active one year old. Ok, so that is actually a lot. And I should add that I am assistant manager for a Winter Farmers' Market that happens on Saturdays. And I am involved on the Leadership Council ("Board") for Post Oil Solutions. and I teach a cooking class at a house for young single moms. Oh yeah, and I am removing the wallpaper and then painting our bathroom. Among other things. I guess you could say that I am at the point in my life that I am ready to be something other than "Ma" (as Birch likes to call me). So photos have taken a back seat. But it is now time...

Our two week trip to Hawai'i was fabulous. It was hard for us to decide whether or not to go. We really wanted to spend time with Richard's family and the pull of warm weather and the beach was very strong. However, we have also been trying to be conscious about our travel choices because we know that travel is only possible for the overprivileged. The majority of the world's population can never take plane flights, nor afford to go on vacations, much less on vacations to places like Hawai'i. There is also the issue of tourism and private interests taking control of land that used to be communally owned, and drastically changing the way of life of a place, and oftentimes not for the better. And we are also trying to be aware of our carbon footprint and to make the least impact possible. Family won out over our conscience... this time.

10 hours in an airplane...that's right. It was a breeze. Our rambunctious baby turns into an angel in airports and on planes. He loves to make friends with everyone. We better travel while we can! Who knows when that will change.


Richard's mom and step-dad, four sisters and one brother, their spouses, and our 5 nieces and nephews (Birch is the youngest and his oldest cousin is 5) were all in Hawai'i. It was a big family reunion. We stayed in a house on the beach north of Kona on the big island. We spent a lot of time on the beach watching the kids. Is there anything better than watching children who are full of joy at everything they are experiencing? There were tide pools right off the beach which provided hours of entertainment. There were giant sea turtles swimming around at all times of the day. There was good snorkeling too and one day we saw a huge eagle ray right off the beach. We had a chance to go scuba diving and saw a nurse shark and cool octopus. We went hiking in the rainforest, to see petroglyphs (now "owned" by a resort - argh), and also to black sand beaches.



Whale season had just started and we often saw whales spouting water and slapping their tails. We also saw spinner dolphins jumping just out a ways from the beach where we stayed.


The warm air, saltwater, and papaya, banana and pineapple were so good for our bodies and spirits. Birch thoroughly enjoyed the experience (until he caught a really bad cold from his cousins)

After 10 days with the family we had a few days with just our family and we spent it on the other side of the island in Puna and at Volcano National Park, hiking on inactive volcanic craters.

Vacation is always a good time. It is good to get away from the routine of life, to rest, to strengthen the bond with family, to see a different place, and to expand our understanding of the world and of people. We took the opportunity to learn about the history of the colonization of Hawai'i, and the continued adverse effects of that colonization. We also learned more about the struggle of native Hawaiians for sovereignty - for control of their lands and their livelihoods. Winona LaDuke has written an excellent book "All Our Relations" that has a chapter on Hawai'i and the struggle for sovereignty. I highly recommend reading it. Above are carvings at a historic site that is sacred to the Hawaiian people. Ironically it is now owned by colonial interest, rather than by the people who hold it sacred. Below is a photo of Birch with one of the young palm trees recently planted at Kalapana, the black sand beach known for its sovereignty activism. The palm trees are a symbol of the seeds of justice that are being planted in the hearts and minds of young people so that they grow up to create a world full of justice for many, rather than a world in which the natural resources and labor are exploited for profit by only a few. We pray that Birch will grow up in a world where justice for "the people" is a reality.

Summer is a beautifully intense time of year. The vibrant greenness of the forest against the sky’s shimmering blue, the bright flowers popping out in every shade and hue, and the birds calling and swooping…it all makes me hold my breath in awe. The forsythia of early spring gave way to the fragrant lilac which have since turned brown and now the rhododendron, iris and poppies are what’s in style. And they are stylin!! It is full on summer and I am savoring every moment.


It is just how I imagined my summer. I’m feeling great and Birch is at such a fun age. He will be four months old on June 8th and he is a bundle of roly-poly smiles, which keeps us grinning too. He goes with us everywhere. The best is that he hangs out with us in the garden. I can’t get much done, but it is still fun to be around others who are gardening. It is hard to not be able to do all of the things that I want to, but sometimes, if I’m lucky, Richard will take him and I have a chance to get my hands in the dirt. This morning was one of those lucky days and I planted hot peppers – Thai, Habanero, Cherry Bombs and Hungarian – and sweet peppers – Carmen, Valencia, Snapper, Chocolate, and Revolution.



Planting peppers kind of feels like a revolution, at least the start of one. If we were planting peppers by ourselves it wouldn’t feel the same way, but because we are planting with our friends it feels like these peppers have power. And because the seedlings were shared with us by a farmer friend who had extras it feels like they have even more power. And because we shared pepper seedlings with a whole bunch of people they have even more power. This summer we are gardening with clients of the VT AIDS project, and with young single moms at a Life Skills house, and with kids at Oak Grove Elementary School, and with the SIT Graduate Institute farm (which will be sharing 1/3 of the harvest with the local food shelf). All of these gardens will be planting pepper seedlings. I know that these are just a few of the many gardens that are being planted this summer and I bet that all over the USA pepper seedlings are being shared and put in the ground in the hopes of a bountiful August harvest.

Something very powerful is happening with food. Many people are starting to think more about the food that goes into their bodies. There are concerned about where it comes from. They are troubled by how it is produced, and who is harmed in the process. And they are disturbed about the fact that the earth is being destroyed as well. They also don’t want to be paying huge prices for food that has chemicals sprayed on it and is shipped from thousands of miles away. It doesn’t have to be that way. Healthy and delicious food can be for everyone. So people are growing their own. And not only are they eating better, they are also building community by helping each other grow food, and by sharing food after it is grown. It feels like a revolution to be a part of this process. Growing peppers isn’t changing the economic system yet, but it is a step in that direction.

I love to be working on growing food with my little baby boy. He doesn’t know exactly what is happening, but he is learning invaluable lessons with each hour spent in the garden. We weed carrots, water seedlings, spread compost, and harvest lettuce. The whole time I am telling him about what we are doing and maybe calling to his attention the oriole flying above our heads, or the baby chicks wandering by. Birch seems to enjoy the time, in his own kind of way.


This is hopefully just the beginning of many years of gardening for the youngest member of the Berkfield family (a sure way to endear him to his parents!). Birch is perhaps our biggest motivation for our decision to move to the “Amazing Planet Farm and Justice Center”, a farm about 10 miles from where we currently live. In September we will move into a community that is seeking to live sustainably and to work for social, environmental, and economic justice. We will be living with two other young families on the farm and we will be working together to grow food for ourselves and for our neighbors. We have already begun to do some things together. This past weekend we had a work day to cut the firewood that will warm us during the upcoming winter. In living sustainably we will be challenging a political and economic system that is unsustainable. This is part of a global revolution to reclaim land, food, and community. People from Brazil to South Korea to Palestine are connecting with each other to resist the commodification of food. This movement is being called food sovereignty.

Doing something like this has long been a dream of ours and we can’t believe that it is happening. It seems crucial in these uncertain times of hunger, environmental degradation and economic collapse to relearn how to live in community and to provide for our basic needs, especially now that we have a young mind to teach. We are excited for Birch to grow up in a place where he can run around freely, swim in creeks, play with baby animals, wander through forests, and learn from the many people who will be caring for him. The dirt that is under his toenails today is going to be around for a long time.