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Go Forth and Seek Your Fortune!

A young man's search for meaning....and minimal employment.

California Here We Come!

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“We’ve been on the run, driving in the sun looking out for number one…..California, here we come!” These words and the accompanying melody have meant more to me than I could have ever thought the first time I heard them through the speakers of my laptop, in my room, as I watched the pilot episode of the O.C. I had pirated from the internet. The first few bars of the song by Phantom Planet evoke a stronger physical reaction and more vivid memories than any other seminal moment of my life. The upwelling of emotion is enveloping and unexplainable.
It was my curiosity and my lack of material that led me to that moment. I had been making fun of the show, which had just started becoming popular, relentlessly, sight unseen, and I felt I could no longer lambaste it without, at least, seeing a single episode. Or perhaps it was that I needed new material to further mock a show about a place not far from where I was born, that I secretly longed for, having moved away so young as to be a hometown in name only. But whatever led me to that crossroads, I had stumbled upon something profound. Something I believe to be a real truth.
I have been lucky enough to share not only the show but the song with many people in my life. Some have ebbed from my circle of friends and some have plainly fallen out of favor, but during those three minutes and fourteen seconds I remember each of them, and my friends Seth, Ryan, Summer, Marissa and Sandy, at their best, for all the joy they brought into my life. The way we hope to remember those who have died tragically and too young.
Whitney and Joney were college buddies. We would grow to be quite close, but at the moment I sat alone in the cluttered room of my apartment, laptop on my thighs, watching the opening credits, we were barely more than acquaintances. After divulging how much I actually liked the very thing I had been campaigning against and making them both watch it on a night they had come over to drink beers and wax masculine about girls and sports we found ourselves in a peculiar situation. Here were three very heterosexual college athletes suddenly compelled to watch a drama on Fox intended for teenage girls. The embarrassment of our desires, and the inability to quell them banded us together. For the next two years we watched the show, in secret, religiously, and even became roommates. Two years after that, we came out of the closet and watched it with our girlfriends and friends that were girls. Even though it smacked of girl’s night, it was this show, this teenage soap opera that forged a bond that has flourished into a friendship among men.
The summer after my sophomore year at The University of North Carolina, against all adult advice, I decided to take a road trip with two high school buddies. Six weeks, 10,000 miles. Lots of couches and no concrete plan. It was single-handedly the best thing I have ever done in my entire life. We departed from the nation’s Capital and made our way west in my parent’s old Toyota Previa minivan which we were allowed to take due to my father’s firm belief that it would never make it back and would save his having to dispose of it. I will never forget the afternoon the three of us crossed the threshold of the California/Nevada state line, barreling leftward across the map, shirtless, with the windows down and California exploding out of the speakers. We were pilgrims and this was our anthem. We had plowed through a dozen states, crawled over the Rockies and burned through the desert to be there in that moment, in that second where Nevada and Utah and Colorado, and Montana and Kansas and all of the rest of the world was at our backs and California, the garden of Eden, was in our grasp. It is not actually true that I will never forget that afternoon; I have already forgotten the hours through the desert before our crossing and the truck stop where we fueled both ourselves and the van, but I remember every leaf on every tree and all the tastes of the air and the sensation of being so present in the moment, in that moment, that it becomes eternal, no longer a fleeting piece of time, but a place that I can visit anytime I hear the magic words….California, here we come.
“I’m 47 years old, I’m a grown ass man.” Ira Glass, of This American Life fame, said this about he and his wife’s weekly ritual of belting out California over the opening of The O.C. He even admits to lamenting the show’s cancellation to the point of tears. The man hosts a show dedicated to human interest and, despite my avid listenership, I connected with him more than ever when, talking about a drama on Fox about rich high schoolers in southern California, he said, “Every single week it makes me love my wife and love T.V. and love everything in the world, all at once, and last week when the show went off the air I cried and I’m not ashamed to admit it.”
What it is about this show and this song that have stirred me so deeply, so personally and connected me to others in a similar way I am not entirely sure. I know the California of my birth is far from the Eden I have built it up to be, but if you see a silver minivan, laying wake to the interstate towards the state line with the windows down and the radio up, just know I might be going home. “Right back where we started from.”


Where are we going and what am I doing in this handbasket?

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As someone who wrote their college thesis predicting the mortgage crisis, and, as an extension, speculated that it could cause problems for the financial industry, I am more than willing to admit that I am surprised that things appear to be as bad as they are. But the key word is appear. I am in no way saying that we are not in dire trouble, what I am saying is that I am having a hard time figuring out what to think. I can't find anyone who can give me a straight answer. I watched CNN for ninety minutes this afternoon and can honestly say I wasted an hour and twenty-nine minutes of my life. I am confident that we as average Joes can handle the truth, so I kindly ask for just the facts please.
Bernanke was a PhD advisor for my father, and I have a lot of respect for him, but I don't understand his recent remarks. My faith is waning in system that I fear has forgotten that those of just getting by, as a collective, are supposed to be the ones who matter most. I don't place the full weight of the blame in those in office, because I guess we, as citizens, let it happen. But my hopes for the future are far exceeding my expectations.

Bumbershoot!

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What do three days of music, dance and sunshine have to do with the British slang for umbrella? A lot, as it turns out. Bumbershoot, an English term for an umbrella, is also the name of a three day music and arts festival in Seattle. And I, being in Seattle to redirect my belongings back south, was staying at my parents home, mere blocks from the spectacle. My father, a hoopie-frood in almost every way, had flown my cousin in from California to attend. So my grandfather, my father, my cousin James and I headed down Queen Anne hill to Seattle Center to see what we could see.
I was the only Bumber-rookie in the group, as it was Dad's fifth, Grandpa's third and James's second Bumbershoot. I have been to a few music festivals and have been disappointed in the past. The mellow and eclectic vibe of Bumbershoot was an eye opening experience. Everyone was there, from families with little children dancing on the lawn, to too-cool-for-school teenagers moshing, to crazy old hippies with streamers dancing on the lawn. I heard more great bands than I could mention. Luckily they have a website for you to see for yourself. To prove that Bumbershoot is a complete hodgepodge of sonic goodness, I saw Lucinda Williams and T.I. perform on the same stage, separated by a mere 24 hours.

Other highlights included:

Band of Horses
The Staxx Brothers
Darondo & Nino Moschella
!!!
Nick Vigarino
Vicci Martinez
Nada Surf
Keyshia Cole
Star Anna
Tyrone Wells
Dale Watson
Paramore
The Offspring
Choklate
Bedouin Soundclash
Vince Mira
Langhorne Slim & The War Eagles
Blitzen Trapper

Trying to keep up with my father, wheeling my grandfather recklessly like a bat of hell.
Letting Dad buy the CD's and him letting me rip them.

Change of Plans

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Before the dust settled from the hike, I kicked it up again. Walking the last leg of the trip up the hill to the Old Well I was thinking "How can I leave such a beautiful place?" I was distracted from this by all of the fanfare at the completion of our journey, but the question still lingered. How could I be leaving a place that I knew I loved for a place that the only thing I was sure of was that I was going to struggle with the weather? So without a solid answer to this question I decided not to leave. In the time since the hike was completed I have secured a place in town, moved in, found a job (part time - keeping with my goal of minimal employment) and been to the big box stores to set most of the place up. And apart from a bed, a TV or any seating, the place is all set.

This does not mean that the adventure is off. In fact, it is only beginning. To prove it, I am writing this while looking across the Seattle skyline. More on that soon.

Finished at Last

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The Strength of Kindness

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I will never see Wayne again. I am sure of this. I cannot find a circumstance that would bring me back to the side of the road of US 421 in rural North Carolina and even if I were to return, I doubt that it would result in my crossing paths with Wayne. Though I won't see Wayne again, I certainly won't forget his kindness.
The afternoon sun combined with the humidity and the weight of my pack almost brought me to my knees. After a sleepless night camped next to the highway with the lullaby of 18 wheelers whizzing by a few feet from my blistered feet, the hours of hiking along the shadeless road, our water long drank, refills miles away we were hitting rock bottom. We hadn't spoken a word in hours and that had only been quarrelling. We were only able to walk 20 minutes at a time before having to rest. My brain had started to panic. We had gotten ourselves into real trouble. Behind the eight ball, the heat now radiating off of the road baking us from above and below we needed help.
I initially thought we were in for trouble when the blue late model Silverado pulled off of the road and onto the dirt path we were walking on. We were in no shape to defend ourselves and we were in an area where the odds of the driver being armed were far greater than not. The truck pulled closer to us, stopped like deer in the headlights, exhausted, tongues ajar, the window was cranked down and a human paw was thrust out, holding out a Gatorade. I could see it was still cold by the condensation on it. A second later a bottle of water was hanging out of the truck, connected to the Good Samaritan, Wayne. "I thought you boys could use some of this." he said. We needed it more than he could have known. After giving us the much needed liquid he invited us into the cab of his truck to sit in the AC for a few minutes. We were far too dehydrated and exhausted to display our gratitude and the gravity of our situation to Wayne. I hope our silence was more of a sign of our need than our distrust. I am certain that Wayne's act of kindness got me through the worst physical day of my life.

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Thirteen miles behind us and three to go until we could sleep our shadows had disappeared with the sun overhead, we were behind schedule. We had left well before dawn to avoid the heat but our tardiness meant the last leg of the day’s hike would be hot. We had just entered the town limits of Fuquay Varina and cars were passing too close for comfort. A white compact veered off the road to a vacant parking lot across the street from us and a young woman leapt out and started at us like a mother chasing down a child who had forgotten their lunch. We were too tired to react and just stared as she dodged traffic. In her hands was a large Ziploc of cookies which she jammed into my hands while she blurted that she had seen us on the news and supported our hike. She mentioned being late to something and was gone as soon as she came. What she doesn't know is that the hour before she gave us the cookies two of us had received slight injuries and moral was pretty low because we had discovered a miscalculation that meant we had more miles to walk than we had originally thought. This gift from a stranger renewed our sense of purpose and catapulted us through the rest of our mileage that the day. And although the cookies weren't the best I ever tasted, I can't think of a batch I have more appreciated.

Civilized!

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I have been off of the hike for a couple of days to tend to my feet, which have hit a breaking point - I'm planning to return tomorrow - and my appreciation for the comforts of the first world has grown exponentially. Air conditioning, running water, beds, these are amazing things. In my time back in civilization I have raced cars twice, played mini golf, gone to the movies and ate my fill of Tex-Mex in the cool AC many times. And although I am trepidatious about returning to the discomforts of the road, I feel that it will lead to an even greater appreciation of the good life when I return. When I started hiking the physical strain was all I could experience, but as the miles passed beneath our feet the mental aspect of such a trip became clear. It is an endless exercise in motivation, setting small goals to distract you from the enormity of your mission. Knowing that now, I hope to return to the hike in much better condition than I left, physically and mentally.

Terrible Idea

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Waking up to a beautiful morning in Wrightsville Beach, showering one last time and making last minute preparations I feel excited to start our journey. 170 miles to hike, think of all of the great conversation that lies ahead. Strapping the last of our gear to our packs the news reporter pulls up with her whole family to film us leave - it's her birthday and we are the last thing keeping her from celebrating. Getting only a few steps another reporter shows and we have to recreate the leaving scene, only to discover that the camera is broken. We agree to meet the guy later and be interviewed after some progress. It is getting hotter, and humid, and hotter. By the time the third reporter comes by we have already drank our entire water rations for the day. We stop for lunch and I have to take my knife to my foot in four places to drain the fluid filling my blisters. After a long rest we press on. Standing in front of the giant draw bridge with no sidewalk we decide there is no other way to cross the Cape Fear River, but I am not happy about this. Two bridges later and moral in the dumps we press on a few more miles and find a place to camp under a tree by the side of the road (421). Sleep comes around five in the morning when I am finally exhausted enough to ignore the 18 wheelers barreling by a few feet from our tent.

Waking after only an hour and half of restless sleep I realize I have over packed and we (read Joney) have Grossly Underestimated what we are in for. But with miles to go before we sleep and civilization at our backs, we hike. It is getting hotter, and humid, and hotter. The hours pass and not a word is spoken. Speaking only leads to quarrelling and I am not myself in this heat. I can hear my complaining but cannot stop the torrent. It is a great credit to Joney that he didn't hit me for my foul attitude. It must have been the heat that saved me. We get into some trouble have passed up on refilling our water supplies at a creek and now that the hottest part of the day is setting in we are low on water. As the day turns from broil to bake from the heat thrown off of the pavement we have slowed to a hobble. A truck loaded with caged beagles pulls off the road and deliverance music starts to play in my head. Wayne, who turns out to be our guardian angel, having seen us on the news has brought us water and Gatorade. In that moment, his act of kindness means more to me than any other gift I have ever received. Our relief is short lived and his departure leaves us alone and struggling with the weight of this trip and our packs. By the end of the day we are unwelcomed guests sitting in front of the last gas station/source of water within a days hike. My feet are in need of attention and our arranged gear drop is going to put us over the limit. We simply cannot walk with any more weight on our backs. With the gravity of all this I decide to abandon the hike for a few days to resupply our fuel and first aid kit as well as do some work to avoid carrying my computer and have my feet tended to.

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Having left the hike I am finding it very difficult to motivate myself to rejoin it. Life in civilization is so much sweeter than I had remembered. My feet, although still ailing, are getting better. My problem clearly lies in that my desire to join this trip was as the opportunity to pal around with my old roommates before I move, but two weeks of hiking on the side of the road, without speaking because it is too hot to speak is not any fun. Two weeks is a long time to not have any fun. A trip of this magnitude is a test of mental strength and one needs strong resolve to cross the finish line - a promise that finishing will be meaningful. I have neither the resolve nor the sense of purpose. I am willing to take the hit to my pride that leaving delivers because I think there is wisdom and humility in admitting when you are in over your head and making the decision to get out while your feet and spirit are still intact. To rejoin or not to rejoin?

The Calm Before the Storm

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In less than 24 hours the discomfort of 170 miles of shadeless pavement will be home for the next 10-15 days. My friend J-Money picked me up in Raleigh, NC this morning and brought me to his house in Wrightsville Beach, the starting place for the hike to Chapel Hill. I had a nice surf session, small fun waves all to myself as J-Money is feeling a little under the weather. I have to get some work done by COB and am having some trouble concentrating with the beautiful surroundings and inviting waves. I'm hoping to finish the work and relax a bit before the pain begins.

www.hjwalk.com

"Young Men Hike the Rural Desert, Sure to Become Road Kill"

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The clock may read 1:39 AM but I'm think I've discovered some new, not yet discovered time for I feel it must be around 30 O'clock. I have been packing for so long that I can't remember what it felt like to be well rested and clean. I have gathered credit card airline miles at the UPS Store, the Post Office and damn near every take out place in town. My fingers are still pruned from the cleaning products I used on the stove. I have decided to pack it in for a couple of hours because I caught myself packing garbage and throwing out clothes. Besides, I have to be up for the steam cleaners at the crack, unless they operate on cable guy time and then I can sleep until next Wednesday and I am being interviewed by the AP in the morning for the upcoming hike across half of NC. I don't know if it will be too fruitful for the poor reporter:
"Do you know how far you will hike each day?"
"Not really sure."
"Have you arranged where you will sleep?"
"Nope."
I can't wait to read the headline: "Young Men Hike the Rural Desert, Sure to Become Road Kill".
As I lay me down to sleep, please don't let me dream of packing...or road kill.
December 2009
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