Its a mad mad world!

I have finally started to realise that nothing lasts forever...nothing...and I am not talking about love here...I think I have dragged my incompetency to comprehend it long enough to leave marks for a lifetime...

I am talking about something that belongs to me, that was given to me as a baby inside ma's womb...I think I needed to have it as much I need fresh air to breathe and good clean water to drink...

So, whats happening? Why am I going through this painful process again and again...I am not that deprived a soul that again and again I shall give a testimonial to my capabilities...

That is a pain beyond comparison, when you know you can do so much in the world and still something is stalling your way ahead...Its like your friends are all dashing to meet the Ice-cream man and though you were trotting along with them, somehow, someone is holding the back of your dress and you are just moving your legs frantically but not moving...stuck at the same place...

I think becoming redundant is worse than not having someone to love you...The greater question in my life is that will someone ever understand what it is to love someone who is redundant...

Of all the calamities I had imagined in my life, and by the way, that counted the fact that maybe one day there would be a civil war due to which we would all be clubbed in a building like Anne Frank till we died or something...So, never in my wildest of calamities had I ever imagined that this would happen...and little did I know that this is not the end...there is more to come and maybe, its never ending...God! What will I do in my life? This life will be such a ...battle, yes, it will be such a battle...

How rough does the weather get from here? My mast has broken, my wood is getting heavier, I dont know how long I can sail in this weather in this battered ship...

I am not yet ready to give up but I am fighting a supernatural power which can rip me apart anytime it wants...Its just watching me struggle against it and watching the fun, taking its own sweet time to just brush me aside like a feather once its amusement fades...I am helpless but I am used to making the best of life with what I have, and if my resources get smaller by the minute, then I will survive till my last minute resource...

Bleak, but not dead yet...Mejaj tai aashol raja, ami raja noi...

She put her soul into many things she believed in...She loved a lot of things in life, but I guess happiness is one of those fleeting things that evade you time and again...

She wasnt as upset as she had been till recently, but she definitely had bitterness engulfing her being...Because life was not the way she made it...Nor is it the way she wanted it to be...then why was she being pointed at? Why is it so difficult to understand that she is who she is and thats what makes her different from you...or we would all be clones...

Am I making any sense to you? I am sure not, because life is a journey of one senseless destination to the next..A famous person once quoted, 'Life is not reaching the destination, it is the journey'...If that is the case, then that means her life is pretty much empty, because thats what her journeys are...

Having loved from the depths of her heart, the shards of those very promises now pierced her already bruised body of emotions and thoughts...

Being accused of leaving mid-hill, of causing irreparable pain, of being in the driver's seat when the crash took place...Not a nice thing to happen to anyone...All this, she truthfully accepted, not to be put down upon but in the hope that she would be able to come out of it stronger...and what did she get in return? More miseries, harsh words and accusations...on and on and on...

You loved her, didnt you? The garden you shared, the rose and the lilies you planted with your very own hands...even uprooted the weeds, sharing a hearty laugh about some unimportant thing...It was all true, wasnt it? Then what seems to be a lie now? Do you question something that belongs to you?

There was something in your eyes, that told me you loved me, and that you would do so forever...

So far so good, the monotony seems to be gradually and very carefully engulfing my being...Nothing that mattered then matters now...and very honestly, nothing matters now...

Very often have had the feeling that this very moment is here to stay...and have gone out of my way to make sure that it stays...

Questioning my sensibilities, I have stuck on to some vague dream that may or may not have been realised ever...still as happy go lucky as a seaweed can be, I have hung onto the odd rock here and there in the brutal storm...

Questioning my wit and humour, I have gone on to laugh away every misery that has come my way...thinking its silly to be crying about what one has lost, I have wiped every tear I cried...Knowing just too well that a another misery is lurking somewhere there in the corner...

Questioning my faith because love is not what I thought it to be...If anything, it is a teacher, that has taught me not to fall blindly for anything in life...in fact, ironical though it may sound, love itseld advises you against love...

Like everything else in life, love must come with a sound reasoning...Somehow, that spoils the magic that love is meant to be, but I guess life is such...When you seem to finally understand somethings in life, you notice you have reached there pretty late...

So much has happened in life, that Linking Park's song strangely seems like a lullaby now...as if they had figured out life long before any of us did...and good they did, atleast I have reference now...Feel strong, warm and sheltered in the wings of this song...Dont know when it happened...

This life is not that easy, nor is it that inexpensive that one can while it away...just wishing and longing hasnt got me anywhere in life and it seems to have become a permanent flaw in my system now...longing and wishing are emotions I have come to avoid lately as they expose bruises that havent browned yet...and exposing myself in such a cold world is something I can do without...as it is, there is such a mess to tidy up...

Hmmm...life goes on and so will I, more worthily this time though...treating life with as much delicate dignity and balance that it deserves from me...

As for the rest of the things that keep coming and going in my life, I guess, in the end, it doesnt even matter...

She was sitting next to the two people...The two people, very much in love, were holding hands and lying close together under a blanket, with a open book on one side and their mobile phones and a bottle of water on the other...She was at the foot of the bed, playing a video game with her back to them...For two reasons, one, she was racing Schumi's car and wanted to defend his reputation virtually as well...And secondly, cos she wanted to let them have their share of privacy with her around...Not that they asked for it, they were content with her around, after all, all three of them were family now...But still...

So on and on her car zoomed, till her mind was tizzying with thoughts of her own...Wondering why it so happened that love always came and left from her life...How she got the best and lost it all while many lesser mortals today were content in their mediocrity...what was it that continuously made her an outcast in her own world??

Going round and round in her own circle of thoughts, wishing life threw up an answer on its own, she realised one thing...While life never ever throws up an answer on its own (yes, thats right) it somehow mellows down things with the passage of time...so much so, that life becomes a different ball game in sometime...The way you look at things change as time adds its sheen to it slowly but surely...

What hurt then may not even scratch your surface now...what was an invincible monster then has become almost non-existent now...what was a sorrow not possible to overcome has become but a little wound now...Gosh!every tragedy looks so huge in the eye of the storm, but soon it passeth over...

Playing a mindless game by now, she realised the couple were happily murmuring to each other about which curtains to take once they get married...At that very instant, she felt like an intruder, into their space, into their worlds and an intruder even in her own reality...

Feeling very out of skin, she shivered in her own lonliness...lifting the blanket closer, scared of what was to come...actually scared of the fact that the time that would come would not be as great as the time that had already gone by...Angry for being disillusioned at a point of time when life was going well for her, for taking the road less travelled by...maybe mediocrity is a disguised bliss...After all, who wants to be a troubled genius?

It was 1'o clock in the night. A lot of blah blahs suddenly took place with all three voicing what to do next. Deciding to leave, the guy took out his car for dropping the ladies home...In the car, the girl kept her hand on top of the guy's hand on the gear...and a painful memory rushed in as if it was waiting for its chance and moment of torment...

But this time, it didnt hurt that much...Guess time and life are working its way out...