Fat Guy Follies

I am now one armed. The surgeon says that I cannot apply any force to my right arm. This has been an eye opening experience for me. Initially I figured that I would just double the amount of time it takes to do something with two hands, and one armed jobs would be the same, but no that doesn't work. Even one handed jobs take twice as long with my left hand. As an experiment, when you have your morning constitutional, try wiping your butt with the other hand. If you are not fat, try taping a couple of pillows around your waist to get the full level of frustration.

In case anyone else is considering injuring their dominant hand / arm, here are some guidlines for calculating you new level of efficiency. Just multiply the normal time by the factor indicated.

Brushing your teeth: 1.6
Typing: 2.5, most of that is spent fixing mistakes, and I only use 2 fingers when both arms work.
Cutting bread: - don't bother, that is what sliced bread is for.
Putting on deodorant: broken arm pit - 1.0, good arm pit - 1.3
Driving: 1.0
Driving while talking on cell phone and eating a Triple OOO White Spot Burger :1.1
Tying Shoes: 4.0
Wiping Butt: 1.4 but getting better
Getting dressed: 2.5 Buttons are a killer
Enjoying a pint of Lager: 1.0 - Most fat guys drink equally well with either hand. We always train for that contingency.
Eating a nice steak dinner: - Not possible, unless Kim cuts my steak
Enjoying a nice steak while eating it with my hands: 0.65 - Manners are so over rated
Groping my girlfriend: 0.85 - Kim wears that naughty nurse outfit all the time now, what can I say?

We have one pic of my shoulder, followed by a collage from Dan on why we like motorbikes.


The black bits are tire embedded in Dan, and it his brother in law's butt.
Cheers
One Arm Bryan