Captains' blog

Becoming an "adult". An adult is someone who has aged and experienced enough to be able to navigate his own life efficiantly. I recently have started feeling very cramped down in my life because I am still living under someone elses roof, and because I do I have enough respect for these people to not fully openly live and make decissions that are my own. My decissions are muzzled many times so that I do not offend or show an incongruance to the house beliefs, not out of fear of these people, but out of respect to them. But I am REALLY feeling too large for my muzzle anymore, I feel as though I must leave soon, and I think that I have actually put into motion my escape. In fact I know that I have started to "pack up" in reguards to one area, an area i visit all day in my mind every day, an area that has had the largest influence on my drive for life again. But other things as well, that up until now have been afterthoughts but all lead to the same open door. Whenever I heard the term "opens doors" from the world as a child and very young adult somehow the mental image was always doors leading into places, but lately the term has givin me visuals of doors leading out, and these afterthoughts leading to a door, definetly lead to an out door.

See the out door leads to no walls or ceilings, plenty of opportunity for sewing and reaping my own future. The door does not lead to a set-up system of people who can "advance" my career. It's a good image to me to see a sky in my future, and not business suits... even if the clouds and ties are metaphorical, which they are, but my mind views metaphors in image form i guess, but at least I understand how my mind works.

Anyway with the decision to leave school pretty much cemented in my mind, I am able to become a mule capable of delivering most of my time to earning cash, cash that needs to go to the loans and the bills I am trying to escape so soon. Loans and bills that were seeded in the inside world I was living out of respect. Once these hurdles and lessons are have been met, I know that I will be ready to take the loans and bills that I want to take on, the ones I choose to have for myself, the ones that set up my intended future. These are the growing up steps I have felt power in that are already in effect. Once this "exit interview" is over I will feel no more due respect to be given, and I can literraly pack my bags and walk out to my new bold world.

Out of coincidence, fate, or destiny, whatever you belive in, I find it very poetic that the last few of these steps will begin in January, the birth of the new year, will also birth my new life. January sees the start of a new year of students in school, but not me. January see the start of my payments to pay off the one semester at Red Rocks I am currently enrolled in. January sees that my bank account pays off the HUGE sallie-mae loan(s), and begins to auto withdrawl my own cash to pay off a fresh new loan at the bank for the same amount - but as one loan. January also sees one more surprise into the future life of Anton Dennis Espinoza II... one that I will write about in January.

So here is to 2008, a very pivotal change, and start in my life.