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I have been been becoming depressed at work for a while now. I have been feeling like I sold my soul for a good paying job, and now I think the demons are showing up to take their pay. The last few weeks have been really rough, and yesterday I really started to fall apart. I don't know what I can do, and I mean that in the immediate sense of my skills and capabilities, as well as in a bigger sense like what options are available to me and how I need to carry any of them out if possible to end up in a better place.

Maybe I can keep this post short but my emotions are getting really worn out, and I don't know how much joy I can find at work if theres any left to be had. I really work really physically hard at work in dangerous environments, and I always do my best, so when I can't do something well that others can do easily, I feel very inadequate and small. I also think that superiors may get the impression of laziness or poor determination, but it's never the case. I feel like the more I try to climb out of this hole, the more mud I'm pulling off the walls around me, like it's just getting worse.

I think my spirit is breaking as I grow older too. Before you tell me I'm not old, realize I never said I was old, I know I'm not. I said I'm getting older. I don't feel good.