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Posts tagged with "life"

I don't know

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I have been been becoming depressed at work for a while now. I have been feeling like I sold my soul for a good paying job, and now I think the demons are showing up to take their pay. The last few weeks have been really rough, and yesterday I really started to fall apart. I don't know what I can do, and I mean that in the immediate sense of my skills and capabilities, as well as in a bigger sense like what options are available to me and how I need to carry any of them out if possible to end up in a better place.

Maybe I can keep this post short but my emotions are getting really worn out, and I don't know how much joy I can find at work if theres any left to be had. I really work really physically hard at work in dangerous environments, and I always do my best, so when I can't do something well that others can do easily, I feel very inadequate and small. I also think that superiors may get the impression of laziness or poor determination, but it's never the case. I feel like the more I try to climb out of this hole, the more mud I'm pulling off the walls around me, like it's just getting worse.

I think my spirit is breaking as I grow older too. Before you tell me I'm not old, realize I never said I was old, I know I'm not. I said I'm getting older. I don't feel good.

Interviews, Stories, Reviews, I Do Them All!

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Here are a few interviews I have conducted:
Musician: XOC
Musicians: Robotobots
Musician: Doujah Raze

Reviews too:
Nintendo Wii: Donkey Kong Country Returns
Nintendo DS: Mario and Sonic at the WInter Olympics (sponsored review)
Nintendo Wii: No More Heroes
Nintendo Wii: Super Mario Galaxy
Nintendo DS: Pokemon Pearl (Japanese game-card pre-view)

Story time:
You suck! Continue?: Games you love, but cannot defeat.

Hire me!



Work

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Whew, work is tough! Not work in general, I'm talking specifically about the work I do: Sanitarian of a very popular potato chip and corn chip company. Every task I have is very hot and I get filthy doing it. One task I have is also very very stinky. The work is very detail orientated which I guess is natural, you don't want to half-ass your work when millions of people could get sick because you missed something simple, and it's also extremely taxing on your energy and strength. I preform my job well, as I always try to, but I think I am ready to do a job that I love to do, or could grow to love to do. Something artistic would be ideal, but I would also enjoy other outlets like social media type jobs, or "fit" jobs like park ranger or surf instructor (first I gotta learn to surf, and also get a toned physique)

Does anyone have any connections into world like these that maybe could wanna help me out just a tiny bit? I am very ok with relocation, if you were to ask me to work for Toho creating godzilla monsters I would easily move to where the sun rises for example. Opera guys, if you read this and know of a spot you think I would do well in, hey! I'm listening! Or McFarlan Toys, I can create figures too!

Alls Im sayin' is, I am good with my hands, and like to make things, but I also love to talk to strangers on the interwebs through media like MyOpera and Nplus, can navigate tech pretty well, and am ready for a fun-loving work environment. Oh and Opera I heard you guys just got a bunch of Lime flavored Sparkling Mineral Water in the office... so ya know... invite me over for a meeting?

A Calling?

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Donate to the Red Cross efforts in Japan
This earthquake that just happened in Japan has sent out pretty big waves across the Pacific Ocean. Hawaii got hit with them, California got em, and Oregon got em too. And so did I, living on top of North America and actually almost most of the world, Colorado is known as the Mile High State in the United States because of the one mile above sea level we live at. We are very far from the coast, but still something has been stirred up in me.

I still am trying to figure out why this has connected with me so strong, when the United States herself is on the rebound after the disasters that hit our southern coast in recent times. But I have decided that the "why" is less important than the "what" right now, and "what" happened is that right now sitting at a local starbucks, drinking a $3.75 cup of chocolate espresso, I am itching to pack this laptop up in my backpack, and drive straight to DIA and fly non-stop into Japan and help do whatever an extra set of hands, legs, eyes, and ears can do! I know that at this exact moment there isn't much I can do as I haven't any specialized training in anything at all. But I am still filled with a new energy.

I really do want to help, so I have already donated to the American Red Cross for the fight, and I have created a sort-of home base for donations over at N+: http://my.opera.com/Nplus/blog/japan-earthquake - and while this does make me feel good, I can't stop thinking about throwing sandbags, carrying food, tying tents down, or doing anything that my body can do to help. I rarely depend on my mind to help me out, but I have always been able to rely on my body, it's got much more strength in it than what appears to be, I know I have pushed it pretty good at times, but I know I haven't even come close to it's max. I have no idea what that might be, but I bet it's tied pretty close to the strength of my spirit, and when the chips are down, my spirit won't give up - especially when the challenge is physical, maybe its a bit masochistic but I like "the burn", or the sore muscles the next day, or wobbly legs.

Now this might sound a little selfish, but I am going to say it anyway, even though I really want to help out, I would not like it if I was stuck at a home-base type position if I were to be a part of an organization like the Red Cross. It wouldn't feel right to me, I would really only want to go into it, if they were to let me help out directly with the people in need. I want face time, this is more than just a rescue effort for people in these disasters, it's also a spiritual journey for myself, one where I am allowed to continually meet new people, even in just fleeting moments, and to go to new lands, and to be without, but all the while know that behind every action I take in this journey, they all benefit others.

I need to do some serious research. This feels very important to me. I mean it's been a while since I put anything down in this online log, and it's because most of what I have been doing isn't really different than the day before, but it hasn't been bad! don't think so! I have been very very happily married for almost two years, and each moment I get to spend away from work and sleep, I have loved spending with my wife. I have been rediscovering my beautiful state of Colorado, which really is awesome when you get into our wilderness. - So to return to this log, which I have been wanting to add to for a while now, is a small sign of how this relief work has got some kind of hold on me right now.

Back to Life

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It's strange now, the time I have to get so much of nothing done. With the Alien taking up so much of my time, and causing me to wake up much earlier than I would normally decide too, I have slipped into a natural new sleep cycle which only gives me about four hours of sleep, and a lot of daylight with which I currently have no use! But it's good to be back to relaxing, Donkey Kong Country Returns this month and I am looking forward to spending a lot of time catching up with my old friend, it's been so long.

Work has presented me with a set schedule finally, which is nice because now I can sort of plan out my weeks in advance. Where I work they put up next weeks schedule 3 days before the next week starts, so if you don't know what days you have off, you must not make any plans until 3 days before the week starts. Although in the summer I am pretty much going to be planning on working the first of my two days off each week, and hoping that I don't get called-in. It's a busy place and you definetly WORK there. For now though it's ok, winter is a slow season for snack chips, not too may people are Bar-B-Q-ing.

If you have been a long time reader of my logs then you will know that growing up has been a common theme here, If you are not a long time reader, well I just told you so now you know p. I'm still growing up, faster than I think I even notice anymore, sometimes I need to take a step back and just reflect to see it. I feel much more calmed down than before, much more reserved and less concerned with visually striking appearances in the way I dress. I think that I may even skip the regular adult phase and enter an old man professor phase, patched elbow jackets and earth tone corduroy pants. Also my metabolism is getting tired, that or I am just morphing from a young mans body into just mans body, which sucks because with all the pokemon I have played I have learned that most of the time the leveling up lets you morph into an awesomer creature than before. That being said I have never evolved Chinchou because his evolution is rediculously ugly, and now I have a LV100 Chinchou who can never evolve smile

Anyway give me some time to find other things to post here, the Alien became such a large place in my time and mind that many things I used to think about got put on hold.

New Job: Frito-Lay Chip Packer

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I package chip bags into boxes at Frito-Lay (a devision of Pepsico) now, last night was my first night next to the belts actually putting the chips into the boxes. I can't tell you too much because of trade secrets and stuff but I can tell you that after this first night I feel like I broke my arms the muscles are so sore! The guy I was training with said I was doing super good though for my first night, better than he did, which is good because I want to stop struggling asap! it's nuts how fast you have to move. Anyway if you want a rough idea of how well I do my job, Lucille Ball can illustrate this for you pretty well, as for me im going back to the icy-hot.

He's Crafty

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For the last two days I have been busying myself with cardboard and smoldering hot glue finger blisters. I haven't been at the computer much at all, so I wanted to let you guys know what I was up to while I had a moment to spare...
I'll give you two guesses as to what I am making...

Deckers: 08/13/2010

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Today we went up to Deckers in Colorado, It's in the Rocky Mountains (photo gallery), and is one of my favorite places. Usually when I visit Deckers it's to fish but I don't have a fishing license yet this year so I didn't bring the gear, and today we just went for a hike.

The weather was amazing today, very warm, not too hot because we had enough shade while walking between the trees, the breeze blowing through the mountains helps, and near the river it's a little cooler, oh yeah and there wasn't any stupid tar or asphalt around either! It's so nice up there, all you can hear is the river, and breeze, and the occasional fishermen talking to each other, you can't see any sky scrapers, walmarts, starbucks, banks, or other city life crap - just pure awesome clean air, clean fresh-water, and clean forest. The drive up to the place takes you right through a part of the famous Hayman Fire though, and it's not so pretty sad but luckily the fire never got to this part of the river. Most people fish downstream from the area I like to hike all the way up to, which is nice because it helps to get the solitary feeling, AND this area has bigger fish wink. A few miles downstream there are camping sites, and a little bit further down is an area where people can park their cars and after even just a minute of walking can begin fishing - in shallower water, with smaller fish, but because the river is shallower it is wider and offers a safer current.

Today I decided to go swimming in the water, it's very very refreshing and cold, it actually takes the breath right out of you when you first go in, but after a little bit your body adjusts and it's great! I could swim all day here! There are also plenty of lizards running around up there, and snakes too, this time I didn't see any Bull Snakes like I did last time but I did see a couple of baby snakes of species I couldn't identify, one actually leaped to attack the walking stick I was using, nice! We saw I think it was seven lizards, and two deer while we were up there too. We are going to shop for more pro-style hiking shoes before we go back, converse (him) and sandals (her) just aren't good enough for some of the climbing you need to do there to continue along the river. Well here is a short clip of me swimming in the river, and believe me it is just a small fraction of how long I stayed in the water, I even submerged a few times to get the total effect.

Too many apples!

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Yesterday I ate a bunch of dried apples, you know because they taste so darned good and I was so darned hungry! I enjoyed it then, and all night I was fine, but this morning I woke up to feeling very yucky in my guts, and had to visit the bathroom around six or seven times. I'll save you the gritty details but let's just say that everything I dropped off was solid and in decent amounts - I went a lot basically. And this entire time I didn't know what was going on, all morning I felt like I needed to throw up and stuff, I drank some tea and tried to figure out what was going on, what I ate "was it bad milk?", I just didn't know, well after each restroom visit I felt a little better and a little better, and the "evidence" left in the "depository" started to look like it contained a lot of apple... yuck

Sorry for posting something that isn't as beautiful as an adventure at Red Rocks, or beautiful at all for that matter, but you married this blog for better or for WORSE, and trust me it can get a lot worse. You didn't marry this blog you say? then why are you still here? probably because it's real and it's truth, and maybe somewhat interesting. Or maybe it's just too darned handsome aye? Whatever it is the lesson you need to take from my recent incident is to NEVER eat too much dried fruit, I think it sucks up your stomach and gut fluids or something and leaves you feeling pretty crappy later doh

I feel much better now, not great, but much better thank you. Oh and also if you have any awesome ideas for halloween costumes please send them my way, both me and my wife are at a stand-still this year with ideas.

Tired Feet

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Today we swoke up without having any plan, but we had 2 ideas to choose from: Red Rocks or Deckers. We chose to go to Red Rocks because it was closer and our tummies weren't feeling so great. We went and felt a lot better after hiking around on trails that were longer than we thought they would be. We also saw three deer while we were there, 2 males and 1 female. I got very close to 2 of them to take pictures and even a bit of video filming. After we left Red Rocks we decided to get lost somewhere and see where the adventure would take us, rain was threatening us all day, it never really came which was good. See all the photos!

The second part of our journey accidentally placed us in Mt. Falcon Park, a nice place in the Rocky Mountains with very impressive views, and because the winds that were blowing rain clouds overhead were so close and it was raining in the mountains, just not on us, it smelled really good, and the temperature was fantastic! The hiking tired us out though, so we came back down into town and had some dinner with our buddy Justin Vigil, we ate at the same place we did exactly one year ago - the day Olga arrived home in Colorado! party

Whew, I'm tired, I think we should watch some episodes of Friends and maybe play a little Super Mario Galaxy 2 together and call it a day.