My Operaknowing true 'work'
Saturday, August 19, 2006 2:22:31 PM
It hits me, in an a chic club in central London. And the thought comes across my mind: I've never known what hard work is', what true focus and dedication is. When we exist in a mode of action that is so far away from our potential - it catches up on you. You realise you're not doing yourself justice. I really want to put everything on the line to achieve something. To experience what 'greatness' is. And its a real challenge. There are setbacks and there are distractions. But I know I have to keep my gaze firmly ahead of me. Everything else must be peripheral. The blur that smudges ones ability and potential, needs to be clarified and decoded.
I mean, its common sense, its not some epiphany that makes me think this way. Only the common logic that to acheieve, one must sacrifice. All this time, I've set my sights on grandiose thoughts and dreams, while neglecting the basics. Naievity holds a sharp kitchen knife and it feels like he's attacked and done damage. There is no short cut to success, to pure happiness. Knowing that makes me feel out of my depth at times. Knowing that I've not done much with my life so far, it nags me, it itches under my skin. Everything I deemed important is being called in to question. It's like getting a rude smack across your face. Your first reaction is bitter anger. Then somepoint when the pain subsides, it appears to you what you need to do. And then you have to pick yourself up, find it in yourself to rise up to the occasion. And it only comes from the pit of your gut, from the bottom of you. There are points in life, when your soul is called in to action. Fear of failure, like any other human emotion, feeling, doubt, must be reined in and controlled. To fall and to climb is integrity. To experience the pits of darkness but to see the light and to move in that direction is courage. To plan one's victory and choose the winning side is wisdom.
Beyond my harsh self criticism, I still cling on to the hope and faith that there is something I have to give. that I have the ingredients required to succeed...
In the excesses of this nightclub venue, a murakami jazz-esque quirky pocket in London - I am moved to to walk out of the door with a point to prove. To experience and extend. me.
To aspire to a level of greatness even I could never dream of. but that god plants in all our hearts. There is a seed in all of us that yearns to grow. A seed planted by our ever faithful Father, my god, Jesus Christ. My start. My end. My constant, free flowing love and solid rock.
I mean, its common sense, its not some epiphany that makes me think this way. Only the common logic that to acheieve, one must sacrifice. All this time, I've set my sights on grandiose thoughts and dreams, while neglecting the basics. Naievity holds a sharp kitchen knife and it feels like he's attacked and done damage. There is no short cut to success, to pure happiness. Knowing that makes me feel out of my depth at times. Knowing that I've not done much with my life so far, it nags me, it itches under my skin. Everything I deemed important is being called in to question. It's like getting a rude smack across your face. Your first reaction is bitter anger. Then somepoint when the pain subsides, it appears to you what you need to do. And then you have to pick yourself up, find it in yourself to rise up to the occasion. And it only comes from the pit of your gut, from the bottom of you. There are points in life, when your soul is called in to action. Fear of failure, like any other human emotion, feeling, doubt, must be reined in and controlled. To fall and to climb is integrity. To experience the pits of darkness but to see the light and to move in that direction is courage. To plan one's victory and choose the winning side is wisdom.
Beyond my harsh self criticism, I still cling on to the hope and faith that there is something I have to give. that I have the ingredients required to succeed...
In the excesses of this nightclub venue, a murakami jazz-esque quirky pocket in London - I am moved to to walk out of the door with a point to prove. To experience and extend. me.
To aspire to a level of greatness even I could never dream of. but that god plants in all our hearts. There is a seed in all of us that yearns to grow. A seed planted by our ever faithful Father, my god, Jesus Christ. My start. My end. My constant, free flowing love and solid rock.
