My OperaEmotional Vomit
Tuesday, September 13, 2005 6:05:58 PM
Well, I just got my last and only email I will ever get from my X. What a nice guy. Dumps me through Instant Messenger and then deletes me from his life, and then sends me off, two weeks later, with a final lame-ass goodbye that proves the worst of his character is who he REALLY is.
I never thought I'd feel a more intense experience of WASTING MY TIME than I did in my last four-year relationship that went nowhere. BUT, never say never ... in a final, heartless, completely estranged and insensitive email, my X has confirmed that I WASTED nearly a year on him.
And yes, it was a WASTE.
ON HIM.
And no, there is no other way to describe it.
It
was
A
WASTE.
Of course, I will wring the stupid relationship of anything just to make some sort of "lesson" from it, which, in this case will be: ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOURSELF!
I will honor the reality of my senses from now, on. I will always question them, as that is what refines them, but I will not ignore them any more.
If you look through my blog entries, his lies and fake romance and manipulative ways will be SO obvious now, but AS USUAL, I chose to trust and believe HIM and allow room for blame to be on MY insecurities, when IN FACT, I was totally correct in my senses all along.
I wasn't insecure. I was ACCURATE.
My EX is a total FRAUD! D'oh! Yes, and I knew it, and so did everyone around me; even some of his closer friends tried to explain along the way that there is deeper, darker side of him that would rise to the surface eventually. They explained that he keeps scores and uses kindness as a weapon, eventually exploding or discarding you if you are not catering directly to the megalomania ego held atop his shoulders. See, those are things I knew, myself, but when a couple of his friends told me the same thing, I felt defensive about it and offered different insights about his historic behavior.
My ability to discern and trust my own intuition flies out the door when it comes to Love. I can't believe I blamed ME for having such terrible thoughts about his true motivations and intentions. But now I know: everything about him is fake. And though I "knew" it, I am still completely stunned at the ugly face he turned on me OUT OF NOWHERE.
I don't even want to say his name right now. He repulses me.
Re-reading through my entries is going prove how much of a fool in love I tend to be, but what the fuck. Who cares. I'd rather be a fool in love than a selfish, apathetic, liar.
So here's to all the guys and girls who think it's perfectly acceptable to LIE to another person just to keep attention fed into a black hold of a megalomaniac ego, and here's to those who FAKE honest emotions and kindness as a use for manipulation instead of as a genuine expression to promote true intimacy, and here's to those who are so fucking cowardly they have to RUN FOR THEIR LIVES to avoid being responsible for the harm they eventually cause others because of their selfish, ugly, withered hearts...
Here's to you:
I never thought I'd feel a more intense experience of WASTING MY TIME than I did in my last four-year relationship that went nowhere. BUT, never say never ... in a final, heartless, completely estranged and insensitive email, my X has confirmed that I WASTED nearly a year on him.
And yes, it was a WASTE.
ON HIM.
And no, there is no other way to describe it.
It
was
A
WASTE.
Of course, I will wring the stupid relationship of anything just to make some sort of "lesson" from it, which, in this case will be: ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOURSELF!
I will honor the reality of my senses from now, on. I will always question them, as that is what refines them, but I will not ignore them any more.
If you look through my blog entries, his lies and fake romance and manipulative ways will be SO obvious now, but AS USUAL, I chose to trust and believe HIM and allow room for blame to be on MY insecurities, when IN FACT, I was totally correct in my senses all along.
I wasn't insecure. I was ACCURATE.
My EX is a total FRAUD! D'oh! Yes, and I knew it, and so did everyone around me; even some of his closer friends tried to explain along the way that there is deeper, darker side of him that would rise to the surface eventually. They explained that he keeps scores and uses kindness as a weapon, eventually exploding or discarding you if you are not catering directly to the megalomania ego held atop his shoulders. See, those are things I knew, myself, but when a couple of his friends told me the same thing, I felt defensive about it and offered different insights about his historic behavior.
My ability to discern and trust my own intuition flies out the door when it comes to Love. I can't believe I blamed ME for having such terrible thoughts about his true motivations and intentions. But now I know: everything about him is fake. And though I "knew" it, I am still completely stunned at the ugly face he turned on me OUT OF NOWHERE.
I don't even want to say his name right now. He repulses me.
Re-reading through my entries is going prove how much of a fool in love I tend to be, but what the fuck. Who cares. I'd rather be a fool in love than a selfish, apathetic, liar.
So here's to all the guys and girls who think it's perfectly acceptable to LIE to another person just to keep attention fed into a black hold of a megalomaniac ego, and here's to those who FAKE honest emotions and kindness as a use for manipulation instead of as a genuine expression to promote true intimacy, and here's to those who are so fucking cowardly they have to RUN FOR THEIR LIVES to avoid being responsible for the harm they eventually cause others because of their selfish, ugly, withered hearts...
Here's to you:
FUCK YOU
YOU DUMB ASS
ASSHOLES!
YOU DUMB ASS
ASSHOLES!
