SugarHiccup~Hiccup

I am dead tonight.

Barely breathing and totally broken.

I am imploding. The worst of my darkest fear has revisited my surface world. I always feel it clawing at me from the inside, ripping into my thin world of smiles and laughs, choking me even as I long for a hug.

The truest love I have ever felt for me is now gone.

I will never

NEVER

EVER

let anyone close to me again.

I will walk with my efforts to be happy and to understand the larger patterns of things and continue to love as best I can, but I am concluded. I am closed.

It seems my mother was right.

I am ultimately unloveable.

This is what I say tonight, inside, as I lie here bleeding from every ray of my soul, but I never think I will bounce back, and I always do.

I always do.

But just a little less higher. I don't know if I have any bounce left this time.

I guess I will find out.

In the end, he knows he will always be loved.

They always do.