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Wolf's Reign..

..I don't suffer from insanity.. I'm enjoying it...

Dear President Bush..

Guess this would be and old one but thought I'd whack it on here anyway..

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Dear President Bush,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have
learned a great deal from you and understand why you would propose and
support a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage. As you said
"in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man a woman." I try to share
that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend
the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus
18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some
advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and
how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female,
provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify?
Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus
21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
(I'm pretty sure she's a virgin).

3. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They
claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

4. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2.
clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him
myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

5. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I
don't agree. Can you settle this? Aren't there 'degrees' of abomination?

6. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my
vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

7. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around
their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How
should they die?

8. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

9. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different
crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two
different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse
and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of
getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we
just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people
who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable
expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again
for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging. It must be
really great to be on such close terms with God and his son, ... even better
than you and your own Dad, eh?

J. Kent Ashcroft (and others).




Mugabe..sexy?

Comments

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I love that. It was originally sent to a radio personality talking out against homosexuality in general. It's one of my favourite religion rebuttals. :yes:

By Furie, # 24. July 2008, 11:57:57

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Really old, but I love it :D.

By rose-marie, # 24. July 2008, 12:42:00

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:lol: .
Doesn't that same book instruct us to burn down any house that has mildew in it? That should fix the problems with sick building syndrome :D

By qlue, # 24. July 2008, 16:55:22

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Old, but still funny :D

By Spaggyj, # 24. July 2008, 17:51:03

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I've always wondered how dyed-in-the-wool fundamentalists rationalized the differences in the Bible. "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live" vs "Thou shalt not kill", for instance.

By clean, # 27. July 2008, 12:52:26

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Mistranslation. "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live" is actually a bad translation of "Thou shalt not suffer a poison to liver" - a warning against alcohol. As certain churches have alcohol as a part of their rituals its not often that it gets corrected. Now compare that with the thousands of people killed across the years by a church believing that witches are evil.

By Furie, # 27. July 2008, 13:36:02

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Oops ... :drunk:

By clean, # 27. July 2008, 14:34:15

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Then there's the new testament, with one Gospel saying they were fleeing from the slaughter of the innocents, and another saying they had to move around for the Roman census. And both complete bull.

By theoddbod, # 27. July 2008, 20:32:55

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And don't get me started on God saving the only good family in Sodom when immediately afterwards his own daughters get him drunk so they can fuck him. :yuck:

By Furie, # 28. July 2008, 00:34:02

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Didn't know that bit. My Sunday school 'teachers' avoided the old testament completely apart from the creation and the Exodus - too much of it is...barmy.

By theoddbod, # 28. July 2008, 06:46:39

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It's certainly kept a lot of alien hunters happy recently. :lol:

By Furie, # 28. July 2008, 18:50:28

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