Discovery is Seeing What Everyone Else Has Seen

Do you believe in the whole true love concept? Do you think there is someone out there, that you are destined to spend your life with, in pure bliss?

The whole concept is very alluring, but do you truly believe in it? Sometimes I wonder whether I will ever be with someone that truly understands me, that just 'gets' me, you know? Lee makes me happy yes, but there is something missing, not because I want more, but because I need more. I haven't met a woman that makes me feel truly comfortable, truly alive, and am starting to doubt whether she exists. Should I settle like all my friends? Should I just accept what I currently have? Knowing that I will never really be happy? What if i decide not to settle and never meet the elusive true love? Is it a pipe dream?
Does such a person even exist.

I have always wanted very specific attributes in a partner, nothing extravagant, but the one most important personality trait I look for, is a sense of humour. I have never been with someone that can make me laugh - is it really too much to ask for? Are my standards too high? And again - should I simply settle and be content with what I have - even though I am not truly happy? Beauty fades, I don't want to spend my old age with a wrinkly supermodel, I want to spend my old age with someone that can make me smile. Lee is great, and I love her, but I am not inlove with her. I know that deep inside, I don't want to spend my life with her.

Lee and I went along with my father on camp two days ago and, wow, IT WAS GREAT. I've been going to Soetwater every year-end since the day I was born, my grandfather made it a tradition since my father was a teenager. Upon arrival at camp, I smelled the familiar sea-air and saw the familiar scenery - it felt like coming home.

I went riot with my digital camera and camcorder, I made sure to document every minute of our stay. In the end I took a total of 300 photos! Lee and I slept in our own tent, which was great. The highlight of the trip had to be swimming with Lee - yep, her with her pot belly and all It took Lee a while to get used to the cold Atlantic water, but when she did, we were like fish in the sea! I held Lee aloft on my arms, with her lying on her back, looking at the horizon and the endless ocean - it was MAGICAL, words cannot properly explain the feeling of awe we felt. The simple act of holding Lee above the water, symbolized us on the verge of our new journey, with the world open to us.

I have noticed that, with every major step I take in life, I am prepared for it in different ways, which makes me wonder if it is simply Karma (flattering myself I know:angel:) or the work of a higher power. Whichever it is, I always feel protected somehow, like there is someone looking out for me. But I am drifting off the topic, camp rocked this year and I should start on those new year's resolutions, I wonder... what goals should I set this year that will never be attained:faint:?

OH! I MISSED YOU GUYS!!! My Christmas so far has been a rollercoaster ride! It feels so good to be back, albeit it is for a short while Please say someone is logged on right now? I will post an entry soon about the latest revelations, but for now.... I'll say that my daughter's name is Leah:happy:!

You know what they say about the grass on the other side...
It's greener, yes...
Because there's more crap underneath.

I told my parents last night. My father was lying in bed and my mom was brushing her hair. I stood by the doorway staring at them, with my wallet in my pocket (filled with all the cash I had on me incase I needed a quick exit, ahem), wondering how to say it.

I told them that I needed to talk to them about something, and my mom, concerned, asked 'Talk about what??', after a brief pause I said 'about Lee', and my mom immediately asked 'what about Lee??' - getting upset at this point. It felt like my words were blocked by an imaginary wall infront of my mouth, they just could'nt come out. and I just spat it out:
'Lee is pregnant'

My mom - as if expecting me to say that (surely it couldn't have been that obvious?) asked how far Lee is, and I told her 'five months'. My father was still lying with his back toward me, ignoring me, I knew he was awake and listening. My mom told me 'this is what you wanted', I didn't respond, I didnt want to ignite a volatile topic that's already dowsed with petroleum.

At this point my mom got under the blankets and asked me to close the door on my way out, and turned off the light, while I stood there, unable to understand my parents' reaction - one of cool and calmness. Lee will tell her mother today, and I doubt her mother's reaction will be as passive as my parents'.

I was very surprised by my parents' mature reaction and how they contained themselves, who knows what was going through their heads as I told them? I will clearly be given a stern lecture once my parents' mull things over and consider all options on how to react, but for now, I am relieved that I don't have to hide it from them anymore. If I didn't know any better, I'd say my mom had a small smirk on her face... or is it wishful thinking, I'll know soon enough.