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I Got Flowers Today

Sunday, 17. February 2008, 05:34:57

Thank you Marcus for sending me this very important email. Thank you for letting me post it. I hope this will help men and women find the courgage to leave their abusive partner before it's to late. Please help end domistic abuse. If you are abused I will give you links in this post so you can hopefully find a way to leave safely. If you are an abuser please get help, I will give links. I have seen questions from abusers asking for help. If you can't find help from the links I provided please try calling someone in your town for help, be it a pastor, the courts, the library, mental health place, don't give up tring to find a place that could help you stop. PLEASE.


I Got Flowers Today
We had our first argument last night, and he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said, because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today.
It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day.

Last night he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare, I couldn't believe it was real.
I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry cause he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today, and it wasn't mother's day or any other special day.

Last night, he beat me up again, it was much worse than all the other times. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money?
I'm afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It was the day of my funeral!
Last night, he finally killed me. He beat me to death. If only I had gathered enough courage to leave him, I would not have gotten flowers today.......


If you are against domestic abuse, please pass this along to everyone,
NOT just women.

___________________End of email, below is what happened to me_______________________

"Time Heals All Wounds" so the saying goes. For time alone does not heal your wounds but taking the time to heal your wounds will. Time does not erase the memories, for they are still deep inside me. From time to time they surface even after all these years. I know it has taken me alot of time to work on healing my wounds.
Even though I understood what domestic violence is I can say I knew nothing about it til I lived it.

Never to Forget the Fear
Never to forget the fear of losing myself
Never to forget the fear of saying something wrong
Never to forget the fear of losing my family
Never to forget the fear of losing my friends
Never to forget the fear of being hit
Never to forget the fear you gave our child
Never to forget the fear of staying with you
Never to forget the fear of leaving you,
for you put the fear of me being killed
by you in me
Never to forget the fear of you
By: ©CR
02/17/2008


Thinking back to the time I was abused is hard for me because I have worked so hard at healing.
I fell in love with this man and I thought he loved me too. I broke off our relationship before we got married because he would yell, throw things and say I was sleeping with this person or that person. He said he was sorry, that he loves me and never meant to hurt me. He said he would never hurt me again. He asked me to go with him to the hospital so he could get help. On our way there
he tried killing us in the car. He drove like a madman. Speeding and stopping, yelling he was going to kill me because there was nothing wrong with him. I seen his eyes change to foggy, cloudy & distant look. His vain on his forhead would grow and pulsate. A very scary site he was indeed.
We made to the hospital and he slammmed on the breaks and was ready to put it in reverse when
I reached over and took the key out of the ignition. That was the first time I ever feared for my life. He got help, so I thought and we married. I remeber the first time he hit me like it was yesterday. I was talking on the phone to his sister-in-law when all of a sudden he made a fist and hit me in the stomach. I doubled over in pain and hung up the phone. I asked him why he did that,
he said because I said "blah, blah, blah". I told him I didn't but even if I did it was no reason to hit me. Many of times when he came home after visiting his family he would start to yell, hit and
throw me up against the wall. Many of times I thought he would kill me. I never spoke to anyone about being abused. One day our neighbor asked me if I was ok. I told him I was ok. Than he said that he
hears my husband beating me and throwing me up against the wall alot but he never hears me. The feeling of shame overwhelmed me, no one ever asked me if I was ok before. When I got pregnant he use to beat me and say the baby wasn't his. Many of times he tried killing our baby, me and him in a car. When I told him I was taking the baby & leaving him he tried to blow up the house. He said to me that he would kill me if I ever leave him. We were together 7 long years. It's been hard to heal from living each day in fear. Many of times I had to hide with our daughter so I wouldn't get beat infront of her. For all the fear, all the put downs, and all the beatings is nothing compard to the pain I feel for the fear that my daughter went through. To this day that is what hurts me the most, that I didn't give her a safe and loving home like I wanted to. Once I asked him why he did this and he told me he did this because he liked to see the fear in me. How could this be love, I wondered? He doesn't know what love is, he couldn't love me when he feels this way. To learn this opened my eyes, that my love for him couldn't stop him from being violent to me. For if he loved me he wouldn't want me to be fearful of him, nor would he put me down and beat me if he loved me like he says he does.
Although I try, I am not good at expressing myself. I only told a very little of went I went through so that those who are in an abusive relationship will know I understand what they are going through. Feeling that your abuser loves you, that they mean it when they say they are sorry and won't do it again. One day you will realize that isn't love and your love will not stop the violence. It's true that it get's worse, also true that leaving is dangerous. I tried to find a website for Tracey Thurman. For it was her that got the police to believe that it is a crime for someone to beat you and almost kill you. For she left her abusive husband, got a restraining order against her husband but he went to where she was at and beat her, the police came and watched, said there was nothing they could do because it was against his wife. Now if that was a stranger doing that to someone they would have been arrested. There was a movie about what happened to her called "A Cry For Help".
Here are the links I told you about. I hope the links help you get the information you need to get out safe from an abusive relationship.

http://dahmw.org/

http://www.ndvh.org/

http://www.silcom.com/~paladin/madv/

http://www.womaninc.org/res_abuser.html

http://www.thesafespace.org/stay-safe-help-someone-else-stop-being-abusive.html

http://www.wadt.org/index.php?gclid=CNT5gOeAi5ECFSN7IgodYhfeAA

If you are an abuser, here are some links to help you stop.

http://www.wordsbykim.com/contents/How-To-Stop-Being-Abusive.html

http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=8485&cn=2

The 12 Days Of Christmas Insight into Integrity: Turn up your sound

Comments

Spaggyj 18. February 2008, 09:14

:frown:

Furie 18. February 2008, 10:00

Finally, one of these things actually links to places that can help. :yes: Normally they think a poem can stop it all.

A long time ago when I was doing door to door sales I found a shelter for battered women. They were so scared about a man showing up on their door that they spoke through the letterbox and didn't open the door. Typically I had two trainees with me who weren't small guys either. When we got back to the office we managed to get them listed to not be knocked again by any company.

attilasoul 18. February 2008, 10:22

Nice post. And Mik, this is why men are not allowed in the Danner House I wrote about.

rose-marie 18. February 2008, 12:23

What a sad and great post, Carol :heart:.

Dacotah 18. February 2008, 12:33

Kimmie x :heart: x

Dacotah 18. February 2008, 12:35

Thanks Mik. I hope the links I gave will help people. The email I got from Marcus was the top poem. When I read it I thought about putting it on here with me telling a little bit about what happened to me with a little poem I wrote.

Dacotah 18. February 2008, 12:36

Thanks Tilla. *hugs*

Dacotah 18. February 2008, 12:37

Thank you Rose-Marie. :heart:

Stomyr 18. February 2008, 14:37

*HUGS* :heart:

Dacotah 18. February 2008, 14:42

*HUGS* :heart:

Furie 18. February 2008, 16:21

Oh it didn't come like that then? You should definitely send it back out in the form it appears here. Those links can help more people than the poem alone will. And the lifestory piece you added will help people know there's life after abuse.

Dacotah 18. February 2008, 16:43

No it didn't come with links. Just the top poem. Thanks Mik. I will think about emailing it to others. I really do hope this post will help someone with the links I gave. I know there are men who are abused too. I also know I saw alot of questions from abusers asking how they can stop being abusing when I was searching for links. That's why I posted the help links for abusers too.

angel292005 18. February 2008, 17:28

Oh sad....

And what is even sadder...if women hits a man back to defend herself, she can go to jail as well. Not speaking from experience or anything...:whistle:

Dacotah 18. February 2008, 17:29

Hi Sarah.

FXM256 18. February 2008, 21:43

Wow, this is a sad and much-needed post you put together, Carol! :up: Thank God that you were able to escape and find help.

I read an article in the paper about a lady that was being abused by her husband and the police in the small town she lived in didn't help her, even though she had a restraining order and proof that her husband had been repeatedly violating said restraining order. One night she saw him digging in her front yard and she lived across the street from the police station! He escaped and left her a message that he was digging graves for her and her daughter! He eventually broke in and killed her daughter and almost killed her too. He then fled to another state and killed himself. She still has a scar on her neck from where he tried to cut her throat and now she is sueing the police in her town for failing to protect her despite all the times she called them.

Dacotah 18. February 2008, 22:04

Thank you Marcus. Thank you for sending me the email.
I diddn't escape so to speak, my husband was goign to be brought up on child abuse charges if he didn't leave. You see, he started to hit our daughter. I can tell you this, I saw him hurt her twice and each time I stopped him as fast as I could. If you wouldn't of left and I saw him hurt her again I would of probably killed him or dye tring.

Marcus, that's such a sad article you read. The movie "A Cry For Help" was based on Tracey Thurman experience. Have you seen that movie Marcus? It was so sad but also inspiring. :frown:

momable 19. February 2008, 00:56

Some men get beat up by women, too. I knew a young man whose wife hit him, I felt so bad for him. When I asked him if he was okay, he almost fainted, and then they moved the next week!

Dacotah 19. February 2008, 02:34

Yes Elly I know that there are some men that get beat up too :frown:. That's why I said "I hope this will help men and women find the courgage to leave their abusive partner before it's to late.".

I hope that young man is alright and got out before it was to late.

greathoneybear 19. February 2008, 06:10

It is very hard to escape when you have nowhere to go and no money. When you are dependent on that person and that person knows it. I think a lot of women feel like that or they return for that reason.

It is sad. :frown:

Very good post, Carol.

Dacotah 19. February 2008, 08:15

That's true iTwin. :frown:

Thank you.

H82typ 19. February 2008, 09:47

~hugs~ :heart:

Dacotah 19. February 2008, 13:34

Thank you Dennis *hugs* :heart:

momable 19. February 2008, 20:36

I don't know. He was Japanese and his wife was a wacko who couldn't get over the fact that she was adopted and that meant her biological parents got rid of her! She slapped him right in front of my husband and I! We were so shocked.

Dacotah 19. February 2008, 20:55

I know you don't know. I am just hoping he's ok. :smile:

momable 20. February 2008, 02:10

She was so mad and jealous of me because his parents came from Japan and she was with them on the street. She must have been very spoiled by her adoptive parents because she always had an attitude and she really didn't treat any people with respect or niceties. So, anyway, she sees me and says in a very bored attitude and manner and voice, "These are my in-laws." I said, "Ohio" and bowed to them. (That means hello in Japanese, I knew this from watching TV.) The Japanese couple's faces just lighted up and smiled so nicely. I said I didn't know any other Japanese other than a few words from the mini-series Shogun, like Domo Arregoto (thank you). She was LIVID! So I said, "Nice to meet you" and left. She never talked to me again after that.
She also stole diapers from my service and got caught!

momable 20. February 2008, 02:11

I hope he is okay, too. He told me once his wife was very young and spoiled and hopefully she will mature and treat people better. They had a little girl.

Dacotah 20. February 2008, 03:10

I see.

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