Recently I have been over whelmed with everything. Family life, problems, school and my social life is takeing a toll on me. I'm always stressed and can;t seem to do anything right or to the extent that I use to. I use to be like this two years ago, around this time, and I thought I was doing good. Today was the first time in awhile that I have had a panic attack. I hate bawling and breaking down in school. I really just wanna walk away from this all. Just pack up a bag and walk away till I get myself back on track. I honestly don't care about missing school. And if it was summer and warmmer I'd just walk cross country. But that aint the case. It's already snowed and gotten cold here. I don't know if its the right thing to do, but at the moment my mind is wondering there.
It's easyer to put this all in catagories. -My Honi "grandmother" died july 27. It is still tearing us all apart. -My ex. Dated Jake in september everything was going good. April 14 came along and he desided 6month aniversary to cheat on me with a girl I considered a really good friend and my aunt. And then goes and tells everyone I am a whore. Then stupid me gave him another chance, ended that fast. And had to deal for 2 months of him texting me sick shit and staliking me. -My bestfriend and I rekindled out friendship in March when she had her baby boy Sammie. -Got diegnosed with Endrometriosis, fucked up a lot of my future plans. -My cousin and i got in a huge fight because of things she did againts a dead persons word. -Got used and humilated by my bestfriends brother. Apparently he can make decissions that involve me but not tell it to my face and have his chick tell me it in her twisted way. -Ending of school was depressing Darren died. -Easter break was something, long time bestfriend and ex Dennis O.D. -My lifes on a hault. I hardly hang and go have fun. I stay in with people. Do stuff I never should and I really couldn't care.
A lot has happened and I havent had time of this site.
So pritty much I'm getting annoyed with people. If I'm nice, I'm a push over or suck up. I'm mean or go for what I want I'm a bitch. I try to change anything about myself, I am fake. I kiss or have sex with someone I am a whore. I am pissed off. I don't fucken do drug or drink, yet I am the bad one. And it people that are close to me saying that. I have a high self esteem, but yet they seem to make me hate myself.
School lets out and I have all the goals I want to do this break. That night my stupidity puts my whole family introuble once again. Thankfuly it wasn't as bad as it could have been. I wanted to go see my old friend before she becomes a mommy. That didn't happen. I went shopping maybe two or three times. My clothing taste has changed. Before it was band tees and shirts. Now it is more girly. I love babydolls, blouses, sweaters, lots of layering, and so on. It's a big change. Christmas was good. My cousin is trying to kill me. He got me chocolate. It makes me sick. So I'm screwed on Valentines day. I got to spend time with Tonya and Courtney. Also got to spend three hours with Jake<3. That was a great day. Went and saw Marly and Me. It was good. The theater was packed, I ended up getting a seriouse migrain. I could bairly stand. It was a sight. Went to Subway[their foods accualy good]. I slept most of the day away. New years was okay. I've become a huge fan of Sir Elton John. He is amazeing. Hung with Cas, Ty, and his friend and walmart so she could see him. Came home later that day, and here I am. Finished almost all my homework, haha. Getting ready to go to Des's, but if she doesn't move it I'm going to Jake's.
There are many people out there in the world. Everyones different. Or they claim to be, but the main type of person that I just want to break and let out every word I feel about them not thinking my words over are people that act or do what suits them. The people that don't put others before them. And today the person that plays the victom and at the same time believeing they are better than you. So I know this girl and her family is torm apart because her dads over in Iraq. To top it off she watchs the only guy she ever loved get high and waste away his life every day to the point they call 911 and rush him to the ER at school, at the same time he loves another. Well this boy [It degrades his 'manlyhood calling him that] tells her that she's lucky that she doesn't have his life, his is way worse. This boy is related to a few of my relatives, and I know his life. I may not see it through his eyes, but I know the sentances to it. His parents aren't the best, but on the other hand their better than others. His mom is a piece of work, yet she's the saint in his eyes. She's a lieing- I come first-I'll make everyones like that I hate worse. His dad has done wrong [Just like everyone], but he is an alright man. In his eyes his dads a piece of shit, even through all the good he has done in his life. Their devorced. He has a life 1/4th of americans share with him. He sais his life is so bad. He doesn't live in the streets, he doesn't live in a house where his parents sell him, he is not beated or sexualy abused. He always plays the victom when it suits him. And then he acts better than everyone else. Like his is a freaken king. He has the nerve to say I am a dumbass. He is so fucken stupid I don't know how he hasn't failed. He can't read, and I don't mean the reading someone with a reading disorder can't read. I'm talking about the simple ones kindergardeners can read. And then he trys to cheat off my work. At this moment I am shakeing with anger.
Okay so right now I’m kinda mad. This morning I didn’t want to get up so I waited till the last minute to get up. I wanted to stay after school to meet friends earlier, but nope. So I’m getting a ride on later for the game. To top all that off I forgot my poster on seatbelt safety. Then here I am in Mrs. Morris’s class and I am to be typing my paper that’s due today, well I can’t find it once again. School’s becoming hecktic. So hopefully into the day it’ll get better [but I know it won’t]. Maybe hanging with Jake tonight and the game will make it all better.
Personaly she annoys me. I don't like her. She advoids questions and talks about what she wants to. She bad talks others for her own advantage. She smiles, winks and acts nice. Its pathetic. Her voice is like Bush's and Mcain's. They make me wanna not hear. She tries to connect with the 'people'. Well she doesn't. She isn't an every day person. Never will be. They use the scare tatics over and over. It's gay. She's just like Bush and tring to cover up her mistakes. I'm not even going to go into detail cause I know I'll have a page or two writen.
WIDGETIZE