Boss Radio

Well maybe.

It seems that when that overenthusiastic presenter babbles on about all the contestants in X-Factor competing for a million pound recording contract, that's not strictly true. They get a contract all right, but the advance is only £150,000, they have to earn the rest from record sales. Not dificult with the power of Simon Cowell behind you you might think, but out of your record sales you also have to pay your expenses.

"What expenses?" I hear you ask. "Surely everything is paid for if you win the competition?"

Well, yes, it is, but then you have to pay it back out of your earnings.

Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking not a chance, you'd be out of that one like a rat up a drainpipe.

No you won't, sunshine, because the last 12 contestants all have to sign a contract or leave the competition. This contract not only covers the whole of the world, but it actually expressly covers the rest of the galaxy. What Sony intend to do about it if it turns out that the Snorfaffians of Uranus have different laws to ours I don't know, maybe they just won't let them listen to your records. That'd be a turn up for the book. The military would be allowed to use your music as a weapon of torture, but the peace-loving denizens of Uranus wouldn't be allowed to listen unless they agreed to the rules as laid down by Simon Cowell.

There's more to this contract, should you be so stupid as to sign it. Even if Cowell doesn't take up his option, and let's face it, he's unlikely to want to sign up all of the last 12 contestants, the suckerartist is still tied to the contract for 3 months after the end of the series. Just about long enough for the public to have forgotten them in fact.

Oh, and one more thing, if you should still be thinking this is a really good deal and you'd be willing to sign your life away to get on the show, it also expressly forbids you to say anything derogatory about Sony or Simon Cowell.

Now that's the bit that I can't handle.