Boss Radio

... but the weather was on the bright side that day sooo... You know how the really cold weather makes you want to visit the... erm... powder room?

Well it does me, anyway.

So we went to see the sea and thanks to me taking a wrong turning somewhere we wound up in a dead end in a really pretty harbour. It wasn't on the sea, it seemed to be in an inlet or something. Anyhow, I leapt out of the car to take pictures and as I was framing up the first one it hit me. Ohno-ohno-ohno-ohno... I gotta find a public convenience. Is this what being incontinent feels like? Stopitstopitstopit... Nothing in this little hamlet, dived back into the car and set off for civilisation. Passed through half a dozen villages all of which had Indian restaurants but no public relief areas. No woods to go and do it in. Where's civilisation gone????

We came to a place called Something-on-Sea and I was contemplating maybe trying to find a place where I could do it into the sea, but Something-on-Sea wasn't actually on the sea, it used to be, but the sea had moved away apparently. I was getting convinced I was going to be driving home on a wet car seat, I'd got to the point where I was wondering how I was going to explain it to mum, then finally we hit a town.

The local Woolworth's store was having a closing down sale and the shopper's car park was full, but I found a disabled slot and mum has a disabled badge which I felt fully justified in using at this juncture. The intention was to find an eatery because they always have toilet facilities, but there, right in front of me, was a public toilet! I jumped out of the car and just as I was about to speed off mum said "I think I could do to go too."

That was the longest walk of my life. Walking at snail's pace towards that welcoming little shack. Fortunately both sexes used the same entrance so I didn't have to waste time there and finally I got in, and with great relief I... how do I put this politely? I pointed Percy at the porcelain.

Just for a split second I couldn't go.

Why would that happen? All that trouble to get there, all that painfull holding it back at all costs, and when I finaly find the facilities I have to make myself go!!!

Crisis averted I waited for mum to come out and then we went off in search of an eatery. Night had arrived and it was getting really cold and I'd leapt out of the car without putting my warm jacket on, all I had was a fleece with drawstrings around the bottom to stop the cold getting in there. So for the first time in my life I decided to use them.

Mum asked why I was playing with myself.

I'd zipped the drawstrings into my fly...