Boss Radio

O.K. I'm officially fed up to the back teeth and beyond, in fact I'm so fed up that I'm fed up to the back of someone else's teeth and beyond, with the royal wedding. The media's full of it (In both senses of the phrase). You can't pick up a publication, listen to the radio, or turn on your TV without being told how the whole world will be united in joy on Friday when 'the' happy couple tie the knot, and how this particular segment of the world's media will help to make our total enjoyment of this wondrous event even greater.

Listen, you jerks, I don't give a flying duck about the royal wedding. Everybody doesn't love a wedding, and in particular everybody doesn't love this one. I'm bored to tears (water bored), I'm bored stiff (Hard bored), I'm even more bored than I was in maths class (Bored of education), I'm so bored that I may well turn into a vegetable and get flogged off by Tosco (Potato Marketing Bored), I'm bored to death! (Mortar board). I just want to get out and into my Land Rover and drive somewhere to get away from it, but I can't because the whole country is going to be blocked off by the snutting street parties. I haven't been under so much pressure to feel emotionally involved with a bunch of rich people with whom I have absolutely nothing in common since Lady Di departed this mortal coil and took her place in God's chair (Allegedly).

If I can't find a radio or TV station that isn't broadcasting something even remotely wedding related on the big day I may just have to kill someone.

Probably me.