Boss Radio

I was going to call this 'Sport. It's not just cricket', which I thought was dead clever, but it was also meaningless. Even more meaningless than the title I have used. At one point I even considered leaving my mispell 'Sprot' up there because I think that's funny. Does anyone else have problems coming up with titles for their little works of art?

I did think of putting the date in there, but since that info is saved with every post it seemed a bit redundant. Now where was I?...

Oh yes. Everyone's feeling really proud that the English cricket team's won something after its previous disasterous debacles. Now me, as anyone who's studied my 'About me' page will know (Does anyone do that?), I'm not to bothered with sport. It seems pointless. Someone wins therefore someone else loses, so half the supporters feel good and the other half feel bad, and occasionally you get a draw and all the supporters feel bad, but not as bad as they would have if they'd lost.

What is the point? Why would anyone want to take the (Roughly) 50/50 chance that they're going to go home miserable? They could stay at home an toss a coin. Back when I was at school apparently I was a little whizzer at the 100 yards, I could pretty much hold my own at 220 yards, but as the distances got longer, the further back I lagged. No staying power, me. So people said I should specialise in the shorter distances and I couldn't understand why. If I was so danged good at the shorter distances that means I'd beat them, why would anyone urge me to beat them?

Really the way I looked at it was that everyone is different. I was crap at history, and football, and English Lit. So what? I was hot at music, short distance running, and English... well, one English language teacher said I was incredibly inventive, and the other said my grammar was the worst he'd ever seen. They were both right, they just thought different things were important. So why does it matter if someone's better at something than you are? It's going to happen. If everyone was Robbie Williams who'd build the cars?

So I've never supported any sporting endevours. If someone asks me who my favourite team is and I can't get out of it I answer "Stockport County" and that shuts them up. Well, except for the little kid who stepped back, eyes wide open, and shouted "Are you MAD???"

The thing is, I've had this theory about why the English cricket team did so bad in the Ashes, but being so out of it where sport is concerned I decided that I was in no position to express it. Beside, I might get laughed at.

When the number one team plays the number two team at anything, you expect it to be a close call in favour of the number one team. what you don't expect is the first total whitewash in a gazzilion years. And then it came to pass that England's plan of attack was published in the Oz press. If it's in the press, I figured, then what are the odds that it was in the Australian team's hands first? That might even explain why we occasionally got off to a cracking start, then after the next break we promptly lost it again. You've got to give the mole his chance to pinch the latest secret plan.

I was happy with this theory, especially when, as soon as the Aussies had got the ashes back the English team got their mojo back, but now I suddenly find myself with another theory...

Apparently the Australian team had a magician called Shanewarne who weaved majik for them during the Ashes, but he has now departed to Middle Earth or somewhere, leaving them to their own devices. They tried to fool us by fielding a guy called Shane Watson, but the magic had gone. England weren't defeated by Australia in the battle for the Ashes, they were defeated by the sorcerous Shanewarne.

You know it makes sense.