Deke

Posts tagged with "Doh"

The trip of a lifetime (Unless you live in L.A.)

Friday, 17. July 2009, 23:38:35

It was a compo on daytime TV. Pick the right answer to this question from these three answers, 'phone it in, if you're really lucky you win the trip of a lifetime to L.A. and get to meet... David Beckham...

[The world falls silent. Someone coughs. The wind blows almost silently across the rooftops. A tumbleweed rolls across the street. Somewhere in the distance a bell rings...]

I gotta say, if I was to win a trip to L.A. I wouldn't want to waste a part of it visiting David Beckham.

5 comments

A foot in cold water

Thursday, 28. August 2008, 19:18:14

water, cold, Doh, foot

They're a band. I first heard them many years ago when I was touring Scotland in the Land Rover with my mother, they were being fairly heavily played on Radio Caroline, the last of the offshore stations, in particular they were featuring the track 'Make me do anything you want'. By the end of the holiday I knew the song well enough to play it and the song and mountains of Scotland have become an abiding memory, I can't separate them.

Naturally I bought the album.

It contained one other track that I really liked, 'He's always there, watching you', and others which were OK I guess, and that was that until the arrival of the internet, and to be more exact, Ebay.

In those early halcyon days of Ebay I was looking up everything I could think of, not to buy - I wasn't even a member yet - but just to see what wonders were on there, and thus it was that I discovered that A Foot in Cold Water had recorded 3 other albums. Later, after I'd enrolled, I left an ongoing search for them just to check prices, and on occasion even considered buying one, 'though I never actually did.

Last week one of their albums came up from a European address, and it was pretty cheap, a definite temptation, so I put it on my watch list and with just hours to go I've just checked on it to see how it was progressing...

10 people have bid on it so far. It's up to thirty odd euros which is somewhere around thirty quid which is somewhere around sixty dollars. I began to think something nasty might have happened to one of the band.

Apparently not...

It was listed as "Nude cover"...

3 comments

This is not a portrait of Homer, but of someone of the same name...

Tuesday, 17. July 2007, 21:25:27

simpsons, Doh, giant, cerne abbas ...

I was awoken bright and early by the merry twang of the doorbell as the postman tested out his knuckles on it. The sun was shining, birdies were tweeting, and I was full of the joys of spring. Yes, I know it's a bit late for that, but we've not actually had spring yet so I figured that it was now or never. I put the radio on and they were talking to the guy that gave the field with the Cerne Abbas giant on it to the National Trust.

That probably makes no sense to all of you ignorant foreigners. In all truth it probably makes very little sense to the natives either. The Cerne Abbas giant, or the 'Rude Man', is the largest hillfigure in Britain. The giant, carved in solid lines from the chalk bedrock, hauls in at 180 feet high, and carries a mighty weapon which measures 40 yards in length. I'll resist the obvious joke because unlike him, I'm not PandaShavingTorture.

Last year, on our way back from a day at the seaside we passed the giant and I tried to get a picture, but it was getting dark, so we decided to come back another day and do the job properly. If a job's worth doing it's worth doing in the daylight I always say.

Obviously this radio broadcast was an omen. Today was the day that we were destined to go back and photograph the giant. I went and told mum and the road trip of 17/7/07 was on.

About 4 hours and 15 torrential rainstorms later we were there.

The viewing area was strangely crowded, including obviously fit and healthy families whose children should have been at school parked in the 'Invalid' parking bays, but fortunately there was a space right at the end of the area and we pulled in.

While I was rummaging around for my cameras mum said "You know who it looks like?". It was a strange question, but not quite as strange as the answer...

The giant had turned into Homer Simpson.

Somthing wasn't quite right. Even I knew that. People were writing about the giant back in the 17th century, and Springfield didn't even exist back then.

The answer soon became clear.

The giant was in the next field, waiting to bat whatever that thing that Homer's about to throw at him is back. It's small wonder we didn't notice him. The giant is hewn out of the earth, whereas Homer was painted onto the grass. Apparently water soluble paint was used, so within a few days he'll be gone, but hopefully not before he visits the queen.

The giant, of course, will remain there guarding the hill for all time...

with his chopper in his hand and a song in his heart, and probably praying for rain, speaking of which...

As you doubtless noticed there were storm clouds banking along the horizon, there were, in fact, dozens of the little... well actually, rather large sacks of pleut, scudding thisaway and that. However, almost as soon as I'd put the cameras away and broken out the sarnies (Sandwiches to the rest of you) quess what happened?

That's right. And as soon as it happened a helicopter flew past. 10 minutes later it was back again. I think someone somewhere was running 'copter flights to see the giant Homer. Local news no doubt.

I think I'll stop here.

I'm just dying to make a 'chopper' joke...

2 comments

I'm a sandals person.

Tuesday, 20. March 2007, 02:42:38

wetness, sandals, shopping, Doh ...

I'm so into sandals that even when I was playing posh New Year's Eve gigs with well-paying function bands that insisted that I wear a monkey suit I'd wear black sandals, cunningly disguised by wearing black socks underneath them.

The trouble is, the English winter just plain doesn't mix too well with sandals, so I've been wearing foot constrainers like everyone else for the last few months, but this week the weather's been quite nice and I've ventured back into the sandals, albeit I'm still wearing socks with them, it's not that warm...

Today dawned bright and sunny, so once again on went the sandals.

While I was making the mid-day feast it occured to me that we needed to do a little shopping. We were running short on a lot of things, and we were almost out of milk. So after dinner we saddled up (OK, we got into the car...) and set off to the Co-op.

Whilst we were in there it started to snow. I stepped out into it and within moments my poor old extremeties were turning blue as the snow seeped into my socks. As usual we'd bought way too much and the shopping trolley was now stacked up rather like the models that that weird guy in Close Encounters of the 3rd Kind kept building. It was so heavy that I was skidding about all over the place, and by the time I got the trolley to the car I was almost dancing with terminal freezing dampness of the feet, and to add further indignity to my predicament, it was making me want to... erm- point Percy at the porcelain, so to speak.

I had considered calling in at the health food store on the way home, but under the circumstances we decided that straight home was a better bet. Upon arrival I had a stroke of luck in that I was able to squeeze the car into a tiny gap that someone had unwittingly left open outside the house, and I lugged the stuff in, stored as much of it in the freezer as I could manage before the cold pushed me to the point where it was a trip upstairs to the room of much relief or damp underwear.

When I got back down mum had put the gas fire on and finally I could rip my soaking socks off and toast my tootsies by the fire.

Bliss.

After a few minutes I slid my feet into a pair of nice warm slippers and went into the kitchen to make a nice hot cup of tea.

I'd forgotten the milk.

4 comments