Boss Radio

It's still snowing, and each day I've been scouring the news for the complaint.

You know the one. The one that goes "They get snow every year in Scandinavia/Alaska/Russia/Canada and it doesn't bring them to a standstill. Typical Britain!"

Today was the first sighting, as some guy who'd driven his car off the road got his 16 seconds on the news.

One day... one wonderful day I shall be within shouting distance of one of these people, and I shall explain it to them. "These people," I shall say, "Know that they're going to get snow. They know pretty much where it's going to fall, and they know pretty much when it's going to fall. They are ready for it. They pay for it, in advance."

At this point I shall pause, meaningfully, before continuing "Furthermore they prepare themselves for it. They fit snow chains, if they will have reason to travel outside their local environs they fit snow tyres. Yup. They will replace all 5 wheels with tyres that are intended for the job.

We could, of course, be ready for snowfall, just as our snowbound cousins are, but we would have to pay for it. We too would have to purchase snow chains and snow tyres already on rims, ready for instant swapping. We would, via our council taxes, have to pay for the men and machines to sit around for 6 months of the year doing nothing just in case it should snow. We would have to pay for the gravel and its storage throughout the nation even though, in the average year, most of it would not be required, and we would have to pay the suppliers of road salt a holding fee to make sure that they were always able to issue us with however much salt we require at 24 hours notice."

I shall then issue the final, stinging, rebuke. "In your case," I shall say sternly, "You have merely driven off the road. These people with their microphones and cameras have travelled the same byways and have not driven off the road. I too have acheived this feat. By simply fitting snow chains and driving sensibly you too could have avoided this fate. Indeed, by not even venturing out in these conditions you could have saved yourself and your family a whole load of grief.

In future ask yourself if your trip is really necessary. If it is, and I notice that the world has not stopped spinning as a result of your current plight, then prepare yourself for the journey ahead. Do you need snow tyres? If not, go equipped with snow chains, a shovel, a full fuel tank, warm clothing, satnav, a mobile 'phone, and a flask of hot non-alcoholic beverage.

Then drive sensibly."

Actually I'll probably say no such thing. I'll probably raise my eyes to the sky and wend my way back to my car, where I shall settle down with a cup of hot coffee and whatever's on local radio before 'phoning home to say I might be a bit late...

And as the nation grinds to a standstill the populace queues up to stand in front of a TV camera and ask why bad weather always catches us out when other countries just deal with it.

You think they could have worked it out for themselves but hey, I'm willing to have a go.

Firstly, other countries don't just deal with it. If they know what's coming because it comes every year at around the same time they deal with it, otherwise they're as unprepared as us; and secondly, we're not prepared to pay for it. Perhaps no one else has spotted this, but we don't seem to like paying taxes, we actually pay less than the USA yet still all three of the major parties are talking about tax cuts. Obviously they sense tax cuts would be popular...

Me, I'd rather pay for necessities via tax because it's far more cost effective, but I've done this rant all ready so I won't duplicate it.

This time....

Meanwhile I find my self wondering. What exactly do these people mean by 'Do something'? What precisely can you do about snow? The first thing you can do is salt the roads, but when? Put it down too soon and it'll be swept away before the snow falls, so the best time is just as the snow starts falling. That means having the people and equipment on standby from the very first moment that it's even remotely possible that the snow may start to fall. Someone needs to buy that equipment, even if it may never be used, and those ungrateful bounders the workforce are going to want paying even if they are sitting around idle, as the working classes are wont to do. Anyone want to volunteer to pay for that?

So then there's the grit. There's no point putting that down until the snow has fallen so it's a whole lot more cost effective, but it becomes useless if more snow then falls on top of it, that requires another coating of grit. More investment, more overtime, more tax...

Anyone like to estimate the cost of clearing a county of snow via snowploughs?

When I were a lad back in Hazel Grove we used to get regular snowstorms far more ferocious then today's offerings (Good old climate change) so motorists had snow chains in their boots, most would also carry a large packet of salt and a spade, the really prepared would also have a length of carpet or matting, all of it very handy self-help; no one bothers with that stuff these days, and yet they expect some mysterious 'them' to be ready to at least clear all the roads which they themselves want to access of snow, instantly.

Personally I support the principle of a holiday whenever it snows. It doesn't do it that often.
Firstly, other countries don't just deal with it. If they know what's coming because it comes every year at around the same time they deal with it, otherwise they're as unprepared as us; and secondly, we're not prepared to pay for it. Perhaps no one else has spotted this, but we don't seem to like paying taxes, we actually pay less than the USA yet still all three of the major parties are talking about tax cuts. Obviously they sense tax cuts would be popular...

Me, I'd rather pay for necessities via tax because it's far more cost effective, but I've done this rant all ready so I won't duplicate it.

This time....

Meanwhile I find my self wondering. What exactly do these people mean by 'Do something'? What precisely can you do about snow? The first thing you can do is salt the roads, but when? Put it down too soon and it'll be swept away before the snow falls, so the best time is just as the snow starts falling. That means having the people and equipment on standby from the very first moment that it's even remotely possible that the snow may start to fall. Someone needs to buy that equipment, even if it may never be used, and the workforce are going to want paying even if they are sitting around idle. Anyone want to volunteer to pay for that?

So then there's the grit. There's no point putting that down until the snow has fallen so it's a whole lot more cost effectve, but it becomes useless if more snow then falls on top of it, that requires another coating of grit. More investment, more overtime, more tax...

Anyoe like to estimate the cost of clearing a county of snow via snowploughs?

When I were a lad back in Hazel Grove we used to get regular snowstorms far more ferocious then today's offerings (Good old climate change) so motorists had snow chains in their boots, most would also carry a large packet of salt and a spade, the really prepared would also have a length of carpet or matting, all of it very handy self-help; no one bothers with that stuff these days, and yet they expect some mysterious 'them' to be ready to at least clear all the roads which they themselves want to access of snow, instantly.

Personally I support the principle of a holiday whenever it snows. It doesn't do it that often.

So my blog from a few days ago wasn't actually that far off.

An almost identical item with exactly the same cover has just sold on Ebay but this time it only raised $7. The difference between this and the previous item wasn't in the item, it was in the description.

This one didn't mention the 'nude' cover.

If I ever sell my first release version of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band I shan't advertise it as Sgt. Pepper, I shall advertise it as "Beatles album - GANG BANG COVER!!!!! L@@K!!!!". It'll be worth more that way...

They tell me it's spring. The flowers in my garden thought that a month ago and they were wrong, but this is spring according to the calendar so that's different. But not that different because the calendar's wrong as well. The venerable old tree at the bottom of our garden doen't think it's spring yet. It's showing no sign of bursting into leaf, and quite right too because it's phlippin' phreezing up in the computer room right now, and that means it's going to be even colder in my bedroom. I'm not about to start talking in Fahrenheit just yet.

This is, of course, my excusereason for not being around on here much of late. I can just about stand to check my emails and ebay but blogging is a luxury my little fan heater just isn't up to.

At the moment my fingers are like ice-lollypops (I would have said icicles but they've still got traces of the sweetener that I put in my tea on them), but I'm scarcely noticing. That's a lie, I am now noticing with a vengence but up till now I've been sitting fascinated by the £-$ exchange rate. I went to XE.com just to check if it was worth my while buying a CD from the US and as I looked the rate changed. The pound was now worth 0.0001 more against the dollar. I'm not even sure if that 0.0001 was in cents or nupennies and I don't care. All I knew was that if it kept rising I could buy that CD.

So I watched.

It's fascinating. Why is the pound slowly crawling up against the dollar? Has confidence in the pound suddenly gone up because we didn't change the interest rate this month? Is the dollar collapsing at the thought of someone of the wrong colour, age, or sex entering the White House?

Or are the strange faceless people who make money out of screwing around with our lives while not actually contributing anything to the economy whatsoever busy pushing up the pound prior to selling it and buying the now devalued dollar, which will then rise in value again so that they can sell it and buy something else that they've devalued?

I'm thinking option three. Pah. Pondscum of the Earth, the lot of them. Come the revolution....

Which hasn't stopped me from buying the CD, so Ms. DooWop, if you're reading this. Get that CD into the bag and off to me quick, before the faceless ones strike again...