Boss Radio

...In Rio.

Title courtesy of 'Tenuous Titles R Us'.

There's a footballer with a backwards name. I think when he was being Christened the preacher had the surnames first on the card, and when he called out "Rio, Ferdinand" his mother misunderstood and said "No. The other way 'round you fool".

Whatever. The point is that with my total ignorance of anything even remotely sporty (Even Sporty Spice) I was unable to tell the difference between one imported sportsman and another. I thought he was the one who has just been sold by Manchester United to some other club for £80 million. Actually it appears it was some stupid old tarParis Hilton's new boyfriend, Cristiano Ronaldo. Still. 80 mill for one guy, whatever his name is... and I heard it on the news so it's gotta be true.

The next thing I heard on the news was that the workers at the Vauxhall and LDV motor vehicle companies shouldn't expect the government to bail them out.

You know what's coming next. If footballers are worth that much why don't we just sell Man. U? The money we'd get for the whole set would more than pay to keep what's left of Britain's manufacturing base for the duration of the depression and then some, and it's not like we actually need them. We have footie teams coming out of our earholes. They're everywhere. All we'd have to do is to shuffle all the other teams up one to fill the gap. I guarantee, no one would notice.

Then after a few polite months grace Stockport County could change their name to Manchester United, The Chapel St. School XI could become the new Stockport, and next year's input can be the new Chapel St. FC - which they would have done anyway.

And the world thinks Gordon Brown is the financial genius.

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Note to self. Remember to change the title before posting.

Someone just said it on TV. I think they meant 'Quantitative easing'.

It means 'Inventing money'.

I think.

It's money, Jim, but not as we know it.

It's electronic money and doesn't really exist in the real world, it's just there for the banks to use to start them lending money to each other again. I do find myself worrying though, that they might get it mixed up with the real money. What if they then lend it to me? Will I get into trouble for spending money that isn't really there?

The real danger with this scheme - and it's one which the-powers-that-be are hoping that the-people-who-watch-out-for-this-kinda-stuff are not going to notice (But I suspect that they will) - is that other nation's financiers will think that this money is a bit real, they will imagine it in terms of suitcases full of money, and they will realise that this means that the pound is now worth less because there are more of them to divide into the total wealth of the United Kingdom, and they will devalue it.

This of course gives me an idea that I would really like to see as an experiment, seeing as how everything which is being done to fix this crisis is experimental anyway. It goes like this.

Bring forward next year's Domesday Book (You probaby know it as 'The Census'). Give everyone of post-school age who is mentioned therein a million quid of real, freshly minted notes. The pound will immediately devalue, but that won't matter because it will, at worst, only half in value, meaning that everyone will now have the equivalent of half a million quid.

If we are to believe the statistics... ...then 90% of our wealth is owned by 10% of the population, so 90% of the population will be much better off, and the richest 10% won't be, but they'll still be stinking rich beyond the realms of anything that can be ethically justified so we really don't care much about them, do we?

The important thing is that 90% of us will start spending money. Some will be sensible and will remain fairly solvent, others will simply hand the lot over to the top 10% who will rapidly become every bit as rich as they were in the first place.

Most important of all. I will be better off, and so, incidentally will you in all probability.

Will you tell Gordon or shall I?