Posts tagged with "grunch"
Wednesday, February 15, 2012 12:21:13 AM
Weirdness, life, internet, advertising
...
I'm starting to worry about this 'net privacy thing. A few personal details on Facebook and suddenly I'm getting ads on my Googlemail for girls who are definitely under half my age, live almost next door, and want a date. At least on Facebook itself they seem to have some idea of my age, there's a girl with enormous boobies from 'Dating50s' looking at me very strangely even as I type... Ooh, and there's an ad for 'PC knowledge for seniors'. Listen you condescending jerks, I've probably forgotten more about computers than you'll ever know.
I think I preferred it when they thought I was a 17 year old from Brighton (No, I have no idea where they got that from either...).
Time for my medicine.
Angry Old Git - Welshpool.
Sunday, January 29, 2012 10:22:55 PM
stupidity, Weirdness, W3C, restaurant
...
Over the last few days Ebay has started telling me I'm blocking cookies when I try to log on.
Now I've been with computers long enough to know that they sometimes do stuff all by themselves, so I checked. Nope. I've got cookie choices set to only accept cookies from the site I'm on. It's been like that since Opera first gave me the choice and I've had no complaints from any site I've visited, including Ebay.
So I checked their terms and sure enough it says that they allow other companies to place cookies, but that I can block them if I wish. No problems there then.
So I searched for some way to get in touch, and from the front page it seems that 'help' is the only way. Upon arrival at the help page I'm asked what my problem is, so I type in "cookies" and up comes another page asking me what I want to know about cookies, and it gives me a choice of one question to click upon. That question is "How do I clear cookies?". Not exactly what I'm looking for, so I click the nice big 'Contact us' button.
It doesn't work.
So I go back a page and there I spot a smaller and more inconspicuous 'contact us' button, sneaky, but I try it anyway.
It takes me to the log in page. I log in. It tells me there is a problem with cookies.
Hmmm. So how to get in touch with them? This is obviously a time for blue sky lateral thinking outside the box. I decide to leave a message in the community forum, where sure as eggs someone will reply giving me an email address, so I go to the community forum and it asks me to log in. I log in. It tells me there is a problem with cookies.
I won't go into all the weird and wonderful ways I have tried to get in touch with this organization. Suffice it to say that I even found an old Ebay underneath the new one. I guess they just jacked it up and installed the new one or something. No, hang on, that can't be right. Anyhoo, this old version had a fully working 'contact us' button. I clicked it. It took me to the log on screen. I log in. It tells me there is a problem with cookies.
To put it politely, I was back in the restaurant again.
I am well aware that all I actually need to do is to fire up Firefox and everything will work just fine, but I don't see why I should have to. I've been using Opera since before there was an Ebay. It's up to them to write a site (Love that. "Write a site". I must remember it) that fits W3C guidelines, then it will work with all browsers, or at least if it doesn't then it's the browsers that are at fault.
And if it still doesn't work with Opera I shall be on here complaining to Opera about it.
Unless I log in and it tells me there is a problem with cookies.
Saturday, August 13, 2011 12:04:06 PM
hooligans, politics, news, stupidity
...
By the cringe, but those courts have been givng those rioter blighters a good telling off, I'll tell you. They've been throwing about sentences of one day, two days, and one person got three weeks!!! Heaven alone knows what that poor bloke had to do to get a swingeing sentence like that.
But the ones I feel the most sorry for are the ones being sentenced to say they're, well... sorry.
Apparently one 11 year old girl laughed as she said it, which upset the gentlemen of the press more than somewhat. I can't imagine why. Under the circumstances I'd say she was the height of discretion. In her situation I'd have danced a highly inappropriate tarantella crossed with my very own patented silly groove walk™© whilst singing the two punishment words with all the Pavarottian splendour I could summon up at such short notice.
And in future I shall no longer pay any fines or taxes. When I come up before the beak I shall simply say "I forgot". Next time I have a road accident I shall simply utter "Oops" before driving off into the sunset. And when I meet a policeman I shall set fire to his helmet, and tell him "Sometimes you just can't win."
And finally, to all those of you who think I've just wasted your time letting you read all this and then not coming up with a punch line:-
I'm sorry.
Monday, April 25, 2011 11:07:46 PM
clegg, 1PP, politics, stupidity
...
I've finally decided how I'm going to vote in the 1PP/AV poll that we're about to take part in. It's down to who I want to piss off the most, Cameron or Clegg, and I've decided it's Cameron. He's looking way too smug to be allowed to get away with it lately. He's also failed to answer the question that I sent him about the reduction in the number of MPs he wants to make.
Why, I wanted to know, are we not getting a vote on that? It was Cameron who linked the two together, but now that we're about to vote on it I see nothing about reducing the number of MPs on the voting notification.
This annoys me. If it goes through we're not going to be as well represented as we were previously, firstly because each of the remaining MPs will have more work to do, and secondly because it lowers the odds of the front bench being outvoted by rebel backbenchers.
We're being stitched up like kippers, and I'm taking my revenge!
Well, I would, but my mum has decided that she's voting for 1st past the post, so we're going to cancel each other out. Crazy isn't it? We're both going to the polls just to prove that we care.
Particularly since neither of us does, really.
Thursday, April 7, 2011 10:50:46 AM
global, disaster, seminal frond, Money
...
Hard to believe I know, but in the wake of the Japanese tsunami/nuclear disaster some charities are being criticised for being too fast off the mark at collecting funds for it and other disasters around the globe.
This came about because the Japanese government have asked for physical assistance, but not financial assistance, so some people are complaining that they shouldn't be asked to give cash, apparently as they are unable to make the link between sending physical assistance and paying for that physical assistance to go and do whatever it's there to do.
One exceedingly vociferous complainer, luxuriating under the (Real) name of Saundra Schimmelpfennig, said that certain non-profit organisations (That would probably be 'charities' to the rest of us) "will jump into the fundraising fray before there is any clear idea of what's happening on the ground. They'll start raising funds the same day that the disaster happened, before the government has even had a chance to get to most of the areas that have been hit, before you know what the government's capability is, before you know who else is going to be responding."
The logic of this defies me. Firstly, if you're going to collect money you have to do it while the image is still fresh in people's minds. They're just plain more willing to give that way, and secondly, if you're going to wait until you know who needs how much money and where, you're not actually going to have any money to give them yet. Can you imagine the headlines then? "Why did charities wait so long to collect money? 'I was only too ready give, but I couldn't' claims trembling onlooker".
Sometimes you just can't win.
Friday, April 1, 2011 12:12:32 AM
pain, stingers, grunch, insects
...
Oops. Sorry Doors fans, this blog actually has nothing whatsoever to do with Texas, radio, or the big beat. I got you here under false pretences in order to boost by hit count, so if you're not interested in my wasp tale you might as well move on now.
Meanwhile, back at the blog, a few days ago I was woken up by a sharp pain in my left cheek (The one on my face if you have that kind of mind - Which apparently I do...). I won't tell you what it was, I'll let you guess.
What it was doing on my face in the first place, and what it was my sleeping form did to annoy it, I'll never know, but the little swine stung me and buzzed off to I don't know where. Oh well, you win a few, you lose a few.
Two days later I was awoken by the sound of heavy machinery and dragged myself out of bed and to the window to see what was going on. Workmen filling over a couple of sewer access points for some reason. Nothing worth getting out of bed for, let's get another few winks in.
Just then something slid down the window and onto the floor.
Ooh, what was that? I glanced down but saw nothing, so I moved my foot, and YEEEEOUCH! The flipping little tyrant got three whole shots in before I got my foot out of the way. And once again I couldn't see it anywhere. The invisible stinger strikes again.
I got dressed and was just about to go down the stairs when I saw it, walking across my bed with the true nonchalance of one who knows he's boss. I say 'he', but it actually looked rather like a pregnant queen to me. Quick! Where's the anti-bug spray? I knew it would come in useful one day. I gave it the full 3 second blast and it fluttered defiantly for a moment before drifting into a spider's web. I knew that would come in useful one day as well.
But wait. It's still struggling. And still it's struggling. And it's struggling on. I was beginning to feel very guilty. Maybe I should rescue it and drop it out of the window.... Too late. It broke through the web and fell onto my bed.
Noooooooooooooooo... Not my bed. Yup. Worse still, it's crawled into the inner bag.
I grabbed the bag and shook it. Nothing fell out. I pulled out the inner bag and turned it inside out and shook it. Nothing. So I took them both downstairs and I hung the inner bag on the line outside, then I unzipped the sleeping bag and spread it out across the garden table. It was sunny but windy and I had to hold it down with a couple of chunks of wood to prevent it from flying away.
At the end of the day I brought them in and decided I would leave the inner bag inside out, and use one of the spare sleeping bags, and of course you can finish the story yourself.
But I'm not going to let you.
In the middle of the night I was awoken by a searing pain in my side. The unspeakable little grotbag had, one way or another, wound up inside my inside out inner bag, where it had allowed to me to clamber in, toss about a bit, then go to sleep, before suddenly attacking me for some crime I must have committed in my dreams.
On the plus side, I think I got it this time. I absolutely must have squished it.
On the other hand, I still haven't found the body...
Saturday, February 26, 2011 3:13:51 PM
time, Money, Liberal, questions
...
It's with some relief that I can announce that on this week's 'Any Questions?' the Labour party seems to have seriously cut back on it's annoying habit of referring to the government as "This Tory-led coalition", it was getting really annoying.
For their part the Tories are being a lot more careful with their "The mess the previous government left us" line following increasing barracking from the audience on both 'Any Questions?' and 'Question Time'. They were, I suspect, a little worried that the general public was slowly making the connection.
It goes like this. The banks go bust and plunge us into a giant economic crisis, the New Labour government bails them out to the tune of millions of quid using our money because allowing the banks to go bust would be unthinkable (I'm thinking about it and it's starting to seem like a pretty good idea to me) thus making our financial condition even worse. The Conservatives get in with the help of the Liberals and start banging on about the mess Labour left them. The bankers continue to pay themselves huge bonuses and the Tories refuse to do anything about it. Then it's revealed that over half of the Conservative party's funding comes from the banks...
The Labour party gave our money to the banks so the banks could give eleven and a half million quid to the Conservatives.
And they have the cheek to bray about the Labour Party being funded by the unions...
Meanwhile, back at 'Any Questions?', would it be possible for politicians to stop 'Thinking'? They seem to be continuously thinking that something is right, that this is the way to go, that the public will support this. There's nothing wrong with thinking, but they're adding the subtext "I think, therefore I'm right".
No you're not. Now stop it or I may have to kill you*.
*I keep slipping this in to my blogs because it apparently attracts the attention of the forces of goodness, anti-terrorism, and all that is right, and I like the idea that my blogs are being read by important people.
Monday, December 6, 2010 8:27:00 AM
seminal frond, Money, humour, ME
...
A woman who makes 'Sound sculptures' has just won the Turner prize, which must rate as the world's most mocked award. This is worrying. I create sound sculptures. Every time I play a guitar solo I'm creating something new that no one has ever heard before. If that's not a sound sculpture, someone tell me what is, because that's what Frank Zappa called his guitar solos.
Not we're the only ones of course. There are two kinds of musician in my world. Those that play the same thing and those that don't. Amongst the millions of other members of group two there's Carlos Santana, Jimi Hendrix, Miles Davis, Charlie Parker, John Coltane... The list is almost endless because by the time you've finished listing them there'll be a million more.
And this worries me because I'm the only Brit mentioned on this page, and that might mean that it will soon be my turn to win the Turner.
I'm a delicate person. I don't want to be a laughing stock.
Monday, November 29, 2010 9:52:14 PM
cold, Snow, climate, driving
...
It's still snowing, and each day I've been scouring the news for
the complaint.You know the one. The one that goes "They get snow every year in Scandinavia/Alaska/Russia/Canada and it doesn't bring them to a standstill. Typical Britain!"
Today was the first sighting, as some guy who'd driven his car off the road got his 16 seconds on the news.
One day... one wonderful day I shall be within shouting distance of one of these people, and I shall explain it to them. "These people," I shall say, "
Know that they're going to get snow. They know pretty much where it's going to fall, and they know pretty much when it's going to fall. They are ready for it. They pay for it, in advance."
At this point I shall pause, meaningfully, before continuing "Furthermore they prepare themselves for it. They fit snow chains, if they will have reason to travel outside their local environs they fit snow tyres. Yup. They will replace all 5 wheels with tyres that are intended for the job.
We could, of course, be ready for snowfall, just as our snowbound cousins are, but we would have to pay for it. We too would have to purchase snow chains and snow tyres already on rims, ready for instant swapping. We would, via our council taxes, have to pay for the men and machines to sit around for 6 months of the year doing nothing just in case it should snow. We would have to pay for the gravel and its storage throughout the nation even though, in the average year, most of it would not be required, and we would have to pay the suppliers of road salt a holding fee to make sure that they were always able to issue us with however much salt we require at 24 hours notice."
I shall then issue the final, stinging, rebuke. "In your case," I shall say sternly, "You have merely driven off the road. These people with their microphones and cameras have travelled the same byways and have not driven off the road. I too have acheived this feat. By simply fitting snow chains and driving sensibly you too could have avoided this fate. Indeed, by not even venturing out in these conditions you could have saved yourself and your family a whole load of grief.
In future ask yourself if your trip is really necessary. If it is, and I notice that the world has not stopped spinning as a result of your current plight, then prepare yourself for the journey ahead. Do you need snow tyres? If not, go equipped with snow chains, a shovel, a full fuel tank, warm clothing, satnav, a mobile 'phone, and a flask of hot non-alcoholic beverage.
Then
drive sensibly."
Actually I'll probably say no such thing. I'll probably raise my eyes to the sky and wend my way back to my car, where I shall settle down with a cup of hot coffee and whatever's on local radio before 'phoning home to say I might be a bit late...
Thursday, November 11, 2010 10:54:43 PM
wages, Work, employment, benefits
...
It's good to see that the government (Who I am reliably assured are avid readers of this blog) have finally agreed with me that the way to get people to actually want to work is to pay them more than they get for not working, but their approach seems to me to be a little odd. Instead of getting employers to pay a little more at the expense of their own (Extremely overblown) salaries, they want the taxpayer to fund it.
I don't understand the logic. What do I gain from paying someone to work over paying them not to work? The only people to gain would be the employers wh....
Oh, I get it....
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