Boss Radio

It's still snowing, and each day I've been scouring the news for the complaint.

You know the one. The one that goes "They get snow every year in Scandinavia/Alaska/Russia/Canada and it doesn't bring them to a standstill. Typical Britain!"

Today was the first sighting, as some guy who'd driven his car off the road got his 16 seconds on the news.

One day... one wonderful day I shall be within shouting distance of one of these people, and I shall explain it to them. "These people," I shall say, "Know that they're going to get snow. They know pretty much where it's going to fall, and they know pretty much when it's going to fall. They are ready for it. They pay for it, in advance."

At this point I shall pause, meaningfully, before continuing "Furthermore they prepare themselves for it. They fit snow chains, if they will have reason to travel outside their local environs they fit snow tyres. Yup. They will replace all 5 wheels with tyres that are intended for the job.

We could, of course, be ready for snowfall, just as our snowbound cousins are, but we would have to pay for it. We too would have to purchase snow chains and snow tyres already on rims, ready for instant swapping. We would, via our council taxes, have to pay for the men and machines to sit around for 6 months of the year doing nothing just in case it should snow. We would have to pay for the gravel and its storage throughout the nation even though, in the average year, most of it would not be required, and we would have to pay the suppliers of road salt a holding fee to make sure that they were always able to issue us with however much salt we require at 24 hours notice."

I shall then issue the final, stinging, rebuke. "In your case," I shall say sternly, "You have merely driven off the road. These people with their microphones and cameras have travelled the same byways and have not driven off the road. I too have acheived this feat. By simply fitting snow chains and driving sensibly you too could have avoided this fate. Indeed, by not even venturing out in these conditions you could have saved yourself and your family a whole load of grief.

In future ask yourself if your trip is really necessary. If it is, and I notice that the world has not stopped spinning as a result of your current plight, then prepare yourself for the journey ahead. Do you need snow tyres? If not, go equipped with snow chains, a shovel, a full fuel tank, warm clothing, satnav, a mobile 'phone, and a flask of hot non-alcoholic beverage.

Then drive sensibly."

Actually I'll probably say no such thing. I'll probably raise my eyes to the sky and wend my way back to my car, where I shall settle down with a cup of hot coffee and whatever's on local radio before 'phoning home to say I might be a bit late...