INVERSE VANDALISM

So I'm at the coffee shop see, and this little girl of maybe five is pacing around on a cell phone like she's got somewhere to be. "Now" she says. "I want it now!" I can picture her in twenty years flipping mortgages and stocks. I feel like an old man talking about "my generation".
Wehell! In my day I ran through the woods, drank from the creek, took a shit wherever I wanted, made my bed, ect. ect. ect. But I know it's not so much about time as it is about socio-economics and location.

There's still plenty of rural areas in which folks can enjoy a simple, fulfilling life.
But as cities grow and area codes spread out, the vacuum of fast paced consumerism sucks up everything in it's path, including small children. Innocence is being lost earlier and earlier.
Pretty soon, they'll be cursing, masturbating, and feening for Mickey D's in the womb.
But hey, that's what baptism's for. Through baptism, we're already being purged of original sin thanks to Adam and Eve. Why not sprinkle a little more holy water on the cumulative forehead or hold em' under a little longer depending on preference? I doubt that would solve the problem. I was confirmed in three different faiths and I'm not even religious. Anymore. Well, kinda. Maybe that's the problem. Where are my drugs....

Where was I? Oh yes. The country. Thank God I'm a country boy as cliché as that is. I couldn't bear the thought of growing up surrounded by concrete, bums, fast talkers, and con-artists.
I suppose it teaches you valuable lessons about who to trust. It can also be culturally advantageous. But when the shit goes down, whose gonna be ready? The city slicker who's never fired a gun or used a machete, or the good ole boy from Port Vincent, Louisiana? I honed my skills early. I can walk into the woods tomorrow morning and not come out for a good long while. Not to toot my own horn, but I'm a bad mother shutyomouth. Enough about me. This post made no sense.

So let's talk about Halloween. I have this huge, white chemical resistant plastic like jumpsuit I can make a costume out of. Any ideas? My first thought was "Futuristic Scarecrow", but that's kinda lame.
Ideas people. I want them now!