My OperaMy Big Problem With Chick Peas
Monday, January 29, 2007 9:39:07 PM
Let me start by annoucing that I am a smart guy.
This is important to know before reading.
I am an idiot. I have trouble eating Chick Peas (less commonly known as Garbanzo Beans) because when I was an LK* I thought someone (I can't recall who, I was very young) told me that they were the heads of baby chickens. They very well may have been telling me that they "are called Chick Peas because they look like baby chick heads" and I just got it wrong. I mean, who in thier right mind would tell a toddler that a can of vegetables is a can of squeezably soft baby bird heads? Few people, I'm betting (with exception).
The tragic part is Chick Peas aren't seen every day, at least not near me. I think I can count the number of times I've ever seen them on my fingers and toes. So it's not like growing up I had many opportunities to question what I had been told, nor grown-ups the opportunity to re-adjust my beliefs to coax me into eating something a realtive made at a family affair so they could all chit-chat about what a gentleman my mother had raised. Who brings a plate of Chick Peas to a dinner? I digress, the fact is, I went on thinking this until it was too late, then when I was about 9 years old or so someone must have explained it to me. I know because it was before we moved.
The problem is, I spent more time seeing these things thinking "that's a baby chicken head" than thinking "that's a pea" (they are actuall beans, I think) and they look SO much like chick heads, who wouldn't believe it as a kid? I actually think at completely random times about Chick Peas and how gross they are.
Why am I writing this? Well, why are you reading? ...Nevermind, I'm writing because it's been a while, and today I got 'Chicken Chili' for lunch at work; I was in a rush and the grill was closed. Not until I got back up to my office did I realize the oversize styrofoam cup was half filled with Chick Peas, too, replacing the beans in the Chili with baby bird heads, softened and spicy. Upon peeling the lid back, I actually closed it quick as if there were a tarantula in the cup, in fear. In fear? What the hell?! I pretended to laugh at the humor in Chicken Chili (with Chick Peas) as if the crowd of people in my mind would think I anticipated eating a cool 30-35 warm bird skulls when really I was shocked this was going to be my meal.
I'm 26 years old, I KNOW they aren't baby bird heads, and I've eaten them before. But every time I do it's like one, every few years, and I loath the feeling. Rolling it around, doubting myself, feeling the eye divits and beaky part with my toungue and bottom lip, letting it roll along the inner rim of my teeth, as if waiting for it to chew itself because I sure as hell won't start unless pressured. But 30 plus? Warm, in a sloppy meaty mess? It looked and felt like they put helmets on 30 one inch chicks, tossed them in a blender for a few minutes, and then took off their helmets.
I felt like I was being tested... this was too much all at once. I still feel sick. I thought, if I can handle this, I'll have probably cleared my mental stupidity on this whole topic and be good to go for life. Wrong. I'm scarred, it was terrible, and I totally feel like I ate impossibly small birds. I will forever think of today whenever I see another Chick Pea, and be reminded of the holocaust in my mouth. But man chili is so good, even when it's rotting your mind.
* Little Kid
This is important to know before reading.
I am an idiot. I have trouble eating Chick Peas (less commonly known as Garbanzo Beans) because when I was an LK* I thought someone (I can't recall who, I was very young) told me that they were the heads of baby chickens. They very well may have been telling me that they "are called Chick Peas because they look like baby chick heads" and I just got it wrong. I mean, who in thier right mind would tell a toddler that a can of vegetables is a can of squeezably soft baby bird heads? Few people, I'm betting (with exception).The tragic part is Chick Peas aren't seen every day, at least not near me. I think I can count the number of times I've ever seen them on my fingers and toes. So it's not like growing up I had many opportunities to question what I had been told, nor grown-ups the opportunity to re-adjust my beliefs to coax me into eating something a realtive made at a family affair so they could all chit-chat about what a gentleman my mother had raised. Who brings a plate of Chick Peas to a dinner? I digress, the fact is, I went on thinking this until it was too late, then when I was about 9 years old or so someone must have explained it to me. I know because it was before we moved.
The problem is, I spent more time seeing these things thinking "that's a baby chicken head" than thinking "that's a pea" (they are actuall beans, I think) and they look SO much like chick heads, who wouldn't believe it as a kid? I actually think at completely random times about Chick Peas and how gross they are.Why am I writing this? Well, why are you reading? ...Nevermind, I'm writing because it's been a while, and today I got 'Chicken Chili' for lunch at work; I was in a rush and the grill was closed. Not until I got back up to my office did I realize the oversize styrofoam cup was half filled with Chick Peas, too, replacing the beans in the Chili with baby bird heads, softened and spicy. Upon peeling the lid back, I actually closed it quick as if there were a tarantula in the cup, in fear. In fear? What the hell?! I pretended to laugh at the humor in Chicken Chili (with Chick Peas) as if the crowd of people in my mind would think I anticipated eating a cool 30-35 warm bird skulls when really I was shocked this was going to be my meal.
I'm 26 years old, I KNOW they aren't baby bird heads, and I've eaten them before. But every time I do it's like one, every few years, and I loath the feeling. Rolling it around, doubting myself, feeling the eye divits and beaky part with my toungue and bottom lip, letting it roll along the inner rim of my teeth, as if waiting for it to chew itself because I sure as hell won't start unless pressured. But 30 plus? Warm, in a sloppy meaty mess? It looked and felt like they put helmets on 30 one inch chicks, tossed them in a blender for a few minutes, and then took off their helmets.
I felt like I was being tested... this was too much all at once. I still feel sick. I thought, if I can handle this, I'll have probably cleared my mental stupidity on this whole topic and be good to go for life. Wrong. I'm scarred, it was terrible, and I totally feel like I ate impossibly small birds. I will forever think of today whenever I see another Chick Pea, and be reminded of the holocaust in my mouth. But man chili is so good, even when it's rotting your mind.* Little Kid
(52%)
AntonCaptainSeagull # Monday, January 29, 2007 10:14:20 PM
HAHA, Ed this is hilarious. I can help you overcome this though, if you actually want me to.
Sam SabbaghSäm # Monday, January 29, 2007 10:33:47 PM
Unregistered user # Tuesday, January 30, 2007 11:56:13 PM
Geoff GirardinG-off # Wednesday, January 31, 2007 1:23:19 AM
Joel Lutherlutherjw # Tuesday, February 6, 2007 3:15:26 AM
You like the abbreviation LK, don't you.
Anyway *great story.
* great=gross
AntonCaptainSeagull # Wednesday, February 7, 2007 5:37:56 AM
Joel Lutherlutherjw # Wednesday, February 7, 2007 11:20:26 PM
o.O They do look alike...
I just changed mine...
They don't look alike now.
Geoff GirardinG-off # Thursday, February 8, 2007 2:43:43 PM
Èwin # Tuesday, May 1, 2007 3:34:53 AM