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Posts tagged with "food"

Easter Dinner

Sunday, April 8, 2007 11:05:03 PM

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My Mom: We'll have to see if Antonio can FedEx some of that incredible sausage from Italy.
Me (angry): You can't FedEx meat!

My Mom: She was about one year old, but she was old enough to know. ...Boy, she was in love with that package of fish.





4 comments

Falling Irony

Wednesday, April 4, 2007 5:42:36 AM

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This was a blog I wrote a little over 2 years ago. I found it just now, and decided to share this delightful story with you, unedited, as it originally existed, except that I have added a picture of the "Blue Cross Building"


March 2005

So this morning, walking up Market street to my building was the windiest day so far, practically tore my pants off. and as im walking i have my head tucked down, like every other poor sap with the exception tthat mine wasnt hovering over some form of hot grandemochatallgarbachino latte. so with no hot cup of caffeine warming my face there was nothing encouraging me to walk face down like everyone else. i lifted my head at times to make sure i wasnt going to get hit by a car and to make sure i wasnt the ass who was preventing people from wwalking as fast as they needed to to get where they were going. so this one time as i was letting the furious march wind uppercut my chin and travel down my collar, freezing me from the inside out i saw this thing. it was huge. from what i could tell, as it was falling off of the blue cross building, it was a sheet of ice no smaller than an old volkswagon beetle. as it made its way down the fifty some floors like a guilitine blade, or an old beetle driving down the side of a building. ill be honest i got really scared, to the point where i actually thought this sentence in my head: "You have to save these people!" as if i could. it was coming so fast i realized it was already too late and i had to save myself and jsut as i parted my lips to yell out "ICE!!" the sheet was thrown furiously awway from the building (still about 5 floors up) caught in the wind, and came down at a 45 degree angle and exploded itself just before hitting the building across the street effectively cascading about a hundred smaller ice shurikens against the side of the building and to the sidwalk below. i closed my mouth after the whisper trickled out: "...ice.."

i was standing there, as people passed me on both sides and in both directions by still nose down in thier suicidechinos completely oblivious to what just could have, and wwhat jsut did happen. im not trying to say anything bad about these people for not knowing, but it would have been nice (for survivals sake) if a few of them were in my shoes, also ready to warn others. i looked around for a few seconds to see if there was even a few who had noticed the last part at least. nothing.

i decided to get on my way when i realizzed that by standing there i was the ass who was preventing people from walking as fast as they needed to to get where they were going.
yay extreme irony..

4 comments

Tacos

Friday, March 30, 2007 5:31:11 PM

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For Espen, Anton, and Chris.

5 comments

Salt: The White Ninja

Wednesday, February 28, 2007 6:56:17 PM

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This is the pile of salt that fell off of the pretzels i just ate. What i mean is that this is what was left in the bag. That is a ton of salt. And that is a quarter, not a dime, for scale. Why was there that much? They tasted great without it! It was trying to kill me. God help us all.

Frighten.ed

9 comments

My Big Problem With Chick Peas

Monday, January 29, 2007 9:39:07 PM

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Let me start by annoucing that I am a smart guy.
This is important to know before reading.

I am an idiot. I have trouble eating Chick Peas (less commonly known as Garbanzo Beans) because when I was an LK* I thought someone (I can't recall who, I was very young) told me that they were the heads of baby chickens. They very well may have been telling me that they "are called Chick Peas because they look like baby chick heads" and I just got it wrong. I mean, who in thier right mind would tell a toddler that a can of vegetables is a can of squeezably soft baby bird heads? Few people, I'm betting (with exception).

The tragic part is Chick Peas aren't seen every day, at least not near me. I think I can count the number of times I've ever seen them on my fingers and toes. So it's not like growing up I had many opportunities to question what I had been told, nor grown-ups the opportunity to re-adjust my beliefs to coax me into eating something a realtive made at a family affair so they could all chit-chat about what a gentleman my mother had raised. Who brings a plate of Chick Peas to a dinner? I digress, the fact is, I went on thinking this until it was too late, then when I was about 9 years old or so someone must have explained it to me. I know because it was before we moved.

The problem is, I spent more time seeing these things thinking "that's a baby chicken head" than thinking "that's a pea" (they are actuall beans, I think) and they look SO much like chick heads, who wouldn't believe it as a kid? I actually think at completely random times about Chick Peas and how gross they are.

Why am I writing this? Well, why are you reading? ...Nevermind, I'm writing because it's been a while, and today I got 'Chicken Chili' for lunch at work; I was in a rush and the grill was closed. Not until I got back up to my office did I realize the oversize styrofoam cup was half filled with Chick Peas, too, replacing the beans in the Chili with baby bird heads, softened and spicy. Upon peeling the lid back, I actually closed it quick as if there were a tarantula in the cup, in fear. In fear? What the hell?! I pretended to laugh at the humor in Chicken Chili (with Chick Peas) as if the crowd of people in my mind would think I anticipated eating a cool 30-35 warm bird skulls when really I was shocked this was going to be my meal.

I'm 26 years old, I KNOW they aren't baby bird heads, and I've eaten them before. But every time I do it's like one, every few years, and I loath the feeling. Rolling it around, doubting myself, feeling the eye divits and beaky part with my toungue and bottom lip, letting it roll along the inner rim of my teeth, as if waiting for it to chew itself because I sure as hell won't start unless pressured. But 30 plus? Warm, in a sloppy meaty mess? It looked and felt like they put helmets on 30 one inch chicks, tossed them in a blender for a few minutes, and then took off their helmets.

I felt like I was being tested... this was too much all at once. I still feel sick. I thought, if I can handle this, I'll have probably cleared my mental stupidity on this whole topic and be good to go for life. Wrong. I'm scarred, it was terrible, and I totally feel like I ate impossibly small birds. I will forever think of today whenever I see another Chick Pea, and be reminded of the holocaust in my mouth. But man chili is so good, even when it's rotting your mind.
* Little Kid

9 comments

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