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From One Chick to Another..

Where under His Wings I find refuge.

Posts tagged with "Joke"

Why did the Chicken Cross the road?

I posted this nearing the beginning of my blog...I thought it was worth re-posting..:smile:


I guess the answer to the question all depends on who you ask.....

GEORGE W. BUSH
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

AL GORE
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring
greater services to the American people.

RALPH NADER
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

RUSH LIMBAUGH
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with
crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.

MARTHA STEWART
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.


DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, The chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain. Alone.


MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

BARBARA WALTERS
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

VOLTAIRE
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.

RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?

CAPTAIN KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

SIGMUND FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 2006, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

THE BIBLE
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?
:heart:

Better not mess with me!

, ,

If you know what's good for you! :right:

Read more...

Home Security System--CHEAP!

,

1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size
14-16 workboots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer
cans, a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
"Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went to the gun shop for more ammo. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked the mailman this mornin and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood.

PS - I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside."

:heart:

The History of Egg Nog



:lol: :heart:

Can you even imagine??

This is one thing I am happy to say my kids NEVER did try! :eyes:
This is one of several pics that were sent to me in an e-mail. This one almost caused me to fall over. :lol:


:heart:

Preoccupied today...

I found a new web-site and I have to say I am loving it!
It is geared towards cake decorating enthusiasts...and I am just skimming the surface.
There are forums, photo albums & everything. :chef:
It is at CakeCentral.Com

Anyhow...my sister in law sent this to me this morning and I wanted to share...I ROFLOL!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

Subject: FW: Little Johnny and the red bike

> Little Johnny wants a new red bike for his birthday. This is how
> he goes
> about getting it:
>
> Little Johnny came into the kitchen where his mother was making
> dinner.
> His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good timeto
> tell
> his mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."
>
> Little Johnny was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into
> trouble at school and at home. Johnny's mother asked him if he
> thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Johnny,
> thought he did. His mother suggested that he would think about his
> behavior over the last year and write a letter to God and tell
> him why he
> deserved a bike for his birthday. Little Johnny stomped up the
> steps to
> his room and sat down to write God a letter.
>
> LETTER 1:
> Dear God:
> I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for
> my
> birthday. I want a red one.
> Your friend, Johnny
> Johnny knew this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this
> year,
> so he tore up the letter and started over.
>
> LETTER 2:
> Dear God:
> This is your friend Johnny. I have been a pretty good boy this
> year and I
> would like a red bike for my birthday.
> Thank you, Johnny
> Johnny knew this wasn't true either. He tore up the letter and
> started again.
>
> LETTER 3:
> Dear God:
> I have been an OK boy this year and I would really like a red bike
> for my
> birthday.
> Johnny
> Johnny knew he could not send this letter to God either, so he
> wrote another letter.
>
> LETTER 4:
> Dear God:
> I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will
> be a
> good boy if you just send me a red bike for my birthday.
> Johnny knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to
> get him a
> bike. By now, Johnny was very upset. He went downstairs and told
> his mother that he wanted to go to church. Johnny's mother thought
> her plan had worked because Johnny looked very sad. "Just be home
> in time for dinner," his mother said. Johnny walked down the
> street to the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see
> if anyone was there. He picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary. He
> slipped it under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the
> street, into his house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his
> room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.
>
> Johnny began his letter to God.
>
> LETTER 5:
> I GOT YOUR MAMA.
> IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.
> Signed,
> YOU KNOW WHO

Have a great day! :heart:
July 2008
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