E PLURIBUS UNUM

I have read many articles, and even a few books on the subject of getting older, and they seem to cover all the problems, psychological, and physical. Some even cover the advantages of becoming a senior citizen, which there are many, and organizations like AARP, keep us informed of all the things that concern us most, like Social Security, Medicare, and the retirement homes that are close to the golf course. I don’t know why they think we all want to retire and play golf for the rest of our lives. The point is, we are all different, and sometimes we want different things out of life, and that brings me to the main point of this blog post.

I am a sixty eight year old man, who should be pretty much set in my ways by now, but instead, I don’t think I’ve ever been more confused about certain things. I have come to a point in my life where I do not have much interest in anything, and that concerns me, because right now I don’t know what I want out of the rest of my life. Most of the time I would just like for my wife and I to be left alone, but of course her family will never let that happen. I feel that she is being used, and abused by her children, grandchildren, and at least one brother. You see, we have only been married for eight years, and her children are not my children, and mine are not her’s, and in her family there seems to be a new crisis every other day, and it keeps her pretty much stressed out, and that bothers me. Their problems don’t seem to concern me much, and that bothers me. Enough said on that subject I guess.

I had a heart attack some years ago, a pretty bad one. I came very close to dying, I guess I did die for a few moments, but was resuscitated. I am now on a lot of medication, which may be causing a lot of my problems. Otherwise right now I feel good most of the time, at least physically.

A lot of things that I used to do, that I enjoyed, I can’t do anymore for various reasons, one being that I can’t afford it anymore, but when I think about it, I really don’t desire to do those things, like hunting, and fishing, and that bothers me, but you know, I think what bothers me most is the fact that I do not enjoy teaching the Bible classes anymore, I don’t enjoy going to church like I used to. I feel like I’m just going through the motions because I feel a reluctant obligation to keep doing these things, and I don’t want to hurt anyone. I do not believe theologically the same as I once did, and the Church that believes the way I do now, is almost twenty miles away, and gasoline is now over three dollars per gallon, and that frustrates me.

I am beginning to feel like the the writer of “Ecclesiastes” in the Bible, and I quote;

Ecclesiastes 1:7-9 “All streams run to the sea, but the sea is not full;

to the place where the streams flow,

there they flow again.

All things are full of weariness;

a man cannot utter it;

the eye is not satisfied with seeing,

nor the ear filled with hearing.

What has been is what will be,

and what has been done is what

will be done,

and there is nothing new under the sun.

I haven’t answered any of my questions, or solved any of my problems, but I hope just writing it down will be therapeutic in some way, even though there is much more I could say, and maybe should, but not today. Perhaps it’s only temporary anyway.