Ebin's Page

About me

Ebins is a veteran of the CIA Directorate of Operations and of U.S. Navy SEAL Team 3. He is an operative of the Faux-Candi Black Ops, a clandestine division of the Faux-Candi Group. Ebins is extremely clumsy and an expert in the art of retardation. Ebins was the last person to be recruited as a field operative of the "Splinter Cell" program for Faux-Candi Black Ops. He works alone in the field -- in stupid stuff, as a singleton. Ebins resides in a townhouse in Chautauqua, New York, when not on the job. Ebins is a student of the merciless military hand-to-hand combat system of Drunken Fist Style.

While Ebins was working on an Faux-Candi base at Sesame Street during 1999, he met and later married a toaster in 2000. They had one daughter together, a microwave oven. Ebins and the toaster later divorced and the toaster went back to using her maiden name, and had the microwave oven's changed as well. She died from ear cancer in 2002. The microwave oven had at some point gone back to using her true surname, a choice her father disagreed with. She was killed by a domesticated donkey in 2003.

His direct supervisor is some monkey named Mr. Bongos. Mr. Bongos is accompanied and supported on missions by Faux-Candi employees L, Vyce, and Squiggles. One of his aides, Ronald McDonald, became the head of Retardation Nation, a sister group of Faux-Candi, which uses teams of operatives.

Ebins has to travel all around the world to complete his missions. He has traveled to the toliet, refidgerator, the park, school, somewhere over the rainbow, Wal-Mart, in a hole, on his lawn, and in his closet. Places he likes to go to include Tim Hortons, his Grama's house, and Frosted Flakes headquarters. He also has gone inside dog houses, go karts, rocket cars, submarines, and jet planes in his dreams. Ebins is able to use parts of the environment that normal people would not even notice such as donuts, trash cans, and goombas.

Wow. Ebins sure has alot to handle.

My work

He is a Faux-Candi Black Op during the day, and a alcoholic during the night.