Travelin' Light

Maybe it's because Mrs. Grayson left the television on CNN all day. Maybe it’s because every time I answer the phone, I hear the recorded voice of some politician asking for my vote. Or maybe it's the great lie, that myth of Choice, that's being perpetrated against the American people. Whatever reason, I am going to be really glad when this election is over.

To illustrate: imagine a hypothetical situation in which reasons beyond your control require you to eat only potatoes. A waitress appears and tells you, "Sir (or Ma'am), you know the rule, about how we all have to eat potatoes. But hang on now, it's not so bad- you get to choose how you'd like them prepared! Would you like them baked or mashed?" Is this really a choice? Does it really matter? Both methods of preparation elicit rather bland results. So, you say to the waitress, "What about au gratin? Or hash browns- can I get some of those? Or, you know what I'm really in the mood for? An avocado! Or maybe a slice of pumpkin pie!" But you know you won't get pie. You won't even get a response; the waitress raises her eyebrows at you over her order pad and begins clicking her retractable pen impatiently. "Sir?" she finally prompts you, "Baked or mashed?"

But, you know, despite my cynicism about the political system in America, I feel a certain degree of guilt about all those Women Suffragists working so hard just so that I would have the right to vote and all that. I saw a movie on PBS about them, and it made me feel sort of like a jerk for being anti-voting. This year, I’ve developed a solution to this problem that allows me to exercise my right to vote, and also register my complete disdain/indifference for our nation’s current political system. I wish I had thought of it sooner than the night before midterm elections, but perhaps it will catch on and gain momentum by 2008. Here it is: Vote random! It doesn’t matter if you know anything about the candidates' "platform" because the idea is to let other principles govern your decision. Be a voice of chaos! Don't make up your mind until the minute you actually choose! It's easy! You just punch holes without regard to party affiliation, incumbency, gay marriage, or anything like that.

Is that cutting off your own nose to spite your face? Maybe. Is it subversive or stupid? You decide. Use any word you like to describe it.