Sunday, 13. August 2006, 01:53:05
My crying mother can't stand it for quite long. Sometimes she's fine. The second after a tear drops from her eye into her mouth, trying to escape from the pain.
A year ago a small sign of melanoma was located in our cat Foxy. The process was somehow easygoing, as the first tumor was the size of a pea. Normally that should be OK, but some months after a new one appeared close to where the first one was. A second review was less encouraging. A confirmation of the bad news:
Melanoma, a skin cancer normally treated by extirpation. This time the surgeon told us that there was nothing she can do... of course, take it off again, but another one would appear sooner or later. She sent us to a homeopath vet, and there it was... a treatment based in water and some silica... those you can order in those stores. Of course It didn't work. Fortunately, my mom also used
transfer factors on the cat, so he had a huge improvement, in his quality of life, but at some point the skin could not take it any more and opened. Supposedly that was the vet's expected reaction, so the body could expell the tumor, but the hole in the skin grew bigger and bigger and while the transfer factor helped the cat to close the wound, at some point it opened again. After months of this, the tumor was so big that it had to be cut off again, this time the size of it was like a tennis ball. Again, the surgeon told us to wait and see... she could not help us anymore.
Last monday the cat was sad, too sad. He suddenly couldn't breath correctly and started to get tired very often. Every care seemed to be a pain for him. Today finally the vet came home to check him. No good, or even hopeful news this time. After a very difficult to take x-ray (the cat was nervous) everything points to a
metastasis of the tumor, so his lungs and/or heart are now probably infested with cancer. Some more test and another x-ray to confirm, before deciding what to do. He, sadly, seems to be suffering now, as he can't breath even when relaxed, neither can he take a nap as he likes, lying in one side, because it's painful. Now we can't pick him up by his ribs because it hurts. Probably after the second set of test, the best decision should be to let him die without so much suffering... I really do not want to look at him hardly breathing until all his chest becomes some horrible, putrid dark piece of meat.
I'm sorry... I can't even think if I'm writing this in the proper way.
I... I just wanted to take all this tears out of my body and somehow show to myself how I love this cat and how hard it's to me to see this situation. I'm sure everything, whatever it is, will be the best for everyone... I just... I just want to learn how painful life can be and how egoist coward I am because I can't still confront death face to face. Not even with an animal.
(13%)
WIDGETIZE