Tales of the Restless

God, this whole education thing has been battering me left and right. I"m not getting anything in calculus, which is a shame cuase I like this teacher better than last year, I can't seem to set myself aside anytime for Japanese, two tests of which recently I've gotten like a 50 on, and I have bad feeling about Wednesday's Chem midterm. Math aside, my biggest problem is taht I get too easily distracted. Last ngiht, I was planning on doing homeowrk early, finishing by ten, so i'd have time to study a bit of Japanese. I didn't even start Japanese, let alone study it, until 5:45 am, as I spent most of the night reading wikipedia. It's not just sad, it's scary.

I mean, I want to learn, I just can't focus on it enough to actually get crap done till i feel the weight of the last minute, which, in this stage of the game, is much too late.
It's not helping that I"ve been doubtful about my future either. thinking about all of the courses I am interested in, and could major in, like history, international studies maybe even journalism, I feel that I wouldn't be able to get a job I'd enjoy; I mean, what does a historian do, lecture all the time? Creative writing stuff, while fun, is hardly something to bank on, and writing anything is hard to get a profit from. Maybe something like ineternational relations, I could be some type of translator, negotiator, or something, but those jobds aren't just handed out, if you knmow what I mean.

Science is great for me cause things depend on facts, not anylzing tons obscure texts and trying to make creative opinions. That's what gets me about this: I always loved science, and got good grades, and now all this stuff is kicking my ass. It's horribly demoralizing, it seems almost inevitable that my life's just going to be blah, and its worse knowing that I can see it from here, and that I'll probably do nothing about it.