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A Man Called Furie

The phone users' page, created on one of these by him on the right.

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The world is like a ride in an amusement park. And when you choose to go on it, you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round - it has thrills and chills and it's very brightly coloured and it's very loud and it's fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a very long time and they begin to question; is this real or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered and they come back to us saying "Hey don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride."

And we... kill those people.

"We have a lot invested in this ride. Shut him up. Look at my furrows of worry. Look at my big bank account and my family. This just has to be real."

Just a ride. But we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok. But it doesn't matter because it's just a ride and we can change it anytime we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money. A choice right now between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love, instead, see all of us as one.

Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defences each year and instead spend it on feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space together, both inner and outer, forever in peace.

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Caturday

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Hitslink

Hitslink - for many it's a tool, the way we see how many people have visited us recently. For some though, it's a dark insight into the minds of our visitors. A terrifying visage of the world around us.

Someone's on a quest for me. Someone else is looking up Stalker Horoscopes. This is sooooo not the time to go visiting the USA.
:insane:

Psychotic Laws - UK Edition

,

Tilla's just written a wonderfully funny post about odd laws in Denmark, and that got me thinking about some of the strange laws in this country. Sure, some of them are old laws that aren't enforced anymore as they're out of date, but that doesn't make them any less legal.

  • In the city of York it is legal to murder a Scotsman anywhere within the city limits as long as he is carrying a bow and arrow.
  • It is still illegal for a Welshman to enter the city of Chester between sunrise and sunset. The law states he must be put to death by anyone that finds him, but can only be killed with an arrow.
  • A woman may only drive a car if a man walks ten feet ahead carrying a white flag to warn all that she's coming.
  • In the Houses of Parliament it is illegal for anyone to die unless they're royalty. The conviction rate for this crime is pretty low.
  • Anyone that places a stamp upside down on a piece of mail can be charged with treason.
  • It is illegal to eat mince pies on Christmas Day.
  • If a dead whale is found on the British coastline, the head becomes property of the King, or the tail becomes property of the Queen depending on who is in power.
  • It is illegal for a taxi in London (and only London) to carry rabid dogs or corpses.
  • Any Royal Navy ship that enters the docks of London must hand over a barrel of rum to the head constable of the Tower of London.
  • All men over the age of fourteen must carry out two hours of Longbow practice per day.
  • A man who urinates in public is not breaking the law if he aims for the rear wheel of his own vehicle and keeps his right hand on the car at all times.
  • It is illegal to hail a taxi if you have the Black Death.
  • Another way to be charged with treason here is to stand within one hundred yards of the reigning monarch while not wearing socks.
  • Any person caught breaking a boiled egg at the sharper end can look forward to a day in the city stocks.
  • It is illegal for a man and woman to have sex on the steps of a church after the sun has set in Birmingham. Presumably, during the morning service is okay.
  • A pregnant woman has the right to urinate anywhere she wants, including on other people if she can get close enough.
  • If a policeman asks you not to incite a dog to bark after midnight then you must obey him, as long as you're both on the beach...

And you thought your country was strange eh?
:rolleyes:

More Lesbians

,

A while back I posted this story about citizens of the Isle of Lesbos trying to get the name Lesbians back for their country. Their argument was that only natives of Lesbos could be called Lesbians and that they'd suffered psychological damage from the current meaning of the name. Basically a load of whining homophobes.

Well, despite the difficulties getting clean results for the search term "Lesbos Court Lesbians" I've got the results of the case. It seems that, legally speaking, lesbians are not just from Lesbos but from anywhere a woman has looked at another woman and considered breaking out the baby oil.

Basically everywhere but Amish country then.
:up:

Anyone For A Hand Of Poker?

,

If you win, I'll crush you, midgets!
:knight:

Clint

, ,

Happy Birthday wolf dude. Don't do anything I wouldn't.
:sst: Did I mention I don't drink? p:

Perspective

The world is full of strange happenings. Whether they're good or bad usually depends entirely on your perspective. So many people look at things from the wrong angle to be happy about them. It would make me quite sad, except I take a step back and think that at least I don't do that.
:D

Coffee Anyone?

I find myself in the unlikely position of being unable to pick a side in an argument. I'm a coffee addict. Seriously, I'm nothing without caffeine running through my veins. I found this story about an hour after it was posted and, while not exactly following it, I hoped the customer got some kind of apology for his awful treatment by the barista that served him. When the head of the company involved posted a public reply saying "Fuck you" to him the story kind of got picked up by the public to the point that it started to be reported in American national newspapers and on websites everywhere. Personally I held off posting about it until the heat had died down.

All the guy wanted was a coffee to his own expectations (triple espresso over ice) but was told that company policy wouldn't allow it, then berated for ruining the essence of the drink. Now I'm all for decent customer service as it's something that's seriously lacking in this country, so I was disgusted to hear that and rooting for the customer, but only partly.

The thing is, espresso when served over ice produces a particularly bitter and sour drink. The sort that can turn someone away from your establishment if they've never tried it before and think all the coffee is like that. The trick is to serve it normally, then pour it over a hot (but colder than the coffee) metal spoon onto the ice. The problem with that is that many health and safety regulations prohibit it so I can see why they just stopped serving that style altogether.

One final thought on this. Currently the price of a regular Americano, one shot of milk and one sugar is seven and a half pence to make including the coffee used, the electricity to heat the water and wash the cup, and the salary of the person serving it, based on average sales. The coffee alone with the electricity to heat the water and wash the mug is four and a half pence. The cheapest coffee that Starbucks serves here is £1.40. That's one hundred and thirty two and a half pence that goes to profit. Surely with profit margins like that coming out of our pockets we can expect to be treated with some courtesy and have our coffee however we want. Hey, looks like I did pick a side after all. Oh well, gotta go. The kettle's just boiled.
:coffee:

The Road To Success

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Poor Ben. He's had such a hard life, filled with bad luck. Every job was bad, every girl a cheat and thief, every walk down the road to the local shop resulted in a fall or mugging. Even when it seems he's having good luck it ends up turning bad for him. Just look at his last job. Quickly promoted all the way up to acting CEO of a company, it was him that took the fall for insider trading he'd had no idea was going on.

From his prison cell all Ben could wish for was some good luck, just once in his life. Morning, noon and night he wished for some degree of success at anything other than being a failure. So you can imagine Ben's suprise when he woke one day to find no bars or walls keeping him in.

He looked around slowly, taking in the desert surrounding him on both sides of the road he found himself on. As no wolves attacked him immediately he started to think things were looking up. Suddenly flinching he looked up, and was happy to see no meteorites heading his way. And then he saw the sign...

100 Miles To Success

Ben was sure his prayers had finally been answered and set off down the road in the direction the sign was pointing. Past failures flared up in his mind, assuring him there was no way this would work out for him. For hours he trudged on, becoming more and more certain that the sign had turned around in some freak wind and had set him going in the wrong direction until finally, he saw another sign a little in the distance. Utilising a sudden second wind he ran towards it eagerly.

50 Miles To Success

Tears streaming down his face, he realised that everything was finally working out. He set off down the road with renewed vigour. Night fell and he almost missed the next sign in the darkness.

10 Miles To Success

Ben camped out under this sign for the night, getting only a small amount of sleep as his mind wandered in excitement. In the morning he started down the road again, happily whistling a tune. Obviously his prayers had really been answered. He hadn't even stumbled once on this journey. The next sign appeared soon enough.

This Way To Success

The sign pointed down a small dirt road towards a cabin set away from the road. Ben carefully headed towards the cabin, wondering what mystical secrets it held that would bring him success in his life. He made his way to the door and knocked nervously.

The door was immediately opened by an eight foot tall overweight balding man with thick hair on his shoulders and back, wearing only a black sparkly PVC thong.
"Well hello there hotlips", he said to Ben while removing his thong, "My name's Cess!"

July 2008
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