The Dark Furie

• In the city of York it is legal to murder a Scotsman anywhere within the city limits as long as he is carrying a bow and arrow.
• It is still illegal for a Welshman to enter the city of Chester between sunrise and sunset. The law states he must be put to death by anyone that finds him, but can only be killed with an arrow.
• A woman may only drive a car if a man walks ten feet ahead carrying a white flag to warn all that she's coming.
• In the Houses of Parliament it is illegal for anyone to die unless they're royalty. The conviction rate for this crime is pretty low.
• Anyone that places a stamp upside down on a piece of mail can be charged with treason.
• It is illegal to eat mince pies on Christmas Day.
• If a dead whale is found on the British coastline, the head becomes property of the King, or the tail becomes property of the Queen depending on who is in power.
• It is illegal for a taxi in London (and only London) to carry rabid dogs or corpses.
• Any Royal Navy ship that enters the docks of London must hand over a barrel of rum to the head constable of the Tower of London.
• All men over the age of fourteen must carry out two hours of Longbow practice per day.
• A man who urinates in public is not breaking the law if he aims for the rear wheel of his own vehicle and keeps his right hand on the car at all times.
• It is illegal to hail a taxi if you have the Black Death.
• Another way to be charged with treason here is to stand within one hundred yards of the reigning monarch while not wearing socks.
• Any person caught breaking a boiled egg at the sharper end can look forward to a day in the city stocks.
• It is illegal for a man and woman to have sex on the steps of a church after the sun has set in Birmingham. Presumably, during the morning service is okay.
• A pregnant woman has the right to urinate anywhere she wants, including on other people if she can get close enough.
• If a policeman asks you not to incite a dog to bark after midnight then you must obey him, as long as you're both on the beach...

And you thought your country was strange eh?

If you win, I'll crush you, midgets!

The world is full of strange happenings. Whether they're good or bad usually depends entirely on your perspective. So many people look at things from the wrong angle to be happy about them. It would make me quite sad, except I take a step back and think that at least I don't do that.

From his prison cell all Ben could wish for was some good luck, just once in his life. Morning, noon and night he wished for some degree of success at anything other than being a failure. So you can imagine Ben's suprise when he woke one day to find no bars or walls keeping him in.

He looked around slowly, taking in the desert surrounding him on both sides of the road he found himself on. As no wolves attacked him immediately he started to think things were looking up. Suddenly flinching he looked up, and was happy to see no meteorites heading his way. And then he saw the sign...

100 Miles To Success

Ben was sure his prayers had finally been answered and set off down the road in the direction the sign was pointing. Past failures flared up in his mind, assuring him there was no way this would work out for him. For hours he trudged on, becoming more and more certain that the sign had turned around in some freak wind and had set him going in the wrong direction until finally, he saw another sign a little in the distance. Utilising a sudden second wind he ran towards it eagerly.

50 Miles To Success

Tears streaming down his face, he realised that everything was finally working out. He set off down the road with renewed vigour. Night fell and he almost missed the next sign in the darkness.

10 Miles To Success

Ben camped out under this sign for the night, getting only a small amount of sleep as his mind wandered in excitement. In the morning he started down the road again, happily whistling a tune. Obviously his prayers had really been answered. He hadn't even stumbled once on this journey. The next sign appeared soon enough.

This Way To Success

The sign pointed down a small dirt road towards a cabin set away from the road. Ben carefully headed towards the cabin, wondering what mystical secrets it held that would bring him success in his life. He made his way to the door and knocked nervously.

The door was immediately opened by an eight foot tall overweight balding man with thick hair on his shoulders and back, wearing only a black sparkly PVC thong.
"Well hello there hotlips", he said to Ben while removing his thong, "My name's Cess!"