The Dark Furie

The Early Learning Centre (a British shop that sells "educational" toys aimed at helping children develop vital skills) is at the centre of a media storm this week and it's all because of the image over on the right. Can you spot the difference between the two farm sets? Go on, have a look and I'll let you know when you're done. Hint - it's nothing to do with the playmat beneath the set.

Ah, you've figured it out have you? Well done, that's right - the pig toy is missing. Now this isn't just a case of a single toy missing from the set. No, every single one of these £25 farm sets has had the toy pig removed because the company feels the toy may offend Jewish and Muslim parents. The backlash on the internet has been immense with petitions signed to reinstate the pig toy, including members of the muslim and jewish communities who showed that they find over use of political correctness much more offensive than toys that show a quite accurate view of a British farm. The Early Learning Centre has since pledged to reinstate the toy.

You guys know me well enough by now (and if you're a first time reader you're in for a double treat) to know that I'm not a fan of the way political correctness is used these days. Yes, we shouldn't go out of our way to offend people, and we should change certain offensive terms that have entered the public vocabulary as the right thing to say - those things I agree with. But taking a toy pig out of a farm set because it may offend some people who are part of a religion that doesn't eat pigs? Yeah, that makes sense doesn't it, and totally gives children of all religions an accurate view of farms doesn't it? It's ridiculous on so many levels but, combined with the delicious bacon sandwich lunch I had, it has inspired me to rename today's post halfway through writing it.

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You have to admit, the pig is an awesome creature. They make quite cute cartoons and there's so many ways they can be eaten. However, one of those methods has become a worldwide phenomenon - bacon.

From bacon flavoured salt (which is still the only thing that can make microwave chips taste good especially the hickory flavour) all the way to bacon flavoured envelopes and bacon flavoured baby formula, J&D's has created an entire franchise from bacon, but none of their products are quite as awesome as their collaboration with fellow bacon enthusiasts and soft-drink maker Jones.

While this limited edition bacon flavoured soft drink is sure to be popular over the holidays, it may already have been trumped by Meatwater's basic breakfast drink which is flavoured like eggs and bacon on warm buttered toast. Mmmmm, sounds delicious.

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Of course, J&D's isn't just relying on soft drinks to make their mildly porky fortune. They have a range of products available to fit all wallets as well as all needs. For example, you can even find portable bacon in the shape of this wonderful lip balm.

Of course, with bacon being as delicious as it is, this particular product should have an age rating on it to stop teenagers becoming confused about food and sex after their first kiss. The worst case scenario of course is that the bacon flavour on the lip balm is made so intoxicating that someone confuses a kiss with a slice of bacon and sparks a zombie flesh eating scare, so I appeal to the makers to ensure it's never too realistic.

What? It could happen, especially if people are blitzed on this meaty drink or one of the many other meat based cocktails that have recently slipped into fashion.

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As you can already see, there's a lot to love about bacon and a lot or versatility to the product. Is it any wonder that it's the number one element on the periodic table of awesomeness?

However, there are some people who don't respect bacon - an entire country which insists on using only the most streaked with fat parts and cooking it until it's charred and crispy. As a British man who adores bacon it is my obligation to teach you Americans the proper way to eat bacon so that you can realise it's true awesomeness and be happy enough to stop getting into wars.

• Bacon should not have fat going through it, but rather a rind on the top. Choose unsmoked back bacon and try to pick the clearest piece of meat you can.
• If the butchersells it to you unsliced then slice the bacon into 5 millimetre width slices
• Put the bacon on the grill (not in a frying pan) and cook at a medium heat for about a minute and twenty seconds.
• Turn the bacon and cook on the same heat or a further minute.

The bacon is now done and should be placed on a slice of white bread with an optional slice of American cheese and a squirt of mustard. Top off with another slice of white bread for a delicious bacon sandwich. Other condiments that work well are ketchup and barbeque sauce. You may well rage against it, but once you've tried it this way you'll wonder why you never had it like that before.

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Of course, there are some uses for overly crispy bacon. Imagine that you have a love of all things bacon (and if you don't then the readers of this post will have you up against the wall first when the bacolution comes) and you also likerotting your teeth. For the purpose of this hypothetical situation you're all out of the bacon flavoured soft drink mentioned earlier on. What can you do? Where can you turn?

Luckily Marini's, not content with their chocolate covered bacon boxes (the slightly healthier dark chocolate alternative is pictured on the right), have come up with Vegan's Nightmare ice cream (chocolate covered bacon in maple syrup ice cream). You can almost hear the screams from the root canals, can't you?

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As you can probably tell, bacon is taking the world by storm.

From Max nested elements reached to Max nested elements reached and even Max nested elements reached, it seems that bacon can do no wrong (especially once you Americans follow the advice in this post).

It's only fitting that we go full circle with this post and back to children's toys to finish it off. Meet My First Bacon, a new toy by ThinkGeek. This toy started life as an April Fool's joke with the following video: Max nested elements reachedMax nested elements reached / Max nested elements reachedMax nested elements reached. The toy proved to be so popular a request that it had to be manufactured and sold to the general public.

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If you're a true bacon-lover (and if not, why not?) then you can Max nested elements reachedMax nested elements reached and "teach your kids to love bacon, not pigs", which kind of steps all over how this post started off really, doesn't it? Ah, who cares, this is bacon!!!