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The Dark Furie

Posts tagged with "animals"

Hitslink Horrors

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Hitslink - for many it's a tool, the way we see how many people have visited us recently. For some though, it's a dark insight into the minds of our visitors. A terrifying visage of the world around us.

I realise that the person searching for this didn't find what they were looking for so, being a good host, I've decided to put together my own tutorial to help future searchers.

Tutorial - Pussy Lick

  • Take one large, healthy cat.
  • Shave the cat, making sure you get close enough so that no stubble hurts your tongue when you get to the licking part.
  • Now thoroughly wet the newly shaved cat. I'm not entirely sure why but I also got this search the same day and it seems to be part of the process.

  • The next step is obviously to get online for some reason. I'll assume you're already online reading this tutorial. Before you start licking, ensure that your screen is free of all static.
  • By now your cat should be wet through and ready to lick. It may be a little angry at this surprising turn of events so you may have to sedate it with a frying pan to the head. As you've already caught, shaved and half drowned a cat I'm sure you'll have no problem with that.
  • And now you can finally lick your cat.

Have fun. Hope I helped you in your endeavour. :up:

Chicken

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My body is revolting. Hey, stop that. That's not what I meant at all. It's not funny!
*sets a trap on the yes smiley so everyone who uses it swaps genders, especially if they have whiskers*


8% Hypochondriac

While your physical health isn't always perfect, you don't freak out about it. You know there's only so much you can do, and worrying doesn't change anything. Your mental health is in check... which is key to having tip top physical health. There's no way you're worrying yourself to death!

Take This Test Yourself

As I was trying to say, my system is revolting against me and has been these past few days. I've had constipation and diarrhoea on and off, sometimes at the same time which is just unfair. Waves of nausea keep hitting me, usually at mealtimes which is again unfair. I've also been experiencing a lot of lower back pain. The whole thing has pretty much left me wiped out (in more ways than one) these past couple of days.

That's the funny thing about pain. I'm in almost constant pain due to a back injury from years ago but because it's constant that has become my normal state and, if it stopped I'd probably feel worse before realising I was better. Unfortunately it takes a lot of concentration and effort to control this amount of pain, something that has become second nature and not really a conscious act. This means that I can lead a pretty normal life but, when I'm hit with other pains if they're large enough they divert my energies and every pain comes back as if new again, including my old back injury. Bit of a bastard really.

Anyway I'm mostly over what's been affecting me these past few days and the pain is starting to subside. I managed to enjoy a perfectly cooked roast chicken dinner earlier and that's what this post is really about. In between munching succulent chicken skin soaked in delicious gravy, I remembered the thing that made me realise that genetically engineering animals is a good thing for the future. It was the image of a chicken with six legs. For all my talk of growing replacement transplant parts on the recipient, all I really want is a chicken with extra legs. Embarrassing eh? You guys ever realise the reasons behind your standards and morals are a little more self-centred than you thought?
:o:

How It Began

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:whistle:

Mojo Hoho

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My babe's running a competition and, even though I can't win, I still want to play along so here's my entry.

Vengeance - Part 3

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Some cats never learn. Not content with kidnapping me and giving me a sex change against my will (which is more expensive to have reversed than you'd think, by the way), the evil one has now announced my death to everyone. As I'm still here typing this and occasionally breathe in and out, I've begun to doubt that the rumour was true. As always only one thought sprang to mind - vengeance! As I watched the young kitten through the scope of my sniper rifle (a hobby I've taken up recently) I considered how best to enact my plan.

Handing her a dead owl was a rather strange yet innocuous way to begin my vengeance. If she'd been a human she may not have taken it, but being a cat she took the dead bird straight home and tore it apart in the living room. A little while later, as she was gnawing on a leg, kitty noticed a small scroll of parchment and began to read it. And so it was that I set up my vengeance.

This morning I was watching the kitty again, this time through the zoom lens of my camera instead of a sniper scope, and saw that my plan had worked out perfectly and she was trying to find the invisible train station so she could be taken to Hogwarts.

Vengeance Part II - Hero

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Zap's superhero career was off to a great start.

Unfortunately she chose She Hulk, Cyndi Lauper and Dame Edna Everage as her role-models.
:rolleyes:

Licking Wet Pussy

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November 2009
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