The Dark Furie

You can find her shameful diary of humanoid cats spanning the past five years right here.

I was in Nashville, Tennessee last year. After the show I went to a waffle house. I'm not proud of it - I was hungry. And I'm alone, I'm eating and I'm reading a book, right.

The waitress walks over to me,
"Hey, what you reading for?"

Isn't that like the weirdest fucking question you've ever heard? Not what am I reading, but what am I reading for... Well, God damn it, you stumped me. Why do I read? Hmmm, well...

I guess I read for a lot of reasons and the main one is so I don't end up being a fucking waffle waitress.

But then, this trucker in the next booth gets up, stands over me and goes,
"Well, looks like we got ourselves a reader."

What the fuck's going on here? It's not like I walked into a Klan rally in a Boy George outfit, God damn it! It's a BOOK!!!

If you're astounded by these images of an elephant painting then welcome to the club. These are the elephants of the National Elephant Institute in Thailand. Most elephants, and Thai elephants in particular, can regularly be found picking up a stick and drawing on the ground, but these ones have had some training to use brushes, paint and canvases, and they're better artists than a lot of humans (myself included).

You can watch a video of an elephant painting at Youtube or you can find more examples of elephant art in this online gallery and even buy some if you've got enough cash. I wouldn't recommend it though. They seem to take any old squiggle and call it art, just like the human world.

See that squiggle over on the right? Strange looking thing isn't it? Apparently it's my name, or rather my initials as as monogran, in cuniform. I reckon it looks quite dudey cool myself. So, let me know what yours looks like. Remember, you have to download it yourself then upload here. You can't just link to the image.Get yours here.

From his prison cell all Ben could wish for was some good luck, just once in his life. Morning, noon and night he wished for some degree of success at anything other than being a failure. So you can imagine Ben's suprise when he woke one day to find no bars or walls keeping him in.

He looked around slowly, taking in the desert surrounding him on both sides of the road he found himself on. As no wolves attacked him immediately he started to think things were looking up. Suddenly flinching he looked up, and was happy to see no meteorites heading his way. And then he saw the sign...

100 Miles To Success

Ben was sure his prayers had finally been answered and set off down the road in the direction the sign was pointing. Past failures flared up in his mind, assuring him there was no way this would work out for him. For hours he trudged on, becoming more and more certain that the sign had turned around in some freak wind and had set him going in the wrong direction until finally, he saw another sign a little in the distance. Utilising a sudden second wind he ran towards it eagerly.

50 Miles To Success

Tears streaming down his face, he realised that everything was finally working out. He set off down the road with renewed vigour. Night fell and he almost missed the next sign in the darkness.

10 Miles To Success

Ben camped out under this sign for the night, getting only a small amount of sleep as his mind wandered in excitement. In the morning he started down the road again, happily whistling a tune. Obviously his prayers had really been answered. He hadn't even stumbled once on this journey. The next sign appeared soon enough.

This Way To Success

The sign pointed down a small dirt road towards a cabin set away from the road. Ben carefully headed towards the cabin, wondering what mystical secrets it held that would bring him success in his life. He made his way to the door and knocked nervously.

The door was immediately opened by an eight foot tall overweight balding man with thick hair on his shoulders and back, wearing only a black sparkly PVC thong.
"Well hello there hotlips", he said to Ben while removing his thong, "My name's Cess!"