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The Dark Furie

Psychotic Laws - UK Edition

Thursday, 24. July 2008, 18:44:11

,

Tilla's just written a wonderfully funny post about odd laws in Denmark, and that got me thinking about some of the strange laws in this country. Sure, some of them are old laws that aren't enforced anymore as they're out of date, but that doesn't make them any less legal.

  • In the city of York it is legal to murder a Scotsman anywhere within the city limits as long as he is carrying a bow and arrow.
  • It is still illegal for a Welshman to enter the city of Chester between sunrise and sunset. The law states he must be put to death by anyone that finds him, but can only be killed with an arrow.
  • A woman may only drive a car if a man walks ten feet ahead carrying a white flag to warn all that she's coming.
  • In the Houses of Parliament it is illegal for anyone to die unless they're royalty. The conviction rate for this crime is pretty low.
  • Anyone that places a stamp upside down on a piece of mail can be charged with treason.
  • It is illegal to eat mince pies on Christmas Day.
  • If a dead whale is found on the British coastline, the head becomes property of the King, or the tail becomes property of the Queen depending on who is in power.
  • It is illegal for a taxi in London (and only London) to carry rabid dogs or corpses.
  • Any Royal Navy ship that enters the docks of London must hand over a barrel of rum to the head constable of the Tower of London.
  • All men over the age of fourteen must carry out two hours of Longbow practice per day.
  • A man who urinates in public is not breaking the law if he aims for the rear wheel of his own vehicle and keeps his right hand on the car at all times.
  • It is illegal to hail a taxi if you have the Black Death.
  • Another way to be charged with treason here is to stand within one hundred yards of the reigning monarch while not wearing socks.
  • Any person caught breaking a boiled egg at the sharper end can look forward to a day in the city stocks.
  • It is illegal for a man and woman to have sex on the steps of a church after the sun has set in Birmingham. Presumably, during the morning service is okay.
  • A pregnant woman has the right to urinate anywhere she wants, including on other people if she can get close enough.
  • If a policeman asks you not to incite a dog to bark after midnight then you must obey him, as long as you're both on the beach...

And you thought your country was strange eh?
:rolleyes:

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Comments

Spaggyj 24. July 2008, 18:51

I've not even heard of half of these before :D

Moesring 24. July 2008, 19:00

I wonder why no one is ever charged with breaking these laws anymore :lol:

:sst: The "topless women in Liverpool" law is a hoax and has never been enforced.

Furie 24. July 2008, 19:03

Bugger. You sure about that? I read it on the BBC years ago...

Moesring 24. July 2008, 19:05

When I made my own stupid laws post a while ago, I checked. The Telegraph interviewed a spokesman for Liverpool City Council and he said it was just an urban myth.
( http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1568474/Don't-die-in-parliament%2C-it's-the-law.html )

Furie 24. July 2008, 19:12

Removed. Thanks for the info. :D

attilasoul 24. July 2008, 19:13

:lol: @ the one with the pregnant urinating woman! :lol:

shigen 24. July 2008, 19:16

:lol::lol:

I like the one with the cab and the Black Death.

XDD

Furie 24. July 2008, 19:21

That's currently being talked about Tils. Apparantly it's an insult to male police officers as the law specifically states that pregnant women may even use a policeman's helmet to urinate in.

Dacotah 24. July 2008, 19:25

:lol:

shigen 24. July 2008, 19:25

:lol::lol:

That;s funny, too.

Moesring 24. July 2008, 19:26

:rolleyes:
It's still being discussed?

The article I linked to above said there was a petition against it... and the article is 9 months old :faint:

Personally, I do not think that it is particularly offensive... but in order to make it politically correct, they must explicitly state that a pregnant woman can urinate in a policewoman's hat as well :left:
:lol:

Cois 24. July 2008, 19:58

Who wants to try the urinating man against his rear wheel one? p:

Furie 24. July 2008, 20:15

I'm not allowed to learn to drive so I'll leave that to Moe or Mart. Hey, are any guys from the UK whose names don't start with an M?

Cois 24. July 2008, 21:35

Gareth? :rolleyes:

Cois 24. July 2008, 21:37

Look in the phonebook.. There's plenty people there who's names don't start with a M.. :lol: you didn't say people who we know.. p: neener!

Furie 24. July 2008, 21:42

Prove it to me in a UK phonebook, Clint. p:

qlue 24. July 2008, 22:23

I once read that a judge orderd that a pig be publicly flogged for witchcraft in the eighteen hundreds. I don't know he that's true though.

Cois 24. July 2008, 22:45

Check it yourself.. p:

selurus 25. July 2008, 04:19

hello everybody
how was longbow practice today
:lol:
2 hours everyday!
who made that law?

rose-marie 25. July 2008, 08:54

:lol: You're even weirder than the Danes!
The female driver law... is that for the entire UK?

Cois 25. July 2008, 09:32

They heard about your driving..

rose-marie 25. July 2008, 10:08

:lol: I don't know... That would mean I'd have to drive really, really slowly :left:.

Cois 25. July 2008, 13:05

So you drive really really fast? :insane:

Furie 25. July 2008, 13:17

*fires an arrow into the air*
Longbow practice is going swimmingly, old chap. Already robbed three gas stations today and the police couldn't stop me. I was practicing. Not my fault that people handed over money while I was practicing at point blank range. :up:.

Tomorrow I putting on some fake breasts and sticking a pillow up my top so I can let the coppers really have it. :devil:

Furie 25. July 2008, 13:20

The female driver law was invented before women proved their equality by burning their underwear (apparently the smell was so bad that men gave up straight away) to warn people about a woman driver coming. It covers the entire UK but is only in effect on public roads. And who's ever seen a woman driver actually drive on the road? p:

theoddbod 25. July 2008, 23:17

Does the white flag mean "Ok, ok, I surrendered, I let her drive, now I'm just praying she doesn't hit the accelerator too hard"?

rose-marie 26. July 2008, 12:14

:rolleyes: You have to hit the accelerator, otherwise you won't get anywhere... :whistle:

Cois 26. July 2008, 13:04

Actually you just have to step on it lightly.. :whistle:

Furie 26. July 2008, 14:36

It's the weight of all those shoes that does it...

selurus 26. July 2008, 17:08

i'm just wondering when women wear high heels do they abstain from driving or do they take their shoes off :confused:

theoddbod 26. July 2008, 17:45

The sane ones take their shoes off and manipulate the pedals barefoot.

Furie 26. July 2008, 19:05

Yeah, both of them. :up:

selurus 26. July 2008, 19:26

but why do they bother,
when they can leave it (driving) to another?
my thoughts are starting to jumble,
who can solve this puzzle?

Furie 26. July 2008, 19:40

It's a power thing. While certain things would be more sensibly left to others, we all feel like we'll lose some of the very limited power we have over our lives if we let them do it. It's why we buy maps that we can't really read instead of stopping for directions. It's why some people buy cars instead of taking public transport. It's why none of us are one hundred percent grateful for any help we're offered.

theoddbod 26. July 2008, 21:56

Yes, and also a failure of self-sufficiency.

sugarwinx 29. July 2008, 17:07

:D I like yr country. I'm moving there!! York, to be specific!! So, where can I obtain a bow and some arrows?

qlue 10. August 2008, 11:57

You make one from the branch of a yew tree. :rolleyes: .
Don't ya know anything? :whistle:

Furie 10. August 2008, 12:17

Girls. :rolleyes:

MConor 12. April 2009, 20:49

Laughed through the whole thing :lol: I must find some for Ireland, there's gotta be some crappy laws left over from... You know who... :left:

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