The Dark Furie

Poor Darko. I remember when you were this high and weren't ashamed of being called Kevin. Then you went goth, changed your name and started crying in your room every day. This Alabama girl better treat you right. Auntie can't stand having her little angel upset again.

Elaine deary, rub Auntie's feet and stop worrying. If the LHC burps then a new universe shall be created over this one and time shall fold back to the point where it burped. It's possible this has happened several times which actually makes God some nerdy scientist guy. Personally Auntie Furie knows they'll get smacked bottoms if they destroy her universe again, and she's got £50 at the bookies saying they wont.

Moeseph, pass Auntie her glasses and she'll tell you about the time fairy. You see, all good little boys and girls who save time are visited later on by the time fairy. The fairy sprinkles time dust on them so that the best days are over in seconds and the worst last forever. For bad boys and girls who don't save time, the gravity fairy pays a visit instead and makes their nipples touch their toes. Always save time, youngster, or you'll end up with your boobies dragging along the floor like poor Auntie has.

Now now David, don't talk all at once dearie. Calm down young man. Look, you've got dirt all over you. Pass Auntie a hankie so she can spit on it and clean you up a bit. That's better. Now, what was your question, dear?

Oh dear, Auntie's not feeling well. She could swear she saw that mangy cat talk. Time for Auntie's pills.

Franny dear, be Auntie Furie's special little angel and fetch her pills will you? Then wash your mouth out with soap and water. Auntie isn't so old that she doesn't know acronyms.

Hmmm, everybody seems to have been dealt with. Auntie's on a roll today.

Now now dearie, pay no attention to Tilla. Did you know her actual name is Brian and she only called herself Tilla after she decided she was a cat? That was shortly after her mother dropped her on her head as a child. Ever since she started marking her territory Auntie's had to have her hospitalised.

Auntie Furie has to have photographical portraits of her favourite little nephew. He's done his auntie proud with his big job on the wide wide world of web. Auntie Furie just worries that he works too hard.

I've just explained that Daniel. Do pay attention when auntie is talking. That's the problem with you kids today. It's all music television, stickers and mywaste.com Stand in the corner you bad boy.

Yes it is. Join Daniel in the corner and do everything he wants you to.

Auntie Furie was only allowed out of the home on Sunday, Issy. She would have answered your question if you'd actually asked one.

I don't watch forums ya silly sod.

Yep. But I did check and saw that Auntie had answered you after a long investigation of your question.

Yes you are. Auntie's back on her meds now.

Give her my love.