The Dark Furie

Online Friendships

A "how to" guide for basic human relationships online.

There really shouldn't be any need for this post. But as this community grows it becomes more and more obvious that people have absolutely no idea how to act around other people. What would you do if a stranger walked up to you in the street and started saying to other people that you're their friend? Would you play along? Be flattered? Or, more likely, a little freaked out?

That's what this post is about. How to treat people on this community with the respect that they deserve.

How To Make Friends
First and foremost, lets imagine just for a second that the people on here are real people with actual emotions. Now that we're picturing that, try to imagine how you'd make friends with them in real life. For starters you wouldn't just go up to them and tell them they're your friend based on what you've seen them say to other people, would you?

Of course not. You'd talk to them properly. Maybe you'd introduce yourself, maybe you'd just leap into a conversation they're already having and give your two cents on the subject, or perhaps you'd laugh at a joke they'd told and compliment them on their wit. Maybe after a few such incidents you'd count that person as some sort of acquaintance if not an actual friend. Maybe then you'd start working towards an actual friendship.

The question is, why does this not happen online? Why do people try to skip this process and go straight to best buds stage. It seems to be sign up, find someone interesting, CLICK you're my friend! Which is all fine and good for the new member. "Hey, I made a friend." But what about the people who've been added? Do any of you think about that?

Well, that person gets an inbox telling them that someone they've never heard of has added them as a friend. They wonder why so they visit the person's page and usually find the person hasn't even filled in their profile, nevermind started posting themselves. They get pissed off at the wasted time and immediately see you in a bad light. Not the best start to a friendship is it?

Now try this next time you've seen someone's page that you like. First make a comment on a few posts on that person's page. Now have a look at what groups that person is part of. If you share any interests that are expressed through those groups, join up and you'll also meet other likeminded people. Post on those groups forums. Get to know people. Then ask if they mind you adding them to your friends list. There's nothing nicer to see in a potential friend than a little humility.

Hopefully, with these little tips you'll be able to make some decent friends on here and less people will be pissed off at you. Have fun on My Opera, but remember to treat people with respect.


Having trouble with people who keep requesting you, and want to make sure they read this post? I've designed a profile badge to let you link them to it. Simply add the following code somewhere on your profile, sticky post or even in a mail to these people and let it do the work for you.
<a href="http://my.opera.com/Furie/blog/show.dml/996110"><img src="http://files.myopera.com/Furie/files/friendrequest.png"></a>

Feeding TimeIndigo Children Eat Your Heart Out

Comments

Spaggyj Friday, May 11, 2007 3:10:38 PM

Well said!
up

Bad WolfCois Friday, May 11, 2007 4:10:06 PM

I'll second that... very witty.. Will you be my friend that you'll never meet? bigsmile
(Sorry Mik, I couldn't help myself)

Dark FurieFurie Friday, May 11, 2007 5:40:16 PM

I've linked this to my post of tips for new members (still spotlighted on the front page, yay!) so hopefully less people will join up and make the same mistakes that so many people do. Now, if only we could make the pervs see sense somehow...

I'm sick of seeing people's nipples lol amongst other things.

theoddbod Friday, May 11, 2007 5:54:02 PM

It isn't just the newbies that do the instant 'add friend' - there are veterans who add as a friend anybody who goes near anything they've done. People with dozens of pages of friends concern me - can't you be a little picky?

Spaggyj Friday, May 11, 2007 6:49:59 PM

I agree with ya, Mart.
up

theoddbod Friday, May 11, 2007 6:59:00 PM

And what's the etiquette for removing a friend? If you do, do they get notified? Not that i'm currently likely to do that...smile

Dark FurieFurie Friday, May 11, 2007 7:55:06 PM

Nope, they don't get notified as far as I know. Take your friends list off your blog and they'll never be able to tell. *looks meaningfully towards the top of his page*

Spaggyj Friday, May 11, 2007 8:09:04 PM

No, they definately don't. It is something else that should be implemented.

dɹɐzılpǝkɔıw ɐʞɐ ɹǝɥgɐllɐg lǝbɐsıwickedlizard Friday, May 11, 2007 8:29:30 PM

wonderful post! heart

oh yeah, English black humor is also not understood by all... p

Spaggyj Friday, May 11, 2007 8:31:14 PM

Not understood by many, most of those are English! Bah. They're missing out, big time.

Dark FurieFurie Friday, May 11, 2007 8:31:26 PM

I learnt that the hard way. devil

dɹɐzılpǝkɔıw ɐʞɐ ɹǝɥgɐllɐg lǝbɐsıwickedlizard Friday, May 11, 2007 10:57:20 PM

I learned the hard way too... what´s worse is Irish humor... faint

Dark FurieFurie Friday, May 11, 2007 11:18:21 PM

Begorrah woman, what're ya tryin ta say ta me?

Dark FurieFurie Friday, May 11, 2007 11:21:12 PM

By the way folks, if you're sick of people adding you at random, add this post to your spotlights. Maybe it'll act as a deterrent.

dɹɐzılpǝkɔıw ɐʞɐ ɹǝɥgɐllɐg lǝbɐsıwickedlizard Saturday, May 12, 2007 12:00:36 AM

begorrah???? translation please... p

Dark FurieFurie Saturday, May 12, 2007 12:09:04 AM

It's what us partly irish people say in order to let people know we're irish. Kind of like the scottish saying "och aye, see you jimmy" or New Yorkers saying boiger instead of burger. smile

dɹɐzılpǝkɔıw ɐʞɐ ɹǝɥgɐllɐg lǝbɐsıwickedlizard Saturday, May 12, 2007 12:22:56 AM

and what DOES it mean??? p

Dark FurieFurie Saturday, May 12, 2007 12:35:52 AM

Begorrahed if I know. devil Actually, it's in your blog title. Not saying where though. bigsmile

Sarah angel292005 Sunday, May 13, 2007 1:22:18 AM

(theoddbod)It isn't just the newbies that do the instant 'add friend' - there are veterans who add as a friend anybody who goes near anything they've done. People with dozens of pages of friends concern me - can't you be a little picky?



I have been on Opera for a while now. Everyone that I add to my list, obviously I enjoyed reading their blog. I tried to add 'theoddbod' I think! I am not even sure really....I had a look on my list and didn't see him on there. Anyway-if I want to add 400-500-1000 people I think that I shouldn't be criticized unfairly for it. Maybe we like friends! Well, to be honest, I like the whole 'comment' factor on the blogs. That is what I really enjoy, commenting and receiving comments. smile I mean, it's fun. And if I don't care what you think-then I put the particular blog post on 'private' or I write it as 'friends only'.

This is a problem easily solved. Live and let live. Some people want a long list and some don't...plain and simple. smile

Okay and also my 2 cents on making friends....welllll you put them on your friend list, and then become friends. I can actually put my real friend list on both hands....'friend' is just a word. smile But becoming a genuine friend takes so much more.

I will shut up now.

heart

theoddbod Sunday, May 13, 2007 1:46:57 AM

@angel292005 : i hope i didn't cause offence - it wasn't directed at you. I was thinking more of those who quite blatantly add every 'recent visitor' to their list. They're sort of middle veterans, with more friends than days online. From my point of view i'd rather somebody shared a few threads i was posting in first. After all, if you make them a friend then they get to see all but your private posts. I don't really know what to think - maybe i shouldn't try to apply real-life rules to online stuff.

theoddbod Sunday, May 13, 2007 1:48:33 AM

I like the commenting thing too smile

Sarah angel292005 Sunday, May 13, 2007 1:59:45 AM

do you people ever sleep? smile lol

yeah online is completely different, I agree. No it wasn't offence...but you made a general statement and I applied it to myself..that's all.

sad

theoddbod Sunday, May 13, 2007 2:07:10 AM

Do I ever sleep? At the weekends it does get a little erratic.

Sarah angel292005 Sunday, May 13, 2007 2:18:25 AM

Well Kim and Mik were online, but I am not sure right now...Yeah I know you are like 6 hours ahead of me, and it is 9 pm here. So it is 3 there? bigeyes I would be passed out by then. smile

theoddbod Sunday, May 13, 2007 2:27:44 AM

It is now 0327. I never could keep normal hours - my body block likes 26 hour days.

Sarah angel292005 Sunday, May 13, 2007 2:55:02 AM

bigeyes yikes I wish I could survive like that.

Sarah angel292005 Sunday, May 13, 2007 2:55:31 AM

Oh you mean body 'clock'? lol you are tired. p

MarcusFXM256 Sunday, May 13, 2007 3:40:46 AM

Good post up

Spaggyj Sunday, May 13, 2007 8:58:47 AM

Mart - that's strange. I'm often the same. My sleep pattern is very erratic.

Sarah, you made loads of good points there. My friends list right now is only of the people I'd trust with pretty much anything. It really does bug me when people who've not even visited my page just add me. I've made it sorta protocol to inbox everyone who adds me, who I don't know, to ask why. It's stupid. Who knew there were so many freaks on here?
But you know - you guys make it worth it.
Yeah yeah, I'm being a tad emotional again - so sue me
p lol

Dark FurieFurie Sunday, May 13, 2007 9:07:51 AM

I'll personally only add people who've added me after a week, if they've been commenting on my posts or I see them in forums I use, and they've been posting on their blogs.

The exceptions are those I've been chatting with for a while then realise I haven't added them yet. It's kinda rare for me to add someone before they add me.

Sometimes my friends only posts will be quite private and I like to keep that privacy. Yet what's the point of even putting it on here unless someone's gonna read it. So I'm picky about my friends list these days.

Dark FurieFurie Sunday, May 13, 2007 9:10:51 AM

Originally posted by theoddbod:

It is now 0327. I never could keep normal hours - my body block likes 26 hour days.


I used to have a 28 hour day for mine, but I'm pretty much down to 24 hours now. But true, I regularly stay up til 3am. Addicted, me? Perish the thought. lol

theoddbod Sunday, May 13, 2007 10:55:44 AM

I put body block? Opera Mini and predictive text betrayed me!

Dark FurieFurie Sunday, May 13, 2007 12:22:52 PM

Could be worse. Ants=Anus. Coal=Cock and Anal. Dual=Fuck. Challenge someone to one of those lol

Bad WolfCois Sunday, May 13, 2007 4:05:04 PM

Think I'll go do that devil

r♡serose-marie Wednesday, July 4, 2007 4:59:12 PM

Amen! The link to this post would be perfect to send to "we've-never-talked-but-I-find-you-interesting-let's-be-friends" people. Mind if I do?

theoddbod Wednesday, July 4, 2007 5:04:08 PM

Sounds good to me. up

r♡serose-marie Wednesday, July 4, 2007 5:09:27 PM

It does sound good to me too, but I thought it'd be common courtesy to ask first smile

Dark FurieFurie Wednesday, July 4, 2007 6:03:08 PM

Sure, I don't mind at all. That's who this part is aimed at.
bigsmile

Bad WolfCois Wednesday, July 4, 2007 6:20:22 PM

I need to clear my friends list..rolleyes I keep getting added as a friend although I don't visit their pages or even knew the person existed.. one dude recently added me and I have absolutely no idea what language he speaks.. faint

Dark FurieFurie Wednesday, July 4, 2007 6:24:30 PM

Ditto. I've got pages and pages of people who've added me and haven't been added back. There's only a few people I even talk to regularly enough to call friends here.

Dark FurieFurie Wednesday, July 4, 2007 6:25:30 PM

And most of them have been trying to cook and eat me recently anyway.
scared

Bad WolfCois Wednesday, July 4, 2007 6:44:39 PM

chef tasty tasty.. lol No I'm not gay!rolleyes

Dark FurieFurie Wednesday, July 4, 2007 7:02:31 PM

Gay?

theoddbod Wednesday, July 4, 2007 7:27:52 PM

I need to update my friends list too, but in a good way.

I think Cois may have trouble eating Bumblebee...and even greater trouble trying to seduce him.

r♡serose-marie Wednesday, July 4, 2007 7:49:10 PM

Originally posted by Cois:

I have absolutely no idea what language he speaks..

+1.
I too am rather picky with my friends list (or should I say acquaintance list) and seldom add people. When I do it is because I've interacted with them and feel some sort of fellowship (does this even come out right or does it only sound good in my head? lol). That would of course require the ability to communicate in the first place.

The rest of what you all said is over my head lol

Dark FurieFurie Wednesday, July 4, 2007 7:59:24 PM

We're all kinda crazy here. bigsmile

theoddbod Wednesday, July 4, 2007 8:06:28 PM

+1

r♡serose-marie Wednesday, July 4, 2007 8:20:05 PM

Crazy +1? It just isn't enough with "we're all kinda crazy" for you, huh p
Anyway - that is the reason I still stick around I guess.
The craziness.
More or less bigsmile

Yours truly,
Natural born poet.

Dark FurieFurie Wednesday, July 4, 2007 8:26:18 PM

Oooh, a poet... I'm looking for writers to jazz up my forums.

How dya feel about web tests?

r♡serose-marie Wednesday, July 4, 2007 8:35:26 PM

Actually, I was just kidding. I can see how that didn't come out clearly p

Web tests you say? I'm up for any test where I can get a result. Any result.

*footnote* Jazz sounds best in (someone elses) headphones. bigsmile

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