Anthony

Rules For Dating My Sisters

Thursday, December 28, 2006 3:55:00 PM

For Anyone Who Ever Intends To Date An Older Brothers Sister.

Some thoughtful information for those who ARE sisters, WERE sisters, have sisters , or INTEND TO DATE a sister.

Rule 1
If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule 2
You do not touch my sister in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my sisters body, I will remove them.

Rule 3
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule 4
In order for us to get to know each other, you may think we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my sister safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on his subject is "early."

Rule 5
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my sister. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little sister, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule 6
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my sister to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My sister is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule 7
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my sister: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my sister to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided. Movies, which feature chainsaws, are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule 8
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my sister home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my sister home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

Funny Pictures

Comments

getfound # Wednesday, August 29, 2007 10:53:52 PM

Blog looks new, but you're off to a fantastic start! Love the post.

Henry

daileybobb # Tuesday, March 25, 2008 10:13:12 PM

i am a little sister (with 4 older brothers!!!and nothing else!!!) theese are good but i would like to inform you that you are missing 2 rules!! (sorry my brother prolly made theese up!!) so i wont bore you with writting them but sadly to say for the first boyfriend i brought home my brothers sat and read theese rules to them as a joke..they scared that boyfriend off and after that date we havent talked AGAIN!!! i hate older brothers!!!!

daileybobb <<3