Gflatmajor9

This evening i came upstairs to the room and came to lay down , and realized that i'm not happy with what is going on in our relationship. It would be unfair of me to stay with her and make both our lives misrable.

i think i'll talk to her about how i feel and move into our spare room @ home for the time being there until i find a place to stay for myself. Going to make plans for leaving for England or the USA ; whatever door God opens. I know that i'm going to die alone and misrable, not having anyone around. This is not what i want though , but things are too screwed up.

I keep on having thougts of her cheating on me again and it kills me. I nearly lost my breath earlier , think it was an anxiety attack, but had to pull myself together and regain my thhoughts to be positive.

She came up to wake me and my son too, he started crying for me and wanted me to hold him ; not wanting to go to even his grandpa that he's mad about, just crying and holding me tight, as if he knew my thoughts of leaving. This is making it so hard to say goodbye. I still love her so much , but cant do this to myself anymore.

If you read this note and God is telling you that i should'nt leave then please mail me , text me , phone me , put something on my wall, but please please please please please please let me know if i'm doing the wrong thing by leaving. My number is 0724978471 i beg you ...

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Should I or shouldnt I...

Thursday, September 23, 2010 9:30:02 PM

The thoughts of leaving entered my mind again as today i spoke to someone @ work that mentioned he is going through a divorce. We deserve to be happy and not be caught in the "wed-lock" as a prisoner, but be free is his thinking. She also deserves to be happy, and just maybe i'm not making her happy ; i try my best by doing small things like doing the washing ; ironning her and baba's clothes for work in the morning ; seeing to supper ; making sure baba's things are sorted for daycare; doing the shopping alone most of the times , unless she needs her meds ;tidying up around the house and goodness there is so much more...

All i want is some affection and for her to love me, but she deliberatly upsets me I think , by being on Face book or blogger all the time. We dont even have a family movie night or outing, besides the times we need to get something at the shops or so.

I feel like running away from this all , but will i be running out on my son ? I love him so much , but just cant get it right with his mom. Please give advise as i dont know what to do.

I just want to be happy, but is that too much to ask ? Am i being unreasonable ? I am not perfect i know , but surely things can be diffrent. I do love her , but just feels tired of giving of myself and getting a "I dont give a shit " attitude.

This begs the question ; should i leave or shouldnt i ?

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This is the day that the Lord has made...

Monday, September 13, 2010 8:31:11 PM

I will be glad in Him , the only place where one can complete and true joy. I pray that God might bless you.

dont know what to write, so you have a fantastic day , and rejoice in God...

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Transformation by Renewing my mind...

Monday, September 13, 2010 6:06:10 AM

So yes a new day has come and it's monday , i dont need monday blues though. I'm going to be positive about today and not focus on the negative.

i have found new friends here on opera, and feel that i can share with you all my thoughts and not be judged for them. I am greatfull for all of you.

i will start by thanking my Lord and saviour Jesus Christ for this day and for giving me life in Him. I love you Jesus...

i will be transformed by renewing my mind and not worry about the illusive past or future , as i have no controle over it ; i need to fire my mind as i think way too much and look into stuff that does not need my attention. I need to focus on getting "Me" right.

i commit this day to the Lord and may His will come to pass for my life...

have a super fantastic day all of you.
Me

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Why do i have to be last ????????????

Saturday, September 11, 2010 9:22:49 PM

Is all of this worth the heartache and pain that i feel. Living with this for the past 2 years now. Trying to fix things and keep them happy. Clean up , do washing , let her drive while i walk to the station (a good 30 minute ) in sunshine and rain.

yes i vowed the day we got married till death , but i think i've died inside and dont know if i love her, i know i love my son though. I try hard all the time to get close to her, but there is just no response on her side.

i need for someone to hold me, to tell me they love me. I havent heard that form her in the 5yrs we're married, and can i hold on waiting for that day ? Is it wrong to want that ? I am willing to love anyone and treat them like a queen , but just show me you care. I would come to whatever country you in even considered England or USA.

Do i stick it out ? Or find someone who will treat me like a king ; i will do anything for this...

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