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Old Wounds

Friday, August 1, 2008 12:46:16 PM

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A more serious post for you today, peeps. Some very emotional stuff for me, so serious in fact that I’m going to actually change any names I use (Nothing to do with protecting the innocent, more about my psychological comfort). Normally I use first names but omit surnames but in this case I don’t want to use either. You will, however, see a few pictures...

During an idle moment, I decide to whap a few names into the People Search facility on Facebook. Everyone's supposed to be using this now, right? I mean, that's why I eventually succumbed to the pressure - it felt like I was the last person alive that didn't have a Facebook account!

Anyway, I’m trying some names from my past; school friends, work colleagues, family...when one name in particular reaches the front of the queue, a girl I used to know called Darla. I typed her in, clicked the button, and suddenly there she was!
I sat for a minute looking at the screen in mild shock, not least because I hadn’t found any of my other attempts. I knew this girl a long time ago, and knew her very well because I was romantically involved with her mother. Long story short, Darla was 11 at the time and I was involved in, if not directly responsible for, her mother’s decision to divorce her husband of 17 years and move into her own home in a nearby town. Darla, being 11, went with her mum, while Tara, Darla’s older sister, stayed with her Dad. I, being 13 years younger than her mother but old enough to leave the family nest, soon moved in with Jane (Darla’s mum) and Darla, becoming the male component of a small family unit. There was even a dog (a beautiful boxer who I miss even now), and yes they even teased me by calling me ‘Dad’.

And I used to tease Darla right back by calling her my daughter.

When my relationship with Jane went through it’s final, horrific collapse I experienced the loss of more than just a woman I loved more than life itself but a deep and terrible grief for the loss of the ‘family’ too, crazy as that sounds. It took me many years to recover from the devastating emotional fallout, much longer than you would probably believe.

So yeah, there I was, looking at Darla, now a woman in her 20’s with a child of her own, so different from my memories but still with traces of the familiar, and feeling remnants of all those old emotions stirring within. I wasn’t able to click into her profile directly but I was able to look at her friends, where more surprises lay in wait...

There was her Dad (a guy I remember clearly being the world’s biggest prick), her aunt, her sister Tara...and two other names I found oddly familiar: Rhona and Kevin? Surely that can’t be...???

Their profiles were open to view and instantly I knew who they were. Rhona I met in high school long before I even met Jane (there’s kind of a link there as Rhona and Jane were practically neighbours) and Kevin, her boyfriend at the time but now husband, helped get me my first job working in a clothes retail store: he was the assistant manager back then. But thing is, see, these were MY friends. Yes, Rhona might have met Jane around town on occasion but they never became friends – good friends - until I started dating Jane. But after all these years, they all still keep in touch on Facebook?

Suddenly it was no longer the 21st century, it was 1994 and a thousand emotions were broiling inside: all the fun times, and the bad times, the laughs and the betrayals, the pleasure and the pain...

The only person missing was Jane herself, her mere absence enough to raise some troubling questions (and a fresh round of crystal-edged memories).

It bothered me more than I would have believed, that these people - a large chunk of my past I deliberately left behind for some very good reasons - were all still in touch with each other. It actually made me reconsider my choice to sever all ties with these people. (Well, not all of them: I was deeply hurt when Rhona seemed to take Jane’s side after our break-up and cheerfully ignored our own history together.) But look at them all...living their lives...I could have been a part of that. Couldn't I?

Ohmygod...What if I could I be part of their lives now?

Now that I’m on Facebook I could easily pop a wee ‘hello’ in their direction. And there is now the distinct possibility that they could conceivably find me. How on earth would I deal with that?

Am I ready to have these old wounds opened again? Or should bygones be bygones?

Let's all go to the LobbyDeath of the Brick

Comments

Unregistered user Friday, August 1, 2008 2:47:38 PM

Anonymous writes: I see you have uncovered one of the biggest dangers of social networking sites...the past! This is a moment I dread, but I know it will come for me too. Until then, I'll go back under my rock and leave you with the following: There is no remedy for love but to love more. (Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862), Journal, July 25, 1839) Just because you love someone doesn't mean you have to be involved with them. Love is not a bandage to cover wounds. (Hugh Elliott, Standing Room Only weblog, February 16, 2004) Good luck

GrantTLC Friday, August 1, 2008 3:32:46 PM

Hmm, a genuine anonymous person rather than Austen pretending. Thanks for the poetic thought-generators, sirrah. I shall ruminate 'pon the earliest opprtunity.

galadriel Saturday, August 2, 2008 11:55:46 AM

Grant the stalker p Maybe if you said hello to them, they'd put your photos on their blogs!

Facebook creeps me out sometimes. I was at the bar last night when one guy goes 'hey, you're Kimberley or something....?' 'Yeah, how do you know....FACEBOOK?! Are you stalking me!!??' 'Well, we're friends on facebook....we met at a party' And the whole thing that if you do something, everyone can see that you havea new friend, or added a photo or blah blah.

Haha I'm going to see if I can find you on FB!? p

galadriel Saturday, August 2, 2008 11:57:37 AM

I found you! :O

Unregistered user Saturday, August 2, 2008 12:24:10 PM

Showbiz Bird writes: Thats why adding photos and birthdates etc are a bad idea on Facebook!:whistle:

GrantTLC Saturday, August 2, 2008 1:17:53 PM

But then what's the point of putting yourself on Facebook if you don't at least put a picture or identifying detail of yourself up for people? confused

You found me, Kim? Hehehe. I know where you live. devil

galadriel Sunday, August 3, 2008 3:15:59 AM

I know where YOU live p There are 200,000 something people in Aberdeen and over 1 million in Adelaide Mwahahahahahaha

GrantTLC Monday, August 4, 2008 6:37:28 AM

That just means I have more people to ask than you do. wink

Unregistered user Monday, August 4, 2008 12:38:23 PM

Seaman Stains writes: 202,370 people in Aberdeen!!! Aberdeen is Poles apart from Adelaide!:lol:

Unregistered user Monday, August 4, 2008 12:40:37 PM

Jens writes: Even the swamp-nations of the Amazonia have their accounts on Facebook .. :) I still don't have one. Now i am the last man on the entire Earth..

GrantTLC Monday, August 4, 2008 12:48:04 PM

Originally posted by Jens:

I still don't have one. Now i am the last man on the entire Earth..


eek Is that you, Will Smith?

OdessaGoldBug Monday, August 4, 2008 12:48:41 PM

In the future we will become human blobs (germs) and our brains will be interfaced with the internet via cables - so all human interactions will take place on Facebook, Bebo, etc what a nitemarish future! down

OdessaGoldBug Monday, August 4, 2008 12:50:51 PM

At least in Will Smith's world in (I am Legend) the Batman vs Superman movie finally was made, so it wasn't that much of a nightmarish senario!cheers

Unregistered user Monday, August 4, 2008 3:13:26 PM

Rodger the Cabbinboy writes: "At least in Will Smith's world in (I am Legend) the Batman vs Superman movie finally was made, so it wasn't that much of a nightmarish senario!" You should check out the I am Legend dvd it includes an alternate and better/darker ending to the theatre version. The Batman v's Superman gag was very funny.:jester:

Unregistered user Monday, August 4, 2008 7:13:47 PM

Anonymous writes: Whats Facebook????????????????

GrantTLC Monday, August 4, 2008 7:59:48 PM

Oho! Now there are TWO last men alive who haven't been co-opted by the Facebook Collective! You guys should definitely breed, or something. Or just hang out wistfully dreaming of women. Whatever. Up to you...whistle

Unregistered user Monday, August 4, 2008 9:16:16 PM

Anonymous writes: There is nothing wrong about dreaming of women.

Unregistered user Tuesday, August 5, 2008 9:05:16 AM

Mr L Fox writes: Who is stealing my "Anonymous writes" thunder, (in a russel brand movement).... the swine! :lol:

GrantTLC Tuesday, August 5, 2008 11:31:11 AM

I have no clue. Even peering at the IP addresses yeilds me little. But the last time I saw so many anonymous comments I was talking about people whose first kiss was with a family member...left

GrantTLC Tuesday, August 5, 2008 12:34:59 PM

Fair warning was given, pal o' mine. Any mention of The Dark Knight or Batman or any associated concept/actor/character/quote is now banned from this blog, and no I'm not joking! I'm not even going to write about it when I eventually go to see it! If you are wondering where your comment went, I've deleted it, as I will be doing for any mention of that flippin' film I see from this moment on.

Four months of it is more than enough. NO MORE. irked You are more than welcome to visit, everyone is always most welcome, but I must insist that you stop using my posts as an excuse to indulge your mania for this film!

(Maybe we should meet up soon for a pint and some food to generate some new topics of conversation!) wink

OdessaGoldBug Tuesday, August 5, 2008 1:00:16 PM

Just a few more hours until a mini holiday...I can hear the sound of the Coldstream pipeband in my ears whistle zip

Unregistered user Tuesday, August 5, 2008 5:44:13 PM

Anonymous writes: well spotted my first kiss was from my mother. The next will be from my wife another family member.

GrantTLC Tuesday, August 5, 2008 6:25:11 PM

yuck

galadriel Wednesday, August 6, 2008 11:28:54 AM

Ewwwww.

Anon-Wait...you married the woman who is your wife, BEFORE you ever kissed her?!

GrantTLC Wednesday, August 6, 2008 11:51:15 AM

See, these question were going through my head,too, but I swiftly decided I didn't have the courage to ask them!

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